SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCES OF SUNDRY BELIEVERS

Gleaned from several Solemn Meetings and Conferences

Vavasor Powell

Monergism Books

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Editor’s Note – During the EEBO-TCP Transcription Process, all the text was hand transcribed according to visual representation; and as such, sometimes the letters s, l, f & t are misconstrued with each other, these letters regularly being almost illegibly similar in the original facsimile script. Though it is rare for these errors to remain post-edit, unfortunately they may remain if uncaught. My sincere apologies in advance where such errors occur. As the Puritan Edward Leigh once said "If thou findest faults and Errata in the book, let love cover them, for to err (as the Satirist saith) is the sad privilege of mortality, and he (of all men) erreth most, who challengeth a privilege from error." Also, the symbol <H&G>, when included, signifies omitted Hebrew & Greek. Lastly, some archaic words may be updated to more contemporary terminology; but changes have been kept to a bare minimum.

Contents

1. PREF. To the Sober and Spiritual Readers of this Book.

2. 1. EXP. I. Experiences of T. A. - Converted after three years terror upon his Conscience, and then rolling himself on Christ.

3. 2. EXP. II. Experiences of T. P. - The terrors of Hell laid hold on him, for offering wrong against the people of God, that he cried out he was damned many years.

4. 3. EXP. III. Experiences of M. W. - By a Sermon at Liverpool and after great afflictions, with a piece of a Bible in a barn.

5. 4. EXP. IV. Experiences of I. I. - By waiting upon the ordinances.

6. 5. EXP. V. Experiences of E. C. - After seven years temptation to kill herself, for neglecting to come to the ordinances, she threw herself upon Christ.

7. 6. EXP. VI. Experiences of D. M. - By a young infant, when she went to a Pond to drown herself.

8. 7. EXP. VII. Experiences of AE. L. - By being driven through afflictions to go to the meetings of godly people.

9. 8. EXP. VIII. Experiences of J. B. - By a Son, a little child of six years of age.

10. 9. EXP. IX. Experiences of A. J. - By waiting on the ordinances after loss of a precious Husband, and that in affliction of spirit for near a year’s time.

11. 10. EXP. X. Experiences of A. A. - In the loss of Children, and great buffetings for sin, by waiting upon God by prayer.

12. 11. EXP. XI. Experiences of E. C. - By repulsing the Devil when he appeared to her, and tempted her.

13. 12. EXP. XII. Experiences of A. O. - By a quarter of a year’s despair, fearing that a Lie told knowingly had been the sin against the Holy Ghost.

14. 13. EXP. XIII. Experiences of M. M. - By fearing Hell, and applying every cross to be a judgment of God for sin.

15. 14. EXP. XIV. Experiences of H. W. - By much prayer night and day against a dead heart, and that God would give him grace to live in a sincere conversation.

16. 15. EXP. XV. Experiences of D. R. - In fear of reprobation, seeing an emptiness in herself, and casting herself upon God, as his workmanship, to do what seemed good to him.

17. 16. EXP. XVI. Experiences of A. O. - In two year’s temptations to despair, by seeking God by prayer, and waiting upon his ordinances.

18. 17. EXP. XVII. Experiences of M. W. - When Satan tempted her, that she had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost, she protested before the Lord, though she should see nothing but Hell before her, yet she would trust in God.

19. 18. EXP. XVIII. Experiences of H. C. - By being persuaded she was a Hypocrite.

20. 19. EXP. XIX. Experiences of M. K. - By a dream of weapons to revenge by murder, and several other things that followed.

21. 20. EXP. XX. Experiences of M. H. - By consideration that some slips he fell into, being a Professor, brought dishonor to God, and scandal to the Gospel.

22. 21. EXP. XXI. Experiences of L. P. - By thoughts touching a child in her womb, when Satan tempted her to destroy herself.

23. 22. EXP. XXII. Experiences of F. P. - By a dream of the Death and Resurrection of Christ.

24. 23. EXP. XXIII. Experiences of C. M. - By trouble about some miscarriages towards her children.

25. 24. EXP. XXIV. Experiences of T. H. - From consideration that every one of his sins offended the Lord, and deserved his eternal curse.

26. 25. EXP. XXV. Experiences of E. B. - By laying to heart that she had not served God as she ought to do.

27. 26. EXP. XXVI. Experiences of G. D. - From trouble of spirit, that Satan was very busy with her.

28. 27. EXP. XXVII. Experiences of A. B. - From consideration in temptations, and of that destruction which would befall her, if she forsake her God.

29. 28. EXP. XXVIII. Experiences of W.C. - Being satisfied with nothing in his soul but the Lord Christ.

30. 29. EXP. XXIX. Experiences of A. C. - By seeing herself undone without Christ.

31. 30. EXP. XXX. Experiences of N. B. - A Papist, by his being persuaded to come into Protestant meetings.

32. 31. EXP. XXXI. Experiences of A. H. - By terror of Conscience, and fear that the Devil would fetch her, was converted from Popery.

33. 32. EXP. XXXII. Experiences of D. C. - From thoughts for offending so good a God.

34. 33. EXP. XXXIII. Experiences of A. H. - By falling into a sin she feared.

35. 34. EXP. XXXIV. Experiences of F. D. - By longing for Jesus Christ.

36. 35. EXP. XXXV. Experiences of H. W. - By his trouble for deadness of heart.

37. 36. EXP. XXXVI. Experiences of M. W. - By earnest prayer in trouble of spirit.

38. 37. EXP. XXXVII. Experiences of J. H. - By being thrown down so low, that he thought it almost impossible for God to save him.

39. 38. EXP. XXXVIII. Experiences of H. N. - From his hearing of Paul’s words, that all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

40. 39. EXP. XXXIX. Experiences of W. F. - From consideration of his sinful condition he wrestled with God by prayer, and would not let him go until he found comfort.

41. 40. EXP. XL. Experiences of T. G. - By solemn engagement to God, as he loved God, his word, or his own soul, to leave his sins.

42. 41. EXP. XLI. Experiences of E. D. - By being much troubled, that she could not serve God as she should.

43. 42. EXP. XLII. Experiences of W. W. - From the considerations of God’s gracious dealings towards him, and many deliverances.

44. 43. EXP. XLIII. Experiences of A.F. - By discovery of some particular sins when God took away several near relations.

45. 44. EXP. XLIV. Experiences of G. R. - By being brought near to despair for some things that touched her conscience.

46. 45. EXP. XLV. Experiences of J. G. - By being troubled at that place of Scripture, The wages of sin is death, which made him for a quarter of a year, meet with temptations by Satan to despair, but proved his conversion.

47. 46. EXP. XLVI. Experiences of A. G. - By God’s smiting the Conscience from her sense of sin.

48. 47. EXP. XLVII. Experiences of A. T. - By so great sorrow as made his heart ready to break, from the consideration of the hardness of his heart.

49. 48. EXP. XLVIII. Experiences of S. P. - By a Sermon at Norwich.

50. 49. EXP. XLIX. Experiences of E. L. - By following the hearing of the Word, though with a dead heart, until God quickened her.

51. 50. EXP. L. Experiences of J. F. - From the sense of her natural condition, and her sins, and offending God, laying it to heart.

52. 51. EXP. LI. Experiences of S. P. - From his experience of God’s deliverance to him from his enemies, against which he had engaged in the field.

53. 52. EXP. LII. Experiences of P. P. - By outward straits, and afflictions, and inward temptations of Satan.

54. 53. EXP. LIII. Experiences of M. T. - By coming to hear with a gathered Church.

55. 54. EXP. LIV. Experiences of E. R. - By a dream of Christ as a Child, carrying her over Hell, when she lay under despair for telling a lie, and was tempted of Satan to murder herself.

56. 55. EXP. LV. Experiences of T. M. - By a dream of Christ like a Child, and a Dragon, and other Beasts.

57. 56. EXP. LVI. Experiences of J. H. - By hearing the Word, and his conference with a Minister.

58. 57. EXP. LVII. Experiences of I. H. - By hearing Doctor Gouge, and prayer.

59. 58. EXP. LVIII. Experiences of T. R. - By several experiences of God’s deliverances to him.

60. 59. EXP. LIX. Experiences of J. S. - By sense of a dead heart.

61. 60. EXP. LX. Experiences of E. P. - By outward crosses.

62. 61. EXP. LXI. Experiences of G. S. - By coming to a private meeting.

63. 62. APPENDIX. The Practice of Gathered Churches in the City of London, and other parts of England.

PREF. To the Sober and Spiritual Readers of this Book.

The special, and unspeakable love, and care of our good Lord, and great Master, Jesus Christ, hath so manifestly appeared to his people (especially of late years) that out of his fullness he hath communicated so bountifully, that many of them, (like good Scribes) out of their Treasuries have been able to bring things new and old, for the refreshing, comforting, and supplying of many poor souls, which otherwise had been in extreme want and distress.

Also amongst the various ways of God’s teaching, Experience is one of the chiefest; for that is the inward sense and feeling, of what is outwardly read and heard; and the spiritual and powerful enjoyment of what is believed.

Experience is a Copy written by the Spirit of God upon the hearts of believers. It is one of Faiths handmaids, and attendants, and Hopes usher, Rom. 5:3.

And when Christ is with-drawn within the veil, and the wings of faith clipped, and the floods of temptation over-flow, and overwhelm the poor distressed, doubting, despairing, and drowning soul: this bark keeps, and holds up the souls-head above water, till the Ark return.

That Christian believes strongest, that hath Experience to back his faith, and that Saint speaks sweetest and homiest, that speaks experimentally; for that which cometh from one spiritual heart, reacheth another spiritual heart.

Experience is like steel to an edged soil, or like salt to fresh meat, it seasons brain-knowledge, and settles a shaking unsettled soul.

What hath been Printed of this nature, hath both been acceptable and profitable, to many precious Christians.

I hope that this is published for that end, and it will find the same acceptance, and produce the same effects with others of that nature; for herein you may see not only your own hearts, but many hearts, and heart-knowledge, is both necessary and precious to sincere souls.

I recommend this little Book to you, judging it (as far as I read) to be sound, spiritual, and savory, and worth your buying, reading, and perusing.

So committing you and it to the Lord and his blessing, I remain, the truths, and all the Saints friend and servant,

Vavasor Powell

EXP. I. Experiences of T. A. - Converted after three years terror upon his Conscience, and then rolling himself on Christ.

I Shall briefly give you my Experiences touching the graces of God’s Spirit in me.

1. Touching humiliation for sin, which I take to be for one to have the feeling of a burden of sin lying heavy upon him, and throwing himself down at the feet of Christ for mercy, with a broken heart. And it is not right, if it be only for fear of Hell, but in regard of sinning against the Love of God.

For myself, I found the terror of sin upon me so, that in my apprehension I could not be fit to take part of any good thing with the people of God; and thus it was with me three years, so that I partook of no Ordinance with profit. I heard the Word, but with little joy, only sometimes some short flashings, but could not be thoroughly resolved; yet I was troubled, that God should so lovingly send his Son, and I be so vile a sinner.

2. Touching Repentance, which I think to be not only a sorrow for sin, but a forsaking of it to a man’s power.

For myself, since my feeling of sin, God hath given me a heart to be careful either of committing, or omitting; I think a man cannot repent before he have faith: A man must first taste of the love of Christ.

3. Concerning Faith, which I conceive it to be in a man, that when God hath opened his eyes, to see the ugliness of sin, and shows him his promises for poor souls to come to Christ, then he rolls himself on Christ.

For my part, it hath been the desire of my soul, so to roll myself, and there to stick, hoping all my sins to be past by. The Promises I rest upon are:

Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will ease you.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock, if any man will open, I will come in.

Him that comes to me, I will in no wise cast out.

Come, and buy wine and milk without money.

This faith works obedience, and so according to the Apostle, let us endeavor to work out our salvation with fear and trembling; and works great love in us, and a willingness to suffer anything rather than to part from Christ, or any of his Ordinances. For my part, that I have found it so in some measure in myself is true, or else I could not speak this. And this love is not only to Christ, but to the members of Christ.

There are other Graces, as Patience, &c. but I conceive love is unanimous that sets the other on work.

I find also, that Grace works inwardly upon the heart to reprove it, as well as outwardly to restrain words and actions, and outward offenses.

It is about a year, since God brought me to some settlement of comfort upon the Promises aforementioned, only some clouds of doubts sometimes interpose; but God is pleased to rebuke them, and to assure me, his grace shall be sufficient for me.

T. A.

EXP. II. Experiences of T. P. - The terrors of Hell laid hold on him, for offering wrong against the people of God, that he cried out he was damned many years.

I have had some thoughts concerning my Spiritual condition, and made search into my Soul touching my estate in relation to God; and what testimony I can find of my interest in God, and conversion to God; and I have found this to be the way of God’s working to bring me to himself, through his great mercy in the Lord Jesus.

It hath pleased God ever since I was borne, to place me under the means of the Gospel, the neglect whereof hath been a great trouble and a grief unto my soul; this with many sins more, lay heavy upon my Conscience, especially some offense and wrong offered against the People of God, insomuch that the terrors of Hell laid hold upon me, and I began with Cain to cry out, that my burden was more then I was able to bear; I was a damned creature, I was out of the presence, and out of the favor of God, and never like to see his face with comfort, ready with Judas to destroy myself.

I continued in this condition many years. But God of his exceeding great mercy kept me from that great sin, and at last I received some comfort, in that the Lord proclaimeth himself to be the Lord God, gracious, merciful, long suffering, in forgiving sins; and he sware, he desired not the death of a sinner but rather that he should live. And again he saith, If our sins were as red as scarlet, he will make them as white as snow, or wool; Again, I am the Lord, and change not, therefore ye Sons of Jacob are not consumed. These with many other promises of Free Grace and Mercy yielded some comfort to my soul, yet for a long time I was troubled; if I prayed, I feared my prayers were an abomination unto the Lord; at last knowing the Lord heard the Ninevites, that were Heathens, I thought he was as able to save my soul.

It hath been my care to wait upon God in the means, knowing that faith cometh by hearing the Word; and upon all occasions to search my own heart, what part of the Word belongeth unto me, and what did not; I received some comfort with that promise, I will not break the bruised reed, nor quench the smoking flax; Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden; and I will give you rest; and, He that cometh unto me I will in no wise cast off.

These gracious promises, cause me to desire to draw nearer to God in union, and in communion.

T. P.

EXP. III. Experiences of M. W. - By a Sermon at Liverpool and after great afflictions, with a piece of a Bible in a barn.

When I lived in Ireland, and was in fullness of outward enjoyments, I had my thoughts much taken up about the things of the World, but little seriously touching the salvation of my soul; but about nine years since, being in the Church at Liverpool in Lancashire, I heard a Sermon preached by Mr. Thompson; his Text was, Redeem the time because the days are evil: Many things he spake so home to my soul; that I was very much troubled that I had spent so many days in evil. That I have been covetous, and proud, and impatient in the former days of my life. Yet it pleased the Lord, that I had an Husband that was an honest man, and one that feared God, who had often before given me good counsel, and sometimes persuaded me to make him some promises of amendment; but I had Children, and Servants, and Cattle, and lived plentifully in Ireland, from whence I had lately come with my husband and family; and indeed there had been no real conversion, though I had often thoughts towards God, and especially I was given much to impatiency, for which my husband had often reproved me: but still I went on in my sin, being not sensible of my sad condition therein, until I came into England: After which this Sermon of M. Tomson’s did much humble me, and wrought upon my heart a very great sense of my sins. And I was afraid that I had committed the sin of Blasphemy against God: as Job said his children perhaps had done, some way; because I had sometimes cursed somebody, or at something that had angered me, and in passion wrapped out sometimes an oath; and many nights I watered my bed with my tears about it, and went to Mr. West a Minister, at the Park near Liverpool, and other godly people thereabouts, who used such means, as God led them forth to, for my comfort; but I was still afflicted in my soul, about the space of three weeks, and then I found much comfort from Mr. Thompson, and from my husband, who persuaded me by good counsel to trust in God, which I did, and was heartily sorry for my sin.

And then my Husband was troubled in mind himself, and the Lord made me an instrument to comfort him, as well as I could. But about five months after, he had abundance of joy and comfort, and expected death; saying, that he was persuaded he should be killed, and so (presently after he was settled in his mind) it fell sadly out. For the Enemy took Liverpool, and killed my Husband, and a child, both before my face, and stripped, and wounded me, and a child of five years old; and it was thought I could not live. And this was a strong trial; and I was much tempted, my senses me thought were going from me, and my heart I thought would have melted in pieces, yet I prayed, and the Lord heard me, I thought it was too much for me to bear: but I remembered my Savior’s words, He that will not forsake Father, or Mother, or Sister, or Brother, or Husband, or Child for Christ, is not worthy of him, and I desired to give glory to his name. I considered that I must part with all for Christ, I strove hard against my own weakness; and my heart said, that God was just in all his dealings with me.

I thought, when I had considered of it, that I did but suffer as an evil doer myself; but our cause was God’s, and our Enemies Popish Rebels; Paul was ready not only to suffer, but to die at Jerusalem for the name of Christ; so I took it patiently, giving glory to God, and believing that God, who was come so near me, would not forsake me.

I was assured with much joy, that the Lord would bring me to himself, and in this confidence did rejoice with my wounded Child, and a little daughter, in a Barn where we were put, having gotten a piece of an old Bible; and then and since I have found much settledness in my faith from several Promises of the Lord, revealed in his holy Word, some of which follow.

Joh. 15:7. If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you. I trust in God never to depart from his Word, and therefore hope to find comfort in the end, and do find comfort in the way, in that Christ abideth with me.

Matth. 5:6. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled. Though the Lord hath thus emptied me of some worldly comforts, yet he hath given me a hungering and thirsting soul after himself, and therefore I laid hold of this promise of blessedness, as made to me.

Matth. 11:28. Christ saith, Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. In this I have been, and still am much comforted, in the greatest afflictions, that God hath laid upon me, in whom alone is true rest.

And as further testimonies of my love to God, and evidences of my faith, I have these comfortable inferences, which speak much peace to my soul.

1. My love to God and Christ, is more then to all things in the world.

2. I find a great difference in my affections to God, and to the world, and the things thereof; so that my Children, which of all worldly things are most near and dear to me, yet if God should take them from me, I could freely give them.

3. I find the Spirit striving against my flesh, so that when I heard lately Doctor Holmes, speaking of that still voice, which a Believer hears, as it were, from the Spirit, it did so enlarge my heart, that in joy and great comfort it made me weep, through the influence of the Spirit sensibly then upon my heart; and so at other times also, I find much comfort in the Spirit of God, which is my greatest joy.

4. I do rejoice mightily in the Ordinances, and apply what I hear to myself, as well as I can, and when I hear anything against any evil that I can apply to myself, the Lord draws forth my heart frequently to pray to God, that I may do nothing that may displease him. And I thank my God, I find a full willingness in desire, and affection to submit to every truth of Jesus Christ.

5. When I hear comforts spoken of that concerns me, I am so joyful that it fills my heart, and sometimes fetches tears from mine eyes, as particularly when Master Marshall said, That afflictions were a testimony of God’s love to his people, as Lazarus was sorely afflicted, and dearly beloved.

6. Since I heard Mr. Bond, and others, as also (suitable to my condition) several things laid open by Master Walker upon some cases of Conscience; I have been much affected to settle myself in all things so by the power of Christ, that I may find peace in my conscience in all things before I die, and have made it my chiefest business, and I have found much settlement in it, and much comfort in the meetings of godly people both since, and for four years before.

7. I bless the name of the Lord, my affections are loving to the people of God, and I know I love them dearly, and my heart riseth to hear them spoken against; I had rather bear reproaches myself, then see any one of them wronged, or suffer.

8. I desire, as to live with God in glory in Heaven, so to lead my life to his glory here on earth in grace, and to live according to the rule of his holy Word, and the examples of the Saints therein expressed; and I could heartily wish, were it possible, that I might never sin more. And I have (I bless God) a clear discerning, through the power of the Spirit of Grace, that the Gospel is the word of truth to salvation.

9. When I come before the Lord, I see nothing but emptiness in myself, and therefore trust in the fullness of Christ, in whose power and Spirit I find much comfort, and desire always, that I may come prepared with that wedding garment that never may be taken away from me; for of myself I can do nothing, but through Christ, If he abide in me, and I in him, I shall do all things.

M. W.

EXP. IV. Experiences of I. I. - By waiting upon the ordinances.

When I was in the midst of my wealth, and worldly enjoyments, I was vain, covetous, and wholly had my heart taken up with the things of the world, little or nothing minding the things of God, or thinking of a change, but went on in a presumption, putting the evil day far off, minding only for the present what pleased the flesh; until about eight years since, I had many outward crosses befell me, and was in some want; and then being under that dispensation, I was much troubled, and full of griefs, I sought to the Lord, and begged deliverance from the affliction of my distresses, as to outward wants, but had not an heart to consider what was the cause, or to seek out the mind of God in it, until about two years and an half since, I heard D. Holmes, showing sin to be the cause of all our crosses. The consideration hereof did come close unto my spirit, and I had a clear conviction of my vanity, and foolish doting on worldly things, which had justly provoked the Lord, (I hope for my good) to lay those crosses upon me, which, though they were for a time bitter, yet God hath since sweetened.

But my sorrow was then doubled, and I was dejected, not only for my outward crosses, but more especially for my carnal heart, and for my vain conversation, whereby I had stirred up the anger of the Lord against me: I went to the Ordinances, hoping to find comfort from the Word; but the weight of my sins, and my sufferings pressed me so down, that I found much heaviness: My sins especially lay heavy upon me, and I saw little hope of comfort; yea the Lord was pleased to work in my heart a loathing of sin, as well as a trouble for the affliction it hath brought upon me. But about a year and a half since, I heard Master Walker prove by Scripture, in a Sermon (very effectual to my comfort) that those who have been the greatest of sinners, if they do heartily and really repent, and turn to God by faith in Christ, and lead a new life, the Lord will receive them to mercy. Hereupon I argued with my soul, that though I had been a great sinner, yet the Lord had wrought my heart to a loathing of those sins I loved; and of all sins; to turn to the Lord, and sincerely desire to serve him: That therefore there was hope of mercy for me: I heard Mr. Walker, and Mr. Masterson, and others at Sommerset-house, and other places, and frequented divers other meetings, where I found much comfort.

Those several places of Scripture, in which I chiefly found comfort from the Promises of God are, Matth. 11:28,29,30, where Christ saith, Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls: for my yoke is easy, and my burden light. This made me to hope, that as the Lord hath given me a heavy heart laden with the sense of sin, so Christ Jesus would give me comfort; for in the 12th ver. of the same Chapter, it is said, a bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench. And though I had dishonored Christ, yet I had not blasphemed the Holy-ghost, and therefore had encouragement to believe from the words of Christ, Luk. 12:10, whosoever shall speak a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him, but unto him that blasphemeth against the Holy-ghost, it shall not be forgiven.

I was comforted to wait upon the Lord in hope, because the Lord had humbled my soul, and opened mine eyes to see mercy offered unto me, and this was strengthened from that example, Lam. 3:20-26. My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me. This I recall to mind, therefore have I hope. It is the Lord’s mercy that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness, the Lord is my portion, saith my soul, therefore will I hope in him. The Lord is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him. And I was much encouraged from hence to seek the Lord, and hope in his mercy.

My conscience told me, I was a great sinner, and deserved death and Hell, but my hope was in God, and strengthened from that Promise, Ezek. 18:21,22,23. If the wicked will turn from all his sins, that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die; All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned unto him: In his righteousness that he hath done he shall live. Have I any pleasure at all that the wicked should die, saith the Lord God, and not that he should turn from his ways and live?

And the Lord was pleased to put into my spirit a very great resolution to serve the Lord for the time to come, and I praise my God, I have had since much joy in duties of Piety, and sucked much sweetness from the Word of God, and godly Ministers; I have no desire to enjoy the pleasures and vanities of the world, as I have had, but my heart now takes delight in God, and communion with his people; the Lord hath given me an heart to discern a beauty, and desirableness, in the ways of God, which are more joyful to me now, then ever sin was formerly; and when I come at the Ordinances, I often find and feel such heavenly refreshments from the Lord upon mine heart, that it makes me exceeding full of joy. There is such a love upon my heart to God, that I dare not willingly offend him in anything; I rejoice to hear his Name spoken of, and his glory exalted; and I find a very great affection drawn by the power of God from my heart to such as seem to be his people.

I. I.

EXP. V. Experiences of E. C. - After seven years temptation to kill herself, for neglecting to come to the ordinances, she threw herself upon Christ.

About some nine years ago at the birth of a Child I had very great temptations, of destroying myself, and have had oftentimes a Knife put into my hand to do it, so that I durst not be left by myself alone; and when I had considered what the causes of it might be, my Conscience did hint most my neglecting of duties, (the which I had many opportunities to have performed) they being the Ordinances of God.

Thus I continued till two years ago I buried a Child, which was a very great trouble to me to part with, and then was I more fully convinced of sin, which caused my burden to be the greater, so that I could seldom have any other thoughts but of desperation; but the Lord kept me by his great mercy, so that sometimes I could pray with devotion, and discern the Lord to remove this great trouble from me, I did plainly find that those great temptations were very much lessened, which was a great comfort unto my spirit; but yet this still was upon me, that I could read the Promises, but I found none of them to me; I could not say, God was mine, or had discovered himself unto me, in pardoning my sins; yet this I had often thoughts of, that I would throw myself upon Christ, if I perished I perished; and not long since, I had a very great desire to join myself to that Society which was truly godly, and Providence ordered it so, that I had my desire in it; which was of great use and encouragement unto me, in believing the Promise of the Gospel; and since, I bless God, I have found some satisfaction in several places of Scripture: As,

First, in Matth. 11:28. Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. And feeling such a burden then upon my soul, I relied upon that true rest.

Another place is in 1 Joh. 2:2. And he is the reconciliation for our sins, and not for ours only, but for the sins of the whole world. I being one in the world, I applied this to myself; and in 1 Joh. 4:14. The Father sent the Son to be the Savior of the world.

Another place of Scripture is, Joh. 3:17. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved. And in ver. 35. He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life. Upon this account I said, I believe, Lord, help my unbelief. And in the sixth Chapter of John, and 67th and 68th ver., Jesus said unto his Disciples, Will ye go from me also? Peter saith unto him, Lord, whither shall we go, for thou hast the words of eternal life?

So, that I will wait upon the Lord for a further manifestation of himself unto my soul; in the use of his Ordinances: although I have not in times past been fed with the Children’s bread, yet now I do believe I shall not be denied those crumbs of Spiritual comforts, to nourish and refresh my wearied spirit; for God saith, Isa. 55:1. Ho! Everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money, come ye, buy and eat; yea, come buy wine, and milk without money, and without price.

And I praise God, I have found of late a very great manifestation of God’s working a change upon my heart, and drawing me by true faith to himself.

1. About a quarter of a year since, I heard Mr. Bond, in a Sermon at the Abbey at Westminster, upon the Luke-warmness of the Church of Laodicea, showing that the Lord would refuse none that come in to him in humbleness of spirit, and sincerity of heart; then I thought surely I might make use of those full promises which was made to those that came to him; and it put me to search the Scriptures, which I did, and found a greater influence upon my spirit in the understanding of the Word then before.

2. I am in all things that I do, fearful of offending God, and my desire is, to do all things to his glory.

3. My love to God is so hearty, that I delight to be meditating of God, and have communion with God, and could wish that I might be wholly, if it were possible, with God; and my heart is never so at rest, as when I am reading of his Truths, or hearing others speak of them.

4. I am so little affected to the world, that I account it nothing; I can willingly leave all for God, and I hope suffer anything for God, if he should please to call me to it, so far as I can judge of my own heart, but herein trusting in the power of Christ.

5. Sin is loathsome to me, so that the affections that I did bear to some evils are now gone, and I now loath them more then before I loved them.

6. I have many conflicts between the flesh and the Spirit, but I find (in those strivings) my heart most cleaving to follow the mind of God, knowing that if I give way to sin, Satan enters; and with all my soul I desire, and delight to follow the leadings of God’s Spirit.

7. In all things the resolutions of my heart are for doing those things that may please God, and that without delay; being fearful to offend God, which when through infirmity I do, I have great trouble of spirit for it; and my resolutions are always against everything that may hinder my peace with God.

8. I find in my heart so great a peace between God and my Conscience, that should God now call me, I should be very well contented to go to my Savior.

9. I do not doubt of God’s love to me, because he hath drawn forth my heart sincerely to love him.

10. My love hath been always from a Child to the people of God, and my heart hath been ever troubled when I have heard them evil spoken of,

11. My affections are great to the Ordinances, and my heart longeth after them; and when at any time I come with a cold heart to duties, yet my heart is frequently warmed, and enlarged in those duties.

E. C.

EXP. VI. Experiences of D. M. - By a young infant, when she went to a Pond to drown herself.

About forty years since, through many crosses increasing upon me, like an armed man. I flew unto God to seek his mind by prayer, and he discovered to me that it was my sins, which were then set before me; which caused me to feel the hand of God by afflictions upon me, that sin was the cause of my sufferings, which lay very heavy upon me, and terrified me, so that I thought I had been in the way to damnation: and that if I had been in the way to salvation, every affliction would not come so upon me, greater than I thought I could be able to bear. In particular, The Lord discovered to me, that I had too much loved my Husband in a fleshly love, making an idol of him, and therefore he justly became a great terror to my spirit, first he became an enemy to goodness, and so a hindrance to me in coming to Christ. And also, that while I thus doted on him, he went away from me: I feared, through the sense of that and other sins, together with the aggravation of my afflictions, that God did not love me; Yet it struck into my heart, that God did not strike willingly, and therefore I endeavored to see what was the mind of God in it, who had taken away my husband, goods, and all, from me; namely that he had done it, that I should not hang upon husks, but that I should love him.

And I found that I had loved the world too much, and set my heart too much upon these Creature-comforts, and therefore the Lord took them away from me. This wrought upon me great troubles, and despair; that I cried until I was almost blind: And I had great fear and trembling upon me, that I could not pray, nor hear with profit, but thought it was in vain for me to pray, whom God loved not, and whom I had so offended.

And about a quarter of a year after, I had a temptation by Satan to drown myself in a Pond near Leeds in York-shire, whither the Devil led me, telling me that I might do it there; it being a private place where nobody could see me; and I was by him drawn out thither, and came to the Pond side, but by the providence of God, having a great love to a young infant I had then, I took that child in my arms; and when I came to the place, I looked upon the child, and considered with myself, what, shall I destroy myself and my poor child? And cried unto God, Lord, what wilt thou have me to do? And I had a sore conflict at that time with the Devil; But me thought at last, I heard the Lord saying to my soul, as he did to Paul, Trust in me, my grace is sufficient for thee. And then I found some comfort, which enlarged my heart, through the assistance of God’s Spirit, to call upon the name of the Lord, for further assistance and comfort, and so I went away back with much joy, believing that I should have the favor of God.

And the Lord put it into my mind to go to one E. B. that dwelt by a Moor side near Leeds, whom I knew was a godly woman, and she opened to me the troubles of David, and Job, and gave me sweet comfort, saying, God is by me, and I did not see him, as Job wished, so she wrought upon my heart to wish, O that I could see him, O that I could behold him; and my heart was full of joy, and I cried, and was much grieved, with very great repentance that I had been so seduced, and did so despair of God’s mercies, and had been so blinded. And the Lord set it upon my spirit, that though I had laid all aside, yet now I would come out of the Wilderness leaning on my beloved; and had a greater affection to the ways of God then ever; and delighted in them more than ever. Before they were a burden to me, now they were easy and sweet.

And being at York, I heard a Minister there out of Hos. 2, preach that which wrought much comfort in me, in that Christ had promised to betroth himself to every believer: And then, and since I have had much joy in the Promises of God, and can through the Spirit of God, which I find and feel in my heart, lay hold by faith on them, as my particular interest.

Rom. 10:4. Christ is the end of the Law for righteousness to everyone that believeth. Christ by his Spirit hath wrought belief in me, both in his promises and threatening’s, and to labor to live according to his word, therefore I conclude, that I shall be saved by the righteousness of my Savior.

Rom. 9:4. Who are Israelites? To whom pertaineth the adoption, and the glory, and the Covenants, and the giving of the Law, and the service of God, and the promises? I know that every believer is a true Israelite, and brought under the Covenant of grace by Jesus Christ, and that therefore the promises of grace and salvation belong to me.

Rom. 3:21,22. But now the righteousness of God without the Law is manifested, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets, even the righteousness of God, which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all, and upon all them that believe, for there is no difference: I being one whom God hath drawn to believe, it is manifested unto me, that I have an interest in the righteousness of Jesus Christ, to justify me before God by his merits, which are made mine by faith.

Hos. 2:19,20. I will betroth thee unto me forever, yea I will betroth thee unto me in righteousness, and in judgment, and in loving kindness, and in mercies; I will even betroth thee unto me in faithfulness, and thou shalt know the Lord. I find great comfort from this promise, in that the Lord doubles and trebles his Promises, and enlargeth himself, and offers himself so freely to the soul.

And as testimonies of my real conversion to God, and union with Jesus Christ, and that reconciliation is made between God and my soul, I find these real evidences wrought by God’s blessed Spirit in me.

1. I find in my heart great love to God, that when God saith, Seek my face, my heart joins again, saying, thy face Lord will I seek. And I find nothing so dear unto me as the love of God, and if my heart deceive me not, I could bear and suffer anything to bring glory to God, accounting all things but dung and dross below Christ.

2. When anything of the flesh riseth against the motions of God’s Spirit to draw me from good, or to do evil; I find frequently the power of the Spirit to subdue my heart not to submit to the flesh, but to walk in his way, and yet I am so sensible of my infirmities, that all that I do or can do is nothing, but as filthy rags; but I know Jesus Christ is my Savior, and stands engaged for me; and when the flesh is weakest, I find the Spirit thirsting after God.

3. I find in my heart a very great thirsting after the Ordinances, and a great enlargement of heart, and comfort in the Ordinances, my heart being delighted to be among the people of God, and full of joy in them.

4. When thoughts of want at any time arise, I find a full satisfaction in God, so that I find the better part, which never can be taken from me, which is my interest in Jesus Christ; And I find in my Conscience a great testimony of my Spiritual union with God, and that I am so separated from the world in my affections, that God hath drawn me to himself.

5. God who searcheth the heart, knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the Saints according to the will of God, which will of God I find a free submission to in my heart with joy; knowing, that all things shall work together for good to them that love God.

6. It is the chiefest desire of my heart, that God would keep me close by his side; and I have abundance of joy in communion with the Lord, which is more sweet to me, then my joy in anything.

7. I delight much to speak of God, and of his ways, and to use what means I can to comfort the Saints, whom I love dearly, and if possible to convert sinners.

D. M.

EXP. VII. Experiences of AE. L. - By being driven through afflictions to go to the meetings of godly people.

I had about three years since, some great grief upon my spirit about a Daughter, which was brought to great sufferings, and by reason of her going away in her affliction, I thought she had made away herself: God put it into my thoughts to remember my sins; and that God had laid this affliction upon me, for neglecting my duty to him, and not serving him as I ought. This caused great sorrow in me, and abundantly to shed tears: my sins I thought was the occasion that the Lord made her so great a cross to me, for which I had deserved it, so that both became a great grief to my soul; and thus I lay languishing in very great sorrow: Then I began to think with myself that there is no refuge but only in Christ: and I consulted my thoughts, how to go to good company, and meetings, where I might find comfort from the people of God.

And about two years and a quarter since, one morning I came to Mr. Squibs to join with godly people that came thither to prayer, though with a great deal of distraction in my mind; and I shown my discontents and condition to him, which he was presently capable of: And he told me, that if I had but a mind to seek God, and to repent, he was gracious, and would receive me to mercy: The thing that I did earnestly beg of God was, to know Christ Crucified for me; and he told me, that indeed was the best of all: And after some good instructions which he had given me, and some things from others, I was much delighted to frequent the meetings of God’s servants, and good Sermons; and I found many good operations upon my heart.

And after very strong conflicts, which I had had thus for about three quarters of a year, lying in my bed, and waking all the night, and calling upon God, to direct me to ask at his hands those things which might be for his glory, and my comfort, and begging that the Lord would give me a settled heart, that might not be dispersed to and fro with the things of the world. In the morning I fell into a slumber, with God still in my thoughts, in which I heard as it were a voice from heaven speaking to my heart, and saying thus, Ask of God a perfect upright heart to walk in his presence; which when I was more fully awake, I took to be the motions of God’s Spirit upon my Conscience, which did fill me with much joy, provoking me to pray to the Lord to grant me that grace.

And about two years since, the Lord gave me yet a sense of my sins in a greater measure then before, and my repentance was greater for my sins, and more spiritual, and my hatred of sin more real. And I then found a sore combat betwixt the flesh and the spirit, being more sensible how I had lived from the rule of the Gospel, and did yet come short of my duty therein, and it was a great grief to my heart, that I could not live according to that which God had revealed of his will to me.

And about this time, whilst I was thus troubled in spirit, I heard some things in ever all Sermons preached by Master Bond, touching the sins of our natural corruptions, and what holiness God requires of us. And I heard Mr. Carter, showing that we should strive to enter in at the narrow gate, so that it wrought in my heart a very great sense of my sins.

And in these conflicts I met with many discouragements: and Satan did tempt me to despair, but the Lord sustained me. I considered, that as a sinner I deserved nothing but Damnation, but my comfort was in Christ: and my grief was interlaced with comforts: sometimes I was in sorrow two or three days, and sometimes a week, and then again found comfort, and still often prayed unto the Lord to lay no more weight upon me, then he would give me strength to bear, and I found the Lord to be my shield and buckler, and remembered many promises from the Lord, in which to this day, I bless God, I have, and still do find much comfort.

Psal. 34:19. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivereth him out of them all: I have had many afflictions for my sins, but none but Christ’s righteousness is my comfort, in whom I trust for deliverance.

Ezek. 33:11. As I live saith the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye, from your evil ways, for why will ye die, O ye house of Israel.

Matth. 11:28. Come unto me all ye that labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

Ezek. 18:30. Repent and turn yourselves from all your transgressions, so iniquity shall not be your ruin.

Isa. 43:25. I, even I am he, that blotteth out thy transgressions for my own sake, and will not remember thy sins.

These and divers other promises, I praise God, I have had comfort from, and as the fruits of my faith, and my love to God, I have these Evidences wrought by his Spirit through faith in my heart, as a further manifestation of my interest in Christ.

1. I believe in the promises of the free mercies of God, in the merits of Christ, and can apply them with comfort to my own soul as mine by faith.

2. My heart and my mind affects God over all the pleasures and joys in the world, and when I think of the things of the world in relation to God, I think that without God all is but vain and vanity.

3. When I think of my crosses and afflictions in the world, then I lift up my heart to God in Christ, and can say, Having thee, I have all things; if I have Christ, I have enough.

4. My heart rejoices in duties, and my soul doth more rejoice in hearing the word, than in worldly pleasures.

5. I have the peace of God upon my conscience, which is more to me than all things in the world, and makes me set the world at naught, and it is my prayer, that I may never be without that peace of God whatever befalls me.

6. The Lord hath given me a contented mind in what condition, soever the Lord doth bring me to; and his Spirit worketh upon my heart, that I do not repine against his will.

AE. L.

EXP. VIII. Experiences of J. B. - By a Son, a little child of six years of age.

About seventeen years since, a Child of mine about six years of age, when I have bid him go forth to play, he hath come in again very solitary because other Children would swear, and some be deboyst; I would ask him, Robert, what aileth you, why do you not go to play? He would answer, That he had no fellows to play withal, but such as would swear, and the like, and they could not be (said he) God’s children. I would say, Why not Child? Then he would say, No Mother, though I am but a little way in my Book, yet I have learnt, that God will not pardon such sins, as swearing; I have sometimes said, Yes Child, I hope God will pardon them, else God help thy Father, and God help us all: Then he hath replied, Mother, with great repentance God can forgive, for his mercies are great; but good Mother, let us forbear that which is evil. And many times I had such conference with that Child, that seeing me troubled about it, he hath said; Good Mother be content, their Parents are such, and they must needs learn after them.

I thought upon my Childs words, and having before often offended God, about gathering of Flowers in my garden on the Lord’s Days, and the thoughts of other failings in my conversation, it wrought great trouble upon my heart, so that I was much afflicted in soul, considering that my Child, so young, should give me such instructions; which hath proved a blessing to me, to bring me home to him; I did then make some doubt whether God would forgive me those sins, and about that time hearing Doctor Usher preach several Sermons, and particularly upon that Text, That we are but sojourners and travelers here; and showing that we are not at home, therefore we must keep on in the straight way to Heaven, and take heed of the broad way, which leadeth to Hell, which then, as also other means since, did much throw me down low under the sense of sin, yet not without sometimes some refreshments.

And from a Sermon I heard preached by Doctor Usher, That the Lord is the shield and defense of those that trust in him; I had some comforts in my hopes in the Lord’s mercies, but I found many doubting’s still; yet about seven years and an half since, Mr. Thompson made a Sermon at Liverpool, then besieged by the Enemy, showing, That we must lay hold on the Lord, and hold fast, and he would lead us through all troubles; and the Tuesday sennit after it was lost, where many were killed and taken, I bless God, I had no hurt at all, which did give me much comfort, that the Lord of his mercy had so delivered me; I did, and still do hope that the Lord had a further mind to save me to come to him, to draw me more near to himself; which together with some other deliverances of the Lord’s great mercy, I took great comfort in, so that when I had scarce bread and water, and I have been straightened since, yet I found still comfort from the Lord for myself, and to be an instrument to help others, who were prisoners by the Enemy.

And the Lord then, and since hath by his Spirit comforted me with several promises, which I praise God I can apply to my particular interest and propriety, by which I have a testimony of my true belief, some of which are these which follow.

Gen. 15:1. The word of the Lord came unto Abraham in a vision saying, Fear not, Abraham, I am thy shield, and thy exceeding great reward. I had found the Lord to be my shield in those many deliverances he had wrought for me, and had taken away that distrustful fear, which before was upon me, and therefore I was, and still am confident he will be my exceeding great reward.

Psal. 119:57. Thou art my portion, O Lord, I have said that I would keep thy words. The same God wrought in my heart, to say with David, that I would keep thy word, O Lord; (though I cannot as I should, yet) my desire is to keep it, my mind is to keep it; therefore I presume with David to say, Thou art my portion, O Lord.

Joh. 15:5. Christ saith, I am the vine, ye are the branches, he that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit, for without me ye can do nothing. I know myself to be nothing without Christ, and therefore (though I have infirmities; yet) my heart abides in Christ. And therefore I hope to find righteousness and salvation not in myself, but in Christ, desiring also that I may bring forth fruit, as a branch in him.

Rom. 8:1. There is therefore now no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the spirit: I find myself to be one of those, who walk in my heart after the ways of God, to which I am led by his Spirit, and not after the flesh: though I cannot serve God so well as I would I do as well as I can; and am troubled in my spirit for my failings, and therefore I believe I shall never be condemned.

And I have these testimonies of my conversion, and sincere love to God, as the fruits of my faith.

1. The Lord hath by his Spirit manifested to my soul, that the wisdom of the Spirit is life and peace, and the Lord hath wrought that peace in my heart, that I do not desire in any way to break from it, for any other enjoyments whatsoever.

2. This I desire to be built upon, that I may find Christ for my life and peace.

3. I find that the Lord hath greatly wrought upon me, and my mind is fully affected with the Lord, out of whom I do not care for anything that is in the world.

4. My desire is wholly to serve God, and leave all things in the world as vain, muck, and trifles for the enjoyment of him.

5. My love is so much to Christ, and God in Christ, as that having him, I know I have all things, and without him, I have nothing.

6. I find that I have great comfort, and am much refreshed by Ordinances, a feeling of the Spirit is frequently wrought upon my heart therein, and I have received a great deal of comfort therein, when I have been weak; and it hath been a refreshing to me, when food hath been scant. And particularly, from several Sermons preached at the Abby at Westminster, by Mr. Whitaker, Mr. Marshal, Mr. Carter, and others, as also Mr. Peters at Whitehall, Dr. Homes at Clarkenwell, Mr. Walker at Knightsbridge, and at other private meetings of godly people.

7. I find that the comfort of the Ordinances are more sweet to me, then all the pleasures, riches, or friends in the world; for they are contenting comforts, and so are not worldly things.

8. I could find in my heart willingly to die, and leave children, brothers, sisters, and all the world besides, to go to my Christ.

J. B.

EXP. IX. Experiences of A. J. - By waiting on the ordinances after loss of a precious Husband, and that in affliction of spirit for near a year’s time.

When it pleased God to call my husband from me, which was about eight years since, I was (for a time) exceedingly cast down, and troubled, as I think any poor creature could be; in which I was so overwhelmed, that I did not know which way to turn myself, nor what to do, yet seeking the Lord, to find out what was his mind in the thing: I had lost a good estate, had nobody to look after my business, had many injured me, and had lost (above the rest) a precious husband, whom I entirely loved, yet the Lord put it into my heart, that all this was to wean me from my sins, and too much doting upon an Husband, and other worldly enjoyments, which my heart was too much taken up with, therefore the Lord was pleased to strip me of them in a great measure, to bring me nearer to himself.

I went to diverse places to hear several Ministers, by waiting upon the Ordinances to seek after the Lord, if possible I might find comfort, and satisfaction to my soul herein, but continued in much affliction upon my spirit, for near a year’s time; but at last I heard Mr. Jenkins upon a Lord’s Day in the after-noon, preaching out of the 21st Chapter of John the 18th and 19th ver., Verily, Verily, I say unto thee, when thou wast young; thou girdedst thyself, and walkedst whither thou wouldest; but when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and carry thee whither thou wouldest not. This spake he signifying by what death he should glorify God. The consideration of which dispensation from God to him, drew forth my heart to be contented with whatsoever the Lord should be pleased to lay upon me: and I was satisfied to suffer or bear anything, in that it was the Lord’s will to glorify himself, by such dispensations towards the Saints.

And the Lord hath since made me as he did David, to be contented as well with his rod, as with his staff; and then, and since, I praise the Lord, I can say with David, It was well for me, that I was afflicted. And I was comforted with that example of the woman in the Gospel, to whom it was said by Christ, that it is not lawful to take the children’s bread, and to cast it to dogs, in that I could say with her, truth Lord, but the dogs may lick the crumbs that fall from their masters table; and I remembered God’s dispensations towards Job and David, and resolved with Joshua, that I and my house would serve the Lord. And although it was a bitter pill to me to bear the cross before, yet now my God hath made it easy; and I praise the Lord, through his grace, I can go under it with a great deal of comfort; and he hath now discovered to me the way of his working in those things, which before were wonderful strange to me.

Many special promises I found great comfort in, some that I remember are these that follow, (viz.)

1 Pet. 5:6,7. Humble yourselves therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time. Casting all your care on him, for he careth for you. This promise I have found of a truth made good to me in some measure, I have applied it often, and have found the comfort of it.

2 Cor. 1:29. My grace is sufficient for thee. From this place I found much comfort, knowing the fullness of so glorious a portion.

Jam. 1:2,3,4. Count it all joy, when ye fall into diverse temptations, knowing this, that the trial of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing, this administered great joy to me against all temptations.

Isa. 55:1. Ho! Everyone that thirsteth come ye to the waters of life, and he that hath no money, come ye, buy and eat. This gave great comfort to my soul at several times, though it was never so much cast down.

And that which gives me great content and comfort is, the seal of God’s Spirit in my heart, giving evidence of peace in the blood of Christ, between God and my soul, by these testimonies.

1. My love to God is so, that I am confident (if the Lord keep me with this Spirit, which at this time he hath bestowed upon me) I could be content to part with anything, or lay down my life for his glory, if he should call me to it.

2. The Lord hath been pleased so to enrich my soul with his Spirit, that I loathe the things of the world, when they would draw me, in anything, from submitting to the motions of God’s Spirit in my heart: I once thought nothing could have drawn me from the love of the vain things of the world, but now I do as much disdain them for God, and more than then I loved them.

3. I do desire to follow God’s Ordinances, and find great enlargements of my heart to God, both to, and in the Ordinances: And particularly from Mr. Saloway, Mr. Strong, Mr. Walker, and others, as also at meetings from Mr. Valentine, and others, from whom many things have fallen that have much refreshed my soul, and I find my heart in duties to God, more refreshed than in anything.

4. I find much peace in my conscience, because of a free submission which his Spirit hath wrought in my soul to all the commands of Jesus Christ; and I find comfort in that true circumcision which is in my heart, wrought by his Spirit.

5. I find every day so great a peace in my soul, and such comfort in God, that I could be willing, and I bless God, find in me a readiness to die every moment.

A. J.

EXP. X. Experiences of A. A. - In the loss of Children, and great buffetings for sin, by waiting upon God by prayer.

About two years since, my Husband was sore wounded, which I took as a great trial, not having above a month to go with child at that time, and I was troubled at it. And about a quarter of a year after I was up, all my children were sick together of the small pox.

Yet all this did not work upon me inwardly so sensibly, as about a month afterwards, when one of my children died suddenly, when I thought he had been near well, then I said, the wages of sin is death, thinking that the Lord had warned me by threatening’s fatherly before, but I did not hearken to him, and therefore I thought he smote me now, by the death of my child. But yet I could not enter into any particular sins that God should strike at, only in general; I sought the Lord, that God would lay open my sins to me, I was very much troubled, that the Lord took my child so suddenly from me: but I was comforted several times from Mr. Strong, in some Sermons preached from the words of the Church to Paul, going to suffer at Jerusalem, Act. 21:14, when he would not be persuaded, we ceased, saying, The will of the Lord be done.

So I was settled pretty well in my thoughts, until about a quarter of a year since, suddenly the Lord stroke the elder of my two children then living, which was a Boy, my other, which is a Girl, I did not so much value, but now I do, and know God’s mercy in sparing her, but my child that then died, was the chief comfort that my heart was fixed upon in this world, which hath been so great a grief to me, that I have slept few nights quiet since, I did desire to know the mind of God what he would do with me.

Sometimes I should have despaired through great buffetings inwardly, but that the Lord sustained me. Sometimes I thought that the wrath of God was kindled against me, thinking never to have comfort in this world again. But blessed be the Lord for it, he hath often comforted me in this, that I have thought he did it in love to me; yet sometimes I have feared that I should despair, and that the hand of God was against me in it, having been sometimes troubled with thoughts, that I was the death of my children.

Thus I have been between hope and despair, and could not find what the will of God was in it towards me: and I have had many fears that the hand of God is still against me, for further punishment, because I have had many temptations upon me, in low thoughts of God. But I have gone to prayer, and desired the Lord to deliver me, and discover his mind to me, in everything that I do, and have found a willingness to part with anything, even to cut off a limb, or anything if I could find out what it was: and I bless God I have found a good spirit resisting the bad. Yet I have been under much fear, that I was not a child of God. But it hath pleased God to comfort me in this, that Paul’s life was subject to temptations, and therefore I had hope to cast myself upon the mercies of God, resolving that then if I perish, I perish, never daring to offend willingly in anything, that I know to be a sin; and yet I know I am a wretched sinner, but yet I humbly desire to do the will of God, so far as I am able. And in that I can say with David, Psal. 42:1. As the Hart panteth after the water brooks, so panteth my soul after thee, O God. I find comfort with him to say, Why art thou cast down, O my soul? And why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise him, for the help of his countenance, ver. 5. And I will look unto the Lord, with the Prophet Micah, I will wait for the God of my salvation, my God will hear me, Mic. 7:7. And I have found much comfort in applying several promises to my soul.

Matth. 5:4. Christ saith, Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted: As God hath given me a mourning spirit for my sins, so I believe that in his time I shall be comforted, and I have tasted, I bless God, of the comforts of his spirit in my soul.

Isa. 55:1. The Lord saith, Ho! Everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money, come ye, buy, and eat, yea, come, buy wine and milk without money, and without price. As the Lord hath made my soul to thirst for him, so I doubt not but to find him.

And the Lord swears, Ezek. 33:11. As I live, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way, and live; I thank God, my heart and soul is turned from all things chiefly after the Lord.

And as at other times, so in a special manner, I have found sweet evidences of my faith and interest in God through Christ; since, I had lately much comfort from a Sermon Preached by Mr. Strong, who shown that afflictions did not make us low in the sight of God, though before men; as also from words at a conference by Mr. Valentine, That in the world we shall have tribulations; but in God rest.

And, 1. I do clearly find that my love is more set upon God then upon anything.

2. I could more willingly leave the world now, then ever before, and I could willingly die, if God saw it good, in the mind I now am.

3. I find in my heart, that I do so cast myself upon God, that I have peace with God.

4. In times of doubting’s, I find comfort that I have a God to call upon, and I find much peace in my mind in returns from God.

5. I do always find, when any evil thoughts arise, a power from God which subdues them, so that I never willingly give way to them.

6. I find my affections ready to go forth both to duties, and in duties to God; and when I come to them with little affection, yet I bless God I find a great deal of comfort usually before I go away.

7. The most comfort to my spirit is, when I am weeping for my infirmities, or at prayer, or duties, in public or private, me thinks I find such joy in them, that I could dwell there, having no comfort in the world like that.

8. I find in my heart a real love to all: if any have wronged me, I do not desire revenge, but that I may be at peace with all.

9. Whatsoever I find to be a truth from God, and a motion of his spirit, I find in my soul a willing submitting to it.

A. A.

EXP. XI. Experiences of E. C. - By repulsing the Devil when he appeared to her, and tempted her.

About thirty years since, being about sixteen years of age, though I did not understand the word, yet I had a great desire to the word, and to go to hear, because they served God therein that did so, knowing that there is a God that ought to be served. And I sat often in corners studying what way I might come to God, if I should die, having a very great affection wrought by the Lord upon my spirit, praying as well as I could, that myself, and my father, and mother, and friends might go to God, when we die.

And I was very much set upon duties, thinking to find God there; but I afterwards lived in a family, where I was much hindered from the Ordinances, or partaking of anything of God, which was a great grief unto me. Yet sometimes I have had thoughts then towards worldly things, and pondering how to be rich or fine as others, but God wrought in my heart a remorse to check those temptations. And frequently the Lord laid some affliction or other upon me to wean me the more from such vain thoughts, which hath brought my heart into a very sad condition many times, and sometimes I have wept day and night. And at other times, through grief that I could not sorrow enough, I have fallen into a great measure of weeping.

After, I had lived in several other families, where I had little comfort. About twenty years since, hearing Mr. F. at his Lecture at Martins, and Mr. P. on Lord’s days at the same place, I found much comfort, and since also by Mr. Marshall, Mr. Peters, and others: and from the consideration of the love of God in Christ, and the sufferings of Christ for us; as also of the woman that did but by faith touch the hem of Christ’s garment, was comforted and healed. And I had much comfort in private meetings.

But about five years since, seeing my other neighbors many of them flourish and prosper in the world more then I, I began to doubt that I did but play the hypocrite, and that perhaps they did pray more at home then I, though I knew some of them went less to the public Ordinances then I. I was very much troubled and thought with myself, Lord, shall I still lie at the pool, and find nobody to put me in, that I may be healed? And I was much troubled because many of my neighbors hated me, for frequenting private meetings. And I did for about a month spend much time in private prayer, and often in the night upon my bed, and went to hear only on the Lord’s days.

But then I had doubts upon me, that that was not pleasing to God, to pray unto him on a soft bed. Then the Lord put it in my heart, that he had promised, That where two or three are met together in my name, that I will be in the midst of them; This caused me to go again, as I had done before, to private meetings, and hearing of Sermons on week days. But still I found many reasonings and doubting’s upon my spirit, whether I was elected or not, and was much cast down many times about it, and had some temptations of despair, fearing that such a sinner, as I, could not be saved. Yet I had comfort in this, that though I was a sinner, yet God by his spirit had mortified me. And though I am not so good as I should be, yet through the power of grace, I am not so bad as the flesh would be; and finding much of the testimony of God’s spirit upon my heart, I had great comfort to hope, that I had marks and tokens of my believing.

And about a year and a half since, one night, having for about half a year’s time before used to go to bed before I prayed at night, and so that night also, being in bed with my husband, thinking to pray to God, I had strange temptations upon me, to put God out of my mind, and I could not speak a word, nor scarce think of God, and if I did in some intervals, I could not name God, or Christ nor speak a word to God for the present. And Satan then appeared to me in a most ugly shape, laughing and jeering at me, which did much affright me, and then I feared that I had played the hypocrite with God, and now should run mad, to make good what some had reproachfully cast upon me, that I was a hypocrite. And I was rising up out of my bed, but it pleased God that while I was rising, the Lord put it into my mind, that Christ Jesus hath not given so much for souls, as he hath done, to let the Devil have them for nothing. And in the strength of the Lord I repulsed the Devil, saying, Satan, when thou in tempting Christ showedst him the whole world, thou promisedst him that which was none of thine own; nor am I thine, and therefore avoid Satan, for thou hast nothing to do with me, and then the devil departed from my sight.

Then my heart was much filled with the thoughts of the goodness of God, and with a mixture of tears and joy, I had sweet comforts from the Lord. And though I have had many doubts upon my spirit sometimes, yet I have since found very great consolation through faith in the promises of God, as in these, and divers others.

Matth. 11:28. Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. I thank God I have found much rest and refreshment by coming to Christ, and that his grace is sufficient for me.

Matth. 5:6. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness for they shall be filled. I have often laid hold on this promise with a thirsting desire after Jesus Christ, and he hath filled me with comfort.

And the comfort wherewith Christ did comfort Peter, biding him not to fear, for he had prayed for him; hath been upon my spirit, and given me great comfort, in that I know Christ is heard in all that he prayeth to the father.

And to my great comfort I find these testimonies of my conversion to God, as satisfaction to my soul, that I am a true believer.

1. Though I do all that I can to serve God, as he hath commanded me, yet I find a great imperfection, and utter unworthiness in myself, to deserve anything of God. But my whole dependence and hope of salvation is in God’s free grace in the blood and merits of my Savior Jesus Christ.

2. I do find that the love of God in Christ constrains me to love God again, above all things in the world, and what ever I am about, my soul is delighted with God above all.

3. I find that the Lord draws my heart to hate all evil communication, and evil things, and not so much to fear the punishment of the world for anything, as to sin against God.

4. I am much delighted in the workings of God’s spirit, and it is a great joy and comfort to my soul, when my heart is enlarged towards God.

5. My heart is much affected to the Ordinances and Duties, and if Satan lay worldly thoughts to hinder me from duties, I have called upon God, and found comfort, and when I have come to duties, with cold affections, I have been much refreshed in the duties though sometimes I have felt a pain in the distemper of my body, which I have thought Satan hath done to make me weary in duties, yet I have called on the Lord, and found comfort.

6. I find great peace and much comfort in the Lord, so that I could be willing to die, and it is a great joy to me, in that I expect to die, that I may be delivered from the afflictions of the world, to enter into eternal joy with Christ forever.

E. O.

EXP. XII. Experiences of A. O. - By a quarter of a year’s despair, fearing that a Lie told knowingly had been the sin against the Holy Ghost.

I have been many years since very sensible of my natural estate, and did lie long under the sense of my sins, which were so great a burden to me, that they made me almost to despair, in so much that I could scarce either eat or drink, but had my spirits dried up with the anguish thereof, as a bottle in the smoke.

For I was brought up under the means, and from a child, to frequent the hearing of the word. And the first cause of my so great torment was, for that I once told a lie against my conscience, which so lay upon my spirit afterwards, that I could receive no comfort; I went to hear the word, and did read the Scriptures, but all did but increase my horror.

Several Ministers and godly people came to me, and used great means to comfort me, but all in vain for a time; and when I read the Scriptures, I found every threatening and judgment therein, that I fixed my thoughts upon, to speak terror to my soul; and my distraction was so great, that my friends said that I was mad, and kept the Bible from me. For so often as I did read in it, I pored most upon that dreadful place, Matth. 12:31. All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men, but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost, shall not be forgiven unto men.

I did not know what the sin against the Holy Ghost was, but I had a persuasion, I had committed that sin, and feared that my sins could not be pardoned; and that I should never go to heaven, but was cast off to be damned.

Yet this the Lord wrought for me, and in me, by his blessed spirit, to draw forth my heart, that I should still be often praying to God, in that poor doubting way my spirit could, by the Lord’s assistance vouchsafed to me, attain unto, for I yet thought it in vain, and that God would not hear me.

Yet I continued sometimes praying, and often cried to God, not only in the day time, but frequently in the night, and did rise out of my bed to pray to God to have mercy upon me. And I was sometimes a little comforted, in that I was persuaded to hope in the Lord, but yet it was dashed again through fear, that I had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost. And I thought that all victuals, and everything, was too good for me, and that I was unworthy of all enjoyments of good to me: thus I lay for some months in a sad agony wrestling with temptations, perplexed between hope and fear.

But at last in hearing Mr. W. Minister of B. and reading a book called, the New birth, I found comfort, being better satisfied what the sin against the Holy Ghost was, then before, since which I bless God, I have for some years past, found much comfort from the promises of God revealed in his holy word, some of which follow.

Matth. 5:6. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled. My chief desires are after Jesus Christ, and to follow him in the rule of the Gospel, not doubting but that I shall be blessed in that grace, which he communicates to me from his fullness.

Matth. 11:28. Come unto me all ye that labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. This promise being to souls laden with dejections, and universal, to all that come to Christ, hath much comforted my heart, in that by his spirit he hath drawn forth my soul to come to him.

And as a testimony of my love to God and evidences of my faith, I bless God I have these comfortable fruits of the spirit of grace in my soul.

1. Though I do all that I can to serve God, yet in all things I find infirmities in me, so that all my trust is only in the merits of my Savior Jesus Christ.

2. Though I cannot be so holy as I should, yet I desire, and labor to be as holy as I can.

3. When my heart is dull, cold, and out of tune to serve God, it doth much trouble me, and in going to God I find comfort.

4. When I am hindered from duties with the people of God, it is a great grief unto me. And the manifestation of the presence of God upon my heart, is the greatest joy I find, and that which most fills, and satisfies my soul.

5. I find the want of any of all God’s Ordinances to be a grief to me, and that I am at a loss therein.

6. I desire to serve God in all things, and have a real and hearty respect to all his Commandments, and to do justly to all, and do find my heart chiefly drawn forth to holiness, and in all things to keep a good conscience and live in the fear of God.

A. O.

EXP. XIII. Experiences of M. M. - By fearing Hell, and applying every cross to be a judgment of God for sin.

I have many times had a desire to hear the word of God, when I have been employed about my calling. But I then thought to myself, that I had nobody to provide for me, but if God would bestow on me so much of these outward things, as upon others in the world, then I would spend more time in hearing, prayer, and reading the word. And accordingly, as these outward things have ebbed or flowed, so hath my joy been less or more. But now God hath given me a sight of my sins, and why I had formerly no assurance; It was because I had not faith in my heart.

Before God wrought that in me, instead of making use of those comforts, which the word holds forth, I spent my time in mistrusting God’s providence, who therefore justly during that time, held the sense of his spiritual consolations from me.

Sometimes I was in despair (so low) that I could not apprehend anything to be my portion but hell.

Everything that fell not out according to my mind, I thought was a judgment from God upon me.

Yet I afterwards heard comfort by these inviting promises, Isa. 55:1. Ho! Everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money, come ye, buy, and eat, yea, come buy wine and milk without money, and without price. And Ezek. 33:11. As I live, saith the Lord God, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways, for why will ye die O house of Israel?

I had some comfort from these promises, but no assurance, my thoughts were various, and though between hope and despair, yet I resolved to go to God, knowing that he is unchangeable, and that whom he loves, he loves to the end, and that at what time soever a sinner doth repent and turn to him, he will blot out all his sins and iniquities out of his remembrance.

And it pleased God to bring this promise into my mind, and to help me by faith to lay hold on it, and apply it to myself, Ezek. 18:21,22. If the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes; and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die: All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned unto him; in his righteousness, that he hath done, he shall live.

And Christ saith, Joh. 3:16. God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. And this is life eternal, to know God, and Jesus Christ, whom he hath sent.

1. I bless God he hath made me now to believe, not only in word, but to labor to bring forth the fruits thereof in a godly life and conversation.

2. I cannot but admire the free love of God to me, that though I have given an ear formerly to the devil, and to the world, and to my own wicked heart; yet God hath been thus pleased now to call me out of darkness into his most marvelous light.

3. And God hath been pleased to give me faith to believe, that though sin hath abounded in me, yet grace shall now much more abound. This makes me to see the free love of God without any desert in the creature.

4. I have formerly gone about to limit God, and be upon terms with him, that if he would give so much of these worldly things as I thought needful, then I would spend more time in those duties which he hath commanded me. But this is contrary to the word of God, which teacheth me now First to seek the kingdom of God, and the righteousness thereof, knowing that all other things shall be added to me, that I want.

5. And now blessed be God, he hath made me to believe this, and all other promises, so that I can by faith call God my Father, who hath promised me that All things shall work together for good to me, because I love him.

6. I have found something from God, of hope of mercy, since I was a faithful hearer of the word: Though the devil did before tempt me with objections to drive me to despair for sin

7. I am now, I praise my God, comforted, in believing that God will not mention my sins against me, Christ died for sinners, and the ungodly; and I know that although I have been a great sinner, yet this hinders me not from laying hold on the promises.

8. I do believe, that the Life I now live, I live by the faith of the Son of God; I see by faith, that Christ hath satisfied God’s justice for my sins in particular, and hath bid me to reckon myself in him.

9. Now being spiritually married to Christ, all the privileges of Saints and believers belong to me. And I can say, All is mine, and I am Christ’s, and Christ is God’s; Who shall lay anything to the charge of God’s Elect? It is God that hath justified me, Who is he that shall condemn me? Being now justified by Faith in Christ, I have peace with God.

10. I know when this earthly Tabernacle is dissolved, I shall have an abiding not made with hands, but eternal in the heavens; for Christ saith, I am gone to prepare a place for you, that is, for me and all believers.

11. All the promises of God in Christ, they are spoken to believers; and by faith I believe they are made to me, and because he lives, I shall live also; Now Christ hath made me free, I am now free indeed.

12. Christ hath done all for me, only bids me to believe, which faith by his spirit he hath wrought in me.

13. I have formerly been stirred up to hear, pray, and read upon selfish consideration of fear, that otherwise I should go to Hell.

And I am ashamed to think how I have chosen rather what the devil hath said, then what God and Christ hath said.

But, blessed be the Lord, I now see it is free love that he forgiveth iniquity, transgressions, and sins, only because mercy pleaseth him; all that I can do, cannot.

14. I am guilty before God’s Justice in myself, both by original sin, which came by the fall of Adam, and much more by those many actual sins, which I have Personally committed, but I am justified by Christ.

15. I desire to show my dutiful love in obedience to my father’s commands, and my affections according to the rule of the Gospel to Christ my Husband, with whom I am spiritually married.

16. The Lord saith, Come out from amongst them all ye my people, and be ye separated, and touch no unclean thing, and I will be your God, and ye shall be my people. And if I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear my prayers.

I take God to witness, who knows the secrets of all hearts, that I desire to join in duties, not to the end that others should have a good opinion of me: I know I must leave all worldly relations, how soon I know not; but herein, I shall have peace, that I do as my father hath commanded me; and I rejoice in Christ Jesus, putting no confidence in the flesh, but only in the merits of my Savior.

M. M.

EXP. XIV. Experiences of H. W. - By much prayer night and day against a dead heart, and that God would give him grace to live in a sincere conversation.

When my God appeared, through his grace, to shine by his sacred spirit into my dark soul, my thoughts were much taken up in consideration of my sad and deplorable condition under the curse by nature, yet so, that I did withal see enough in Christ to deliver me from all, if I did attain to true belief.

But my perplexed soul drank deep of the bitter dregs of a sorrowful cup, before I could taste of the sweet cordials my blessed Savior had prepared for me; wherewith I have since been often refreshed.

My conscience told me, that (if I ever expected deliverance from sin, death, and hell, and to have favor with God) I must devote my heart to him alone.

But yet I found the love of some worldly vanities rooted so fast in my affections, that I did often put God off, and had an eye to some worldly contents, which deprived me (for that time) of enjoying peace in his presence.

I often said, Lord such a day, I will leave all, and never seek myself, but thy glory in all things; and then again, Lord, after such a merry-meeting, then I will shake hands with all temporal delights; and again, now Lord once more, I will have but one day of pleasure, and then I will part with all that offends thee, and not seek after anything out of thee more.

But for a time all this proved but unfaithfulness to my Savior, and wounds to my own spirit, the sense whereof did sadly terrify my conscience.

My soul was much cast down, and I sat up a great part of many nights, when all the family, where I then lived, was in bed, and with an heavy heart, and floods of tears gushing from my sorrowful eyes, I was exceedingly disquieted, pouring forth mine heart to my God, and begging mercy at the foot-stool of the Throne of grace.

And that which was the greatest horror upon my spirit, was, that I could not manifest my believing by a pious spiritual conversation in faithful obedience according to the sacred rule of the Gospel. When I have had resolutions for worldly pleasures to satisfy the desires of nature, it hath taken away the comfort of my heart from spiritual duties in the interim.

But I found in my soul a great conflict in wrestling’s against those sad temptations, my conscience convicting me how great an enemy I was to my soul therein: and testifying that it would be infinitely better to leave all the vain things of the world, then to live without the love of my Savior.

But when my God was pleased to bring my heart to a frame to resolve seriously never to delay with God a moment more, my heart was so fixed on my Savior, that I saw a sufficiency in him under any dispensation: I tasted a greater sweetness in the graces of his Spirit, then in any temporal pleasure. And I found much of the love, grace, spirit, and power of my dear Savior appearing to refresh my troubled soul.

And I have found much comfort from divers promises of the Lord, and particularly,

Isa. 49:8,9. I will preserve thee, and give thee for a Covenant of the people to establish the earth, and to cause to inherit the desolate heritages. That thou mayest say to the Prisoners, go forth; to them that are in darkness, show yourselves. Though I was before a Prisoner to worldly vanities, and shut up in darkness, yet Christ being sent to declare the Covenant to such, I found good warrant to apply it to myself.

Ezek. 34:22. Therefore will I save my flock, and they shall be no more a prey. This salvation, I applied as promised to me, considering that though I was a sinful man, yet it was my comfort that the Lord was my God; ver. 31 And ye my flock, the flock of my pasture, are men, and I am your God.

Matth. 5:6. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled. God having given me a heart to hunger and thirst after my Savior and my God above all things, I believe this promise was made to me, with many more, which gave much sweet comfort and consolation to my soul.

And being justified by Faith, I have peace with God, through our Lord Jesus Christ, the testimony of which faith is sealed to my soul by his blessed spirit in these Demonstrations.

1. I find many evident testimonies of the love of God to me, which hath drawn forth my soul to a high esteem of him, and to love him above all things.

2. I see nothing but sin in myself, and my trust is in my Savior’s merits for justification.

3. I feel glorious refreshments from the heavenly gales of God’s blessed Spirit, breathing his graces in my soul, which is the highest bliss I can desire on this side Heaven.

4. I find much comfort from the Word and Ordinances.

5. My chief desire in all things is to glorify God.

6. I find a very great affection in my heart to the people of God, or any that I judge so to be.

7. I desire to be at peace with, and do all the good I can to all, especially those of the household of Faith.

8. I can heartily beg of the Lord to give me deliverance from, and strength against every sin; though never so pleasing to my nature, or which I am most prone to.

9. I find no such full joy in anything, as I do in communion with my God.

10. I see a purity and glory in the ways of God, and Gospel-duties above all things.

11. I desire no longer to live then to glorify God.

12. All the days of my appointed time, I wait till my change shall come.

H. W.

EXP. XV. Experiences of D. R. - In fear of reprobation, seeing an emptiness in herself, and casting herself upon God, as his workmanship, to do what seemed good to him.

It hath pleased the Lord ever since I knew a difference between good and evil, to give me a heart to seek after those things which savored most of God. And it was my delight always to frequent the society of those whom I thought were truly Godly: And upon this account, I thought myself to be something, when being seriously weighed, I became nothing; for I knew God but as a natural man doth, even by way of discourse; I being, as I conceive since, much in the posture of the proud Pharisee, I could say, I thank God, I was not such a person, as was given to lewdness or ill vices, as others were: And being thus in my natural condition, I thought I had need of nothing, when I was as the Church of the Laodiceans, wretched, miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked, and that which was worst, I knew not that I was thus in ignorance, walking in darkness till the Lord brought me forth into the light; First, by convincing me of sin. Secondly, Convincing me of righteousness. The first was (according to my remembrance) about seven or eight years since.

I being in discourse with a friend, concerning something which did much displease me, wherein my answering was very cross, and my words very full of anger; I began to espy myself full of malice and envy, the which did much reflect upon my own heart, that caused a wonderful grief unto me; and having never taken notice of any such thing before, it was so much the more strange to me; but calling myself to a strict examination, what Foundation I had laid, when the Building began to prove so rotten, it pleased the Lord, that thereby I grew more and more sensible of my own miserable condition, as being in the state of nature, a child of wrath, finding myself a lump of sin and uncleanness, and at a far distance from the ways of God, and to have probability of nothing so much as damnation, and ready to be cast into hell for my sins, and finding myself out of Christ, and not any comfort that I should ever gain an interest in him; for I saw that without Faith, it was impossible to please him; and that without faith I could not think of any way to find it, being lost in false ways of my own invention.

And considering also, that Paul counsels the Corinthians to examine their selves whether they were in the Faith, and (saith he) Know ye not your own selves, whether Jesus Christ is in you, except you be Reprobates; and following this course, I could not otherwise judge, but that I was a Reprobate, and this condition was very burthensome unto my spirit, and neither in hearing or reading, could I for the time find any ease of this my trouble; but still I did apprehend the Lord as an angry Judge, requiring satisfaction of me for my sins.

Thus I languished, not knowing which way to steer my thoughts; but oftentimes crying out to the throne of grace, what shall I do to be saved? Sometimes I should persuade myself it was altogether impossible for me to think of being saved, or ever to gain so much faith, as to believe that Christ died for my sins, for this I thought would be a very great presumption for me to attempt any such thing, having often had thoughts of destroying myself.

It is my desire that I may never forget the providence of God in keeping me from all dangers in this my extreme doubtful condition; wherein I made not any one acquainted with my trouble but the Lord, whose work it was to deliver me.

In this my spiritual bondage, when I have heard godly men encouraging poor souls to believe in Christ, I have thought that others might, but I durst not presume, because I was no better qualified; for if I could find myself more holy, or more godly, or fuller of goodness, then there would be some hope that I might believe, and hope for the favor of God, and that Christ died for me.

But afterwards, God put into my heart to consider, that seeing that By the deeds of the Law, no flesh can be justified; (for I thought before, I must have done something that should have proved meritorious) and beginning to be acquainted with an emptiness in myself, and an inability of my own to do any good, and finding that it must be given me from the Lord, Christ being all in all, to the Saints.

Upon this consideration, I did cast myself upon God, saying, Lord, I am thy workmanship, do with me what seemeth good unto thee: If thou dost damn me, I have deserved the severest of thy judgments; thou art just, although I am forever justly miserable. And one day reading of Mr. Perkins his book, treating of the smallest degree of saving-faith, the which did express, that a desire to believe was faith itself; I was something comforted to hear of this, knowing that none could more desire it then I did, and upon this (a while) I rested satisfied: but not long after I found it a reed, whereon I had leaned, and grew again very restless, and was beat off from this stay by having the opportunity of another Book, which made me to understand that the poor man knew full well that a desire to be rich, and to be rich indeed, were two several things: And so a desire to believe, and faith itself, was not the same. For as all that desire to be rich, are not rich; so all that desire to believe, do not believe.

Being thus drove from my other principle, I began to see a more emptiness in the creature, and a greater fullness in the Creator. And this last book was by the blessing of God, through his grace, in some force to inform my judgment in many things, which were very comfortable to me.

As First, That the love of God, was the cause Christ was given for sinners, and that he became a full satisfaction to God for sins; and if we staid from Christ till we were full of good works, it might be a symptom we should never believe: For it shown first, that we must be engrafted into Christ by faith, before we could bring forth good fruits, for Without me ye can do nothing, saith Christ, And whatsoever is not of Faith, is sin. These and many such like expressions in the Scripture, which God put into my mind, were very comfortable in the refreshing of my dull and weary spirit many times; but yet fears in intervals possessed me, in not finding Christ to be made mine by faith. For I could not say (in particular) that God was my God, nor see that there was a reconcilement made between God and my soul. Sometimes I would persuade my heart to venture to believe in Christ for the pardon of my sins: But presently objections would thwart my resolutions by concluding that I was too great a sinner: And it was not absolutely said, that Christ died for me.

In this condition I was for four years or thereabouts, before I did thoroughly apprehend the love of God in Christ Jesus unto me: Yet the Lord was pleased at last, to work effectually upon me, by many sweet promises out of his word, which did wonderfully rejoice my soul.

Joh. 3:15,16. Whosoever believeth in the Son shall not perish, but have everlasting life: this very word whosoever, did work so kindly, and with such a sweet efficacy upon my heart, that I was constrained to submit, having not any objection against it, for it comprehended all sorts of sinners, although never so great, yet whosoever believeth in this Son of God shall enjoy such a sweet promise, no less then eternal life. In the 15th ver., God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

And in Acts 10:43. That whosoever believeth in him, shall receive remission of sins.

Then in Gal. 2:20. I live by the faith of the Son of God who loved me, and gave himself for me; and Christ Jesus died for sinners, of whom I am chief: Seeing this application of Christ, that Paul made in particular to himself, who was a very great sinner, it did much embolden me in the like.

Rom. 5:8,9. God commendeth his love towards us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for the ungodly; and I was ungodly; therefore I believed Christ died for me; and when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for sinners; I am a sinner, and therefore Christ died for me, and he was reconciled unto us, while we were enemies; For the Lord to be thus reconciled to ungodly, to sinners, to enemies, this was more love indeed then ever I expected: Especially, that the Lord would have been half so gracious to me: This turned all my former sorrows into joy; crying out, what shall I render unto the Lord for all his benefits that he hath bestowed on me: For what was I, or any of my father’s house, that the Lord should be so merciful unto me?

And I have these testimonies of my real conversion to God.

1. The testimony of his spirit adopting me to be his child, Gal. 3:4,5. God sent forth his Son to redeem those that are under the law, that they may receive the adoption of sons. And because you are sons, God hath sent forth the spirit of his son into your hearts, crying Abba father; Wherefore thou art no more a servant but a son: I was once under the law dead, I am now by Christ redeemed.

And I bless God for this precious privilege, that I can call God my father.

2. Christ hath fulfilled the law, therefore I shall not be condemned by the Law, but justified by Jesus Christ, without the deeds of the Law; there was a time when I was dead in sin, and in ungodliness, being alienated from the Common-wealth of Israel, and a stranger to the Covenant of grace, having no hope, and without God in the world: But being made alive by Jesus Christ, I see my sins done away; and do believe that Christ hath borne on his own body all my sins, he being bruised for our transgressions, Isa. 53. And the Lord laid on him the iniquity of us all, by whose stripes we are healed: So that I do believe that by one offering he hath perfected forever all those that are sanctified, Heb. 10. And that Christ Jesus is become a full and perfect satisfaction for my sins, and that the Lord is well pleased with; and contented in this satisfaction, Matth. 3. This is my well-beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.

3. I am, in and through God’s free grace, what I am; not for anything in me, or that I could do; but as in Tit. 4:5. We ourselves were sometimes foolish, disobedient, serving divers lusts; but when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared towards man, net by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us: that being justified freely by his grace, we should be made heirs, according to the hope of eternal life: And in another place, 1 Tim. 1:9. Who hath saved us, and called us, with an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to his own purpose and grace in Christ Jesus, before the world began; therefore I believe, that God the Father loveth me in Jesus Christ.

1 Joh. 4:29. We love him, because he loved us first, Joh. 14:14. Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, that you should bring forth much fruit.

Isa. 43:25. I, even I am he that blotteth out all thy transgressions for my own sake, and will not remember thy iniquities, and he will have mercy, even because he will have mercy: the blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth us from all sin: I plainly see it is the Lord’s doings, and it is marvelous in my eyes. As in Eph. 2. You who were dead in trespasses and sins, hath he quickened together with him, by Grace ye are saved, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God. I find, that as Christ Jesus was a free gift to me, and for me; so was this saving grace of Faith a free gift also from the Lord to my soul, Rom. 3:24. Being justified freely by his Grace, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins; that he might be just, and the justifier of him that believeth in Jesus; so that all boasting of the creature is excluded by the law of faith. As by the disobedience of one, many were made sinners; so by the obedience of one, shall many be made righteous.

4. I believe, that as there was no sin found in Christ, and yet a sinner by imputation; so I being a sinner indeed, shall be made righteous by God’s imputation; for it pleased God to make him become sin for us who knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.

5. I have the seal of the spirit, as Paul saith, The spirit of God beareth witness with our spirits, that we are the children of God, and if children, then Heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ in this our freedom.

6. I do believe that God the Father loved me, and elected me for the Son to redeem; and that Jesus Christ loves me, as given of the Father for him to redeem, and manifests it to me: and the Holy Ghost loves me, as elected of the Father, and redeemed by the Son, and doth evidence it in me, which is the earnest of my inheritance; and there is an expression in Joh. 3, last. He that believeth in the Son hath everlasting life.

7. I do believe that I have everlasting life already in possession.

First, by the promise, Fear not little flock, for it is your Fathers good pleasure to give you a Kingdom.

Secondly, In the first fruits, for what is heaven hereafter, but a more full enjoyment of what is begun here? What we receive now, is but a taste of what we shall receive; As 1 Joh. 4:2. Beloved, now are we the sons of God and it doth not yet appear what we shall be, but we know when he shall appear, we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is.

Thirdly, I do enjoy it by my head Christ, who hath taken full possession of it already for me: therefore seeing I am not my own, I am bought with a price, therefore I desire to glorify God with my soul and body, which are the Lord’s, saying with Mary in Luk. 1. My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit doth rejoice in God my Savior, who hath regarded the low estate of his handmaid.

8. Though formerly my foundation was built upon the sands, and therefore easily overthrown: Yet now I trust in the Lord I am established by Faith, built upon that Rock, which is the love of God, my Savior Christ being the chief corner stone, Isa. 28:16. Behold I lay in Zion a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, he that believeth shall not make hast.

9. I wait upon the Will of my heavenly Father in all his dispensations, for a more full enjoyment of Jesus Christ in my soul, the which I do hunger and thirst after, and I have the promise of my God that I shall be filled, and having tasted, I have found the Lord is gracious, and more to be desired then thousands of worlds.

10. I believe not upon others words, but as in Joh. 4:42, as some said to the woman of Samaria, Now we believe, not because of thy saying, for we have heard him ourselves, and know this is indeed the Christ the Savior of the World.

11. As David saith, I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord, and I believe, therefore have I spoken, for I was greatly afflicted; As the Apostle saith, ye are complete in Christ, therefore I reckon myself in him.

12. The Lord having made it out unto me that I am a believer, I am confident that Christ Jesus did pray to his Father for me, in the 17th of John saying, I pray not for these only, but for them that shall believe through their word, that they may be one, even as we are one, therefore thou art my God, and I will praise thee, for thou hast heard me, and art become my salvation.

Thus in some measure I have weakly hinted out a reason of the hope that is in me, trusting in my God, that as he hath taken away the guilt of sin out of my conscience, so in his due time he will take away all sin from my conversation, and as he hath given me a pardon for sin, so he will over-power all my corruptions, that I may live more to the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made me accepted in the Beloved, and that I shall become (over sin, Satan, self, and all things opposite to grace) more than a Conqueror through him that hath loved me, and washed me from my sins in his blood; for to him are all things possible, and he is the wise Master-Builder, who will not only begin, but will go on to accomplish his own work.

The Lord having expelled that cloud of darkness, which was veiled upon my heart, and brought me into his marvelous light, I had very strong desires in my own spirit to be joined to a gathered people that was truly godly, having some encouragement by reasons out of the word of God, as in Mar. 8:38. Whosoever shall be ashamed of me and of my words, in this adulterous generation, of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father: And on the contrary, in Matth. 10:32. Whosoever will confess me before men, him will I confess before my Father which is in heaven: The which did encourage me much in it. And seeing in the second of the Corinthians the sixth, Paul pressing them forward in the ways of godliness, biddeth them to separate themselves and come out from amongst the men of the world, and touch not their abominations: and he backs it with a sweet promise from the Lord; And I will be your Father, and you shall be my Sons and Daughters, for what fellowship have Believers with unbelievers, and what communion hath Light with darkness.

D. R.

EXP. XVI. Experiences of A. O. - In two year’s temptations to despair, by seeking God by prayer, and waiting upon his ordinances.

I have undergone sad troubles of spirit for my sins; which I have had a great sight and sense of, and shed many tears for, and desire to be truly sorry for them, and hate them, and to have no more communion with them.

About five years since, and for some two years space I lay under very great temptations, and was ready to despair, and for several nights could not take any rest in my bed; but was very weak with weeping, and much grieved for my evil thoughts, yet the Lord drew forth my heart to call upon him, and hope in him for mercy. But I had many sore conflicts, insomuch that I could not lie in the chamber alone; I made what use I could of opportunities to desire comfort from such godly Christians as I could meet withal to counsel me in the ways of God, and I labored to hearken to them, but found my heart very dull and heavy for that time, until about three years since, I began to find comfort from some Sermons that I heard, and books that I read, and some thoughts that the Lord settled upon my heart by his spirit, hoping that there was mercy for me. And I did believe that I had all the prayers of all the Saints in the world put up to the Throne of grace for me, and that my Savior had satisfied for my sins, and through him God was reconciled to me, and in particular I found comfort from these and some other promises.

Joh. 6:35. Jesus said unto them, I am the bread of life, he that cometh to me, shall never hunger, and he that believeth on me, shall never thirst.

Ver. 37. All that the Father giveth me, shall come to me, and him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out.

Joh. 14:1. Let not your hearts be troubled, ye believe in God, believe also in me.

Jer. 31:23 But this shall be the Covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days saith the Lord, I will put my Law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts, and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.

And I do find in my heart a testimony of my believing; and that I do love God; wrought in me by his blessed Spirit, by these particulars.

1. I do so love God, not through slavish fear, but for his name and glory, that I can leave all for him, and nothing is so dear and precious to me, as the love of God; and nothing so great a joy to me, as that Christ who died for me, hath not left me.

2. I find such comfort from the Lord, that he by his Spirit revives my drooping heart, and fills my empty soul, and when I am in my poor spirit even fainting away, I find comfort from his glorious power and presence.

3. When I cannot come to Ordinances it is a grief to me, and when I am in duty, it is a grief to me, that I am so dull and find no more enlargement; yet my affections are groaning after the Lord Jesus Christ in the duties, and I have a great longing to receive more of Christ. And I find more comfort when my heart is enlarged in duty then in any other thing in the world, and I know that all my comfort is from Jesus Christ.

4. What I desire to enjoy, I seek to enjoy it in God through peace of conscience, that it may be to the comfort of my faith, for God is pure, and it is a great grief to me that I can serve my God no better.

5. I do not fear death, for my faith is so settled in God, that I long to be with my Savior, when he shall be pleased to call me to him; Christ hath died for me, to take away the fear of the second death.

A. O.

EXP. XVII. Experiences of M. W. - When Satan tempted her, that she had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost, she protested before the Lord, though she should see nothing but Hell before her, yet she would trust in God.

I have from my child-hood desired to serve the Lord, and to make his commandments my rule to walk by; and I thought once that I could have said with the young man in the Gospel, All these have I kept from my youth.

But it pleased the Lord above three years since, to visit me with a grievous sickness, even unto death; and then my heart told me that I was a great sinner, and my conscience accused me, that I had loved the world more than I had loved Jesus Christ.

Then I was afflicted in my spirit with fear, because I could not believe that Jesus Christ had died for me. I besought the Lord by earnest prayer, that he would be pleased to spare me, for I found myself to be very unfit for death. I made promises to the Lord, that if he did please to spare me, I would lead a new life, and did resolve to walk more close to my God.

The Lord was pleased (in mercy) to hear my prayer, and grant this request, to spare me a while longer to serve him in the land of the living.

But notwithstanding my promises, and that great deliverance the Lord hath wrought for me in keeping me back from Hell, and the grave, I had soon forgotten all.

I began to love the world again, and lived as vainly as before. But the Lord smote my conscience, and sorely troubled my spirit for this backsliding, putting me in mind of the promises I had made to him in my sickness.

With great bitterness of heart and grief of soul, I mourned for my failing, and did again resolve, for the time to come to keep more close to God’s Ordinances, and set a close watch over my heart.

But the more I looked into my heart, the more vile I saw myself to be, and was greatly troubled that I had so often played the hypocrite with my God. I again then besought the Lord, by prayer, that he would be pleased, for Jesus Christ his sake to forgive all my sins, and backslidings, which I then was grieved for with loathing, more than ever before.

My conscience was so wounded, and my soul cast down in so great a conflict, that my spirits were almost dried up, and my heart began to grow weary and faint with crying and groaning after my Savior. Yet the Lord was pleased to humble me still more and more, and to try me further, as gold is tried in the fire.

And my afflictions were doubled upon me by Satan’s malice, who tempted me with evil thoughts, which was grievous to my soul. When I had prayed (with a troubled spirit as well as I could) the devil put thoughts into my mind, quite contrary to the frame of a praying spirit.

When I had read the word of God, he tempted me with doubts and questions touching some things therein, whether it was truth or not.

And Satan followed his temptation so close upon me, that as soon as the Lord had enabled me to repulse one temptation, the Devil assaulted me with another, so that I had scarce time to fetch my breath, one temptation followed so close upon another.

Then being troubled much in my spirit in this condition, I was tempted to a discontent, that the Lord had not taken away these temptations from me, and in anger fell into some great passions, even near unto desperation.

And I was sorely buffeted by the Devil, in this my lowest extremity, who assaulted me with fresh temptations of blasphemous thoughts touching God;

So that when in the bitterness of my soul I was groping after Jesus Christ, and had named God, he would put into my mind the objects of brute creatures; even whilst I was pouring out my soul to the creator, and was pleading a promise, he brought a curse to my thoughts.

Then was I repulsed in all duties by Satan, terrifying my soul to persuade me, that it was in vain for me to seek for salvation, because I had committed the sin against the holy ghost (which God by his word hath declared shall never be forgiven neither in this world, nor in the world to come,) because I was discontented that the Lord after all my addresses to him had not delivered me from all my troubles. But the Lord gave me strength to resist Satan, and say in the bitterness of my soul, to my God, far be it from me, O Lord, to be offended with thee.

And the Lord wrought this resolution in my soul, that I did protest before the Lord, that although I should see nothing but hell before me, yet I would trust in him, and stay myself upon my God, until the Lord be pleased to send me deliverance. I made my case known to a dear friend, who put me in some comfort; he told me, that the sin against the holy Ghost, was to sin willfully, by perpetual despite against God.

I found a clear testimony in my conscience, that I was so far from despiting the spirit of grace, that I had not sinned willingly against God, for I found it to be an affliction to me to be tempted with evil thoughts touching the Lord, though I consented not to them, and I found my soul grieved that I could not be freed from them. And then with abundance of tears, by often prayers and supplications to the Throne of grace, I poured forth my sinful soul at the footstool of God’s mercy, exalting free grace, and pleading the unspeakable riches of the mercies of my God, that would appear in the conversion of such a sinner as I had been.

Me thought it seemed to exalt God’s mercy, and to be one of the greatest manifestations of free grace in the world, to the great glory of the Lord, and unspeakable comfort to my poor soul, if he would be pleased to bring me to himself.

Now when (by the divine power of God) my heart was thus resolved to trust in God, and to wait upon him, then the Lord was pleased to show me (to my comfort) the example of Jesus Christ, who had no sin in himself, yet he was tempted of the devil.

And likewise of Paul, how Satan sent a messenger to buffet him, who then prayed unto God, and the Lord said, my grace is sufficient for thee, my power is made known in thy weakness.

Then I began to be comforted, and to think if Christ himself was tempted, if the children of God who have been eminent examples had lain under temptations, and the Lord according to his promises had strengthened and delivered them, there was hope for me.

And the Lord wrought faith in my heart to believe, that he would strengthen me, and keep me that I should not perish forever. And I have since found great consolation in many promises, which the Lord hath revealed in his Word, which I have pleaded before the Lord, some of which follow.

Isa. 50:10. Who is among you, that feareth the Lord, and obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness and hath no light, let him trust in the name of the Lord, and stay upon his God.

I applied this promise thus, I had walked in darkness and saw no light; but God had wrought in my heart to fear him, and a willingness to obey my Savior, and a resolution to trust in the name of the Lord therefore I knew it was not in vain to stay upon my God.

Matth. 12:20. (It is said by Christ) A bruised reed shall he not break and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory. The Lord having broken and bruised me in the sense of sin, and drawn forth my heart to rely upon him, I believed that he would in the end give me victory through Christ.

Isa. 40:29. He giveth power to the faint, and to them that have no might he increaseth strength. This Promise I laid hold on, because Christ saith, Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest, Matth. 11:28.

When I had refreshed my spirit by applying these and some other promises to my own soul, by faith in the Lord Jesus, I found an effect of my faith by that love to God, which by his holy spirit he had wrought in my soul, which appeareth by these particulars.

1. I am grieved that I have been so unbelieving towards God, and so impatient in my afflictions.

2. I am troubled to think that whilst I live here in this mortal flesh, I cannot be quite freed from sin, but must live to offend so good a God, who hath wrought so great a deliverance for me.

3. I bless the Lord, I can (through divine goodness, from the testimony of the blessed spirit) say (with comfort) the Lord is my God, whereby I can cry Abba Father.

4. I can (I hope) willingly deny myself in all things, and should the Lord call me to it) take up the cross of my Savior Jesus to follow him, and bless God in all dispensations whatsoever.

5. I find a total desire, and free willingness in my heart to surrender myself and conversation to be led by God’s blessed spirit, in all holiness and piety, with perseverance, that I may live all my days to the glory of my God.

6. My affections are more firmly and really knit to God then to anything, so that I can part with anything for God; and I value my interest in God above all things, and I find more joy in God then in all things.

7. I am not now afraid to die, should God call me, that I may go to be with my Savior forever.

8. I desire to be in love and charity with all men, but in an especial manner I do love the godly, because in appearance they are the children of God, and desire to feed upon Christ by faith in his Ordinances, with the Saints.

M. W.

EXP. XVIII. Experiences of H. C. - By being persuaded she was a Hypocrite.

At the beginning of these late troubles I, as well as others, was much frighted; and when it was said that such a day the City should be destroyed, I was amazed, I had been a hearer (a great while) of very eminent Ministers in the City of London, yet profited very little by what I heard. For if they preached the mercies of God, I feared they did not belong to me, because I could not find those qualifications in me which I thought I ought to have, if I expected to receive mercy.

I could rejoice in hearing of the promises, but could not lay hold on them as belonging to me; but still I went to hear though with much trouble of mind:

That day wherein it was said, the City should be destroyed, I began to call myself to account what should become of my soul, if it should be so: I was almost amazed, but did much desire of God that he would give me faith, and with the Publican I said, Lord I believe, help my unbelief; I then resolved with myself, well, I will cast my soul into the arms of God, if I perish, I perish. And through belief in him, I was quieted in my spirit at that time: but my sense of peace was soon veiled.

And I was afterwards sore afflicted with the sight of my sin, and I was fully persuaded that I was a hypocrite, and that all that I did was but for fear of hell; then durst not I be anywhere alone, for fear of the sight of the devil, and if I had been at prayer by myself, I durst not open my eyes.

Thus was I perplexed with fear: I did persuade myself I should perish; my condition was very bitter to me, I did much labor for a resting place for my soul. And being one day at a Funeral where one was to be buried, the Minister that preached the Funeral Sermon, shown the sufficiency of God, and the insufficiency of man and that all good came from God. He said, that it was as possible for that dead man to put life into himself, as for any man to gain the least drop of grace of himself, for faith is the gift of God.

Then I began to consider with myself, and to take notice of the promises of God; and I would write them to keep them about me: I then being a hearer at M. St. the Minister was much upon the affairs of the times, and I was much troubled about what I heard, for I found not my soul satisfied with that matter. When I came home, I told my Husband that my soul was not able to live with that food; Then it pleased the Lord to direct me to hear Mr. S. at A. and he was setting forth the free grace of God to poor sinners.

And then I began to reason with myself, that in putting all mercy from me, sure I did dishonor God, for he inviteth all to believe his promises. And I read that he said, As I live I desire not the death of a sinner. And Christ saith, he came to save sinners, and that the whole need not a Physician, but those that are sick: And God hath promised, Not to break the bruised reed, nor quench the smoking flax; and Christ died for the ungodly, and God is no respecter of persons.

And Christ promiseth, That whosoever comes unto him, he will in no wise cast off. When I had considered these and other promises; And that place where it is said, That without faith it is impossible to please God, then I was earnest with God that he would give me faith and sincerity of heart. And that place did much refresh me, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee. Yet again after all this, the sense of my own unworthiness did much trouble me, and I was greatly grieved that I was so cumbered in the world, and I began to doubt, saying, sure I have not chosen the better part.

For sometimes I should much rejoice, and praise God being much satisfied from these places of Scripture, which say, He hath laid our iniquities on him, and he hath laid help on him that is mighty. And in another place, Ye are saved by grace, not of yourselves, it is the gift of God: And, We have an Advocate with the Father, even Jesus Christ the righteous. And he was made sin for us that knew no sin, that we might be made the righteousness of God in him. And behold the Lamb of God that taketh away the sins of the world.

But after again in a short time I should lose all my sense of comfort, and then had I sad thoughts, musing what God would do with me. In the depth of these conflicts, at last that place refreshed me, where God saith, I the Lord change not, therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed.

Though before I was not satisfied that my faith was true, but doubted that surely I had but presumed upon false grounds, I was much perplexed in my mind. Yet now it pleased God in the midst of my distress, that he brought to my mind these words, the spirit saith come, and the bride saith come, and everyone that will come, come, drink of the water of life freely.

I said of myself I cannot come: But I prayed, Lord draw me and I shall run after thee. And this word was cast into my soul by the Lord, My grace is sufficient for thee, only do thou believe.

And God hath wrought faith in me, and by the testimony of his spirit hath sealed his love in Christ to me, working in my heart so to love him, that I have cast myself wholly upon him.

H. C.

EXP. XIX. Experiences of M. K. - By a dream of weapons to revenge by murder, and several other things that followed.

When I take a view of my life upon the stage of this world, I may very well compare it to a comical Tragedy, or a tragical Comedy, or a labyrinth from one sin to another, from one affliction to another. I was indeed the daughter of very godly and honest parents, who diligently brought up their children in the fear of God. My mother who in her days was notified for a godly virtuous and religious Gentlewoman, she, I say, from amongst twelve children, chose me to set her love and affection upon, she told me, it was because she saw something a more tractableness and diligence to please her then in the rest, which when I perceived, as then not being seven year old, I laid myself forth the more to give her content, who took great delight to instruct me, to hear me read, and ask her questions. She allotted me a portion of Scripture every day, as likewise a part of Erasmus Rotterdamus upon the four Evangelists, wherein we both took great delight. About that time I had serious thoughts concerning God the Father, Son and holy Ghost, who putting this part of Scripture into my mind, He that is ashamed of me before men, of him will I be ashamed before my Father which is in heaven; and who so denieth me before men, him will I deny before the Angels which is in heaven; I then began to examine myself on this manner, what wouldest thou do, if thou wert tempted, amongst diversities of opinions, to be ashamed of this profession wherein thy parents nurture thee? What wouldest thou do, if thou shouldest be tempted to deny Christ, and be called to suffer for his sake, as some of thy kindred were in Queen Mary’s time? Wouldest thou not deny thy Master? Wouldest thou not run away from thy colors? I resolved, that I would not; and if the Lord would be pleased to try me, he should see how valiantly I would fight under his banner, and what a faithful soldier I would be; to this I did implore his help continually; whatsoever I was about, still my heart was praying, and I desired that God would be pleased to awake me in the night, that I might rise out of my bed to prayer, which (many times) I did; After this manner I spent my days until I was twelve years old, at which time it pleased God to take my mother from me, which was some sorrow to me, but being suddenly made my father’s house-keeper, so as it were a mother to ten children, a mistress over six servants, none to do anything without my command or consent, being as it were my father’s right hand, from whom I had this authority; it did not only stop my sorrow, but caused an exceeding joyful pride, or proud joy to cease upon my heart, seeing myself as it were advanced, being respected amongst the chiefest of the Parish, who were my mother’s companions, I representing her person when I was amongst them; then began the cares of the world, and the deceivableness of vanities to cease upon my heart, and made me forget my former order, promises, and intentions; and thus I spent almost seven years, cumbered about many things, but quite neglecting that one thing which is needful. About this time, it pleased God to take my father from me, upon a sudden. I asked my heart, What was the cause of my father’s death? It made answer thus, Because thou hast sinned against God, thou hast not only omitted much good, but thou hast committed much evil, thou hast spent thy time idly and loosely, and for thy sake, all thy brothers and sisters are now made fatherless and motherless. This consideration made such a deep impression upon my spirit, that I refused all comfort for the space of half a year, crying out continually, My sins, my sins, woe is me my sins! Being demanded by diverse godly friends, and reverend Divines, what those sins were that so much troubled me? I told them, sins of omission, sins of omission, they would persuade me that I was young, and that I had not years enough over my head to be guilty of so many sins by omission that needed so much sorrow, I told them I was old enough to offend God, and to provoke him to anger; indeed, I could not give so ready account of my sins, of evil committed, as of good omitted, though they never took notice of my sins, yet my heart was witness against me: Thus I wearied all my friends with my excessive sorrow, who knew not what to do for me more than they had done. With one consent they sent me up to London, persuading me that the word of God was more plentifully preached there, which made me willing to come. But missing of my brother to whom I was sent, to be provided for, and resolving to wait upon some Gentlewoman until I could with conveniency return down again, God by his providence brought me to the wife of Doctor Page, Minister of Deptford, from whom I received great comfort, but in a very short time God took him from us all, whose death was greatly lamented. I found such favor and love from all that knew me, and most especially from Mistress Page, who for the space of three years and a half, would not suffer me to be away from her one day.

At the end of which time I was married to her eldest son, then living; but the truth is, we had not been long married, and my husband received his portion, but we took a house in Westminster, intending to take some honest course for a livelihood, but there, God knows, we fell acquainted with some company which did not only cause much time to be spent in idleness, but also almost all our means. One man especially who gave his mind to drinking, and other vices more than any good, he, I say, was never well contented without my husband’s company. Seeing imminent danger to hang over our heads by reason of this course of life, I greatly desired my husband to refrain that man’s company, or at least not to suffer him to come so often home to our house, this I begged upon my knees with tears, but could not prevail, then did the devil set his foot into my heart, and persuade me that by the committing of one sin, I should prevent many, and so stirred me up to murder him, to which suggestion I cowardly yielded, and sought all opportunities to perform this wicked act. Here I run away from my colors; here I denied my Master Christ. In the highest of this hatred (in my sleep) I thought I was in a very large chamber, sitting behind a table covered with a green Carpet, upon which lay all manner of Instruments which proclaim death; suddenly the man came into the chamber, whom so soon as I espied to be alone, catching up a weapon in my hand, I resolved there to commit the horrid act of murder upon his body, but God who watcheth over his, whether they sleep or wake, and worketh by means, and without means, which way he pleaseth, at that time put an end to all my revengeful thoughts, and caused me to hear a voice in my ear, saying, Vengeance is mine; to which voice I answered aloud, And thou wilt repay, O Lord, Then waking, hearing myself speak, I was in very good charity with him, and left my wrong to God, but reflecting upon mine own heart, there I found not only these, but a whole nest of most Diabolical and wicked intentions, which my God was pleased by his preventing graces to smother in their birth, for I no sooner had concluded, that I would fulfill mine own hearts lusts, although I suffered all the punishments due for such and such like sins: wherein I ran away from my Captain, but for all this he had a favor towards me, and sent an Herald after me to bring me back again: But then began a fresh battle, for my God coming as it were, to see what use I had made of the talent that he had given me, he found it, not only wrapped up in a napkin, but exceedingly abused; and searching my heart, what found he there, but a sink of sin, a Cage of unclean Birds, a Den of Thieves, a place for Dragons, for the Screech-owl, and for the Satire, these had taken full possession, there was no room for my God, they kept him out, and what did they there, but made it like a troubled sea; First, telling me my sins were greater then could be forgiven. Dost thou not know (said they) that thy thought-sins are sufficient to damn thee, although thou hadst never committed any actually? Doth not the Scripture say plainly, If a man lust after a woman, he hath committed adultery? Which Commandment being broken, brings death. I then took a view of all the ten Commandments written in the Moral Law, to see which of them I had broken, and which of them I had kept, I found them all broken (and at the end of everyone was written death) and not only these, but those sweet commands of my Savior Jesus Christ, wherein he bids us watch, and pray for your enemies, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, love one another, all which I had likewise broken, which made me to see nothing to remain for me but death and damnation. I argued then with myself on this wise, I have read, and I have heard, that Almighty God, which by his power made heaven and earth, and all therein, had sent his Son to die for sinners, and that there was hopes through his death that I should get pardon; But I had no sooner cast mine eye upon my God and Savior, but I was dashed from all: Mine enemy Satan thus possessing my thoughts, suggested thus unto me,

Fond fool (quoth he) why dost thou thus trouble thyself? Take thy pleasure, do what thou likest, thou shalt never be called to an account for anything; for as the wise man dieth, so dieth the fool, and both rest in the grave together, there is no God to save thee or to punish thee, all things were made by nature, and when thou diest, there is an end of all thy good and bad deeds; thou talkest of the Scripture, and of a God, and of a Jesus which thou hast heard of there; see thy simplicity now, how canst thou prove the Scriptures to be true? Alas, they were made by men’s inventions, there is no hold for thee to take there.

Thus being unquiet, I spent many days and nights in tears and sighs, and groans, sometimes thinking with myself, If I shall be saved, why am I thus? Then again, concluding that there was no heaven, no God, no Jesus, no good Angels, only an hell there was, and devils to carry me thither, who waited in every corner, and behind every door to snatch me away: And I saw there was no remedy, but the more I strove, the faster I stuck, I fainted; and laid down mine arms, and cowardly yielded to the enemy, arguing with myself, If I am a firebrand of hell, a child of perdition, a limb of Satan, and my portion is to be with the devil and his angels: why live I longer upon the earth? Why go I not to mine own place? Thus content to perish, I wandered about the space of half a year, no man nor woman was privy too, nor knew the least of all my thoughts; at the last concluding that the night ensuing would be my last night that I should stay here on earth, as one desiring to be at home, I carelessly left my family and went to bed, as it were, inviting the Devils to come and take their due; but mark, I pray you, the goodness of our God, who was with me all this while, and I was not aware of it, for even that same night, The little dog leaping upon the bed, I thought it was the Devils who was come then to fetch me away; I screamed forth aloud, but when I perceived it was the dog, and not the Devil, I began to think, That surely there was a God that had preserved me all this while.

In a most grievous agony I spent that night weeping, and although it was Winter, yet I sweat that the water ran from off every part of my body. Being in this sad condition, I thought it was not right, but surely some means might be used to get out of it. I rising the more early in the morning, went up into the highest room that was in the house, and looked forth at the window to see if I could see God, there I beheld the Trees to grow, the Birds to fly, the Heavens how they hanged, and all things that were before me, then I thought they could not make themselves, no more than I could make myself, and that we must needs have a Maker, and this Maker must be strong and powerful; Then I fell down upon my knees crying out on this manner, O God, if there be a God, show thyself to me a poor miserable wretch, that am at the point to perish; Then I thought I saw the Lord but with a frowning countenance, he looked upon me as if he had said, Thou hast displeased me, and I will not hear thee, and turning his back went from me, which sight was as a dart thrust through my soul for the space of half an hour, divers thoughts entered into my heart, but before I rose from off my knees, I resolved to become an earnest suitor to him, and not to do anything more that should displease him, hoping that he would be entreated for that which was past.

But now, I beseech you godly Christians, to take notice of the wonderful workings of our good God, whose judgments are unsearchable, and his ways past finding out, that he had knocked many times at the door of my heart, and had but small and slight entertainment; but now came violently and powerfully to take possession of his own, and set me about his work in myself; then I began to think what I should do, and whither I should go to pacify the wrath of this terrible and dreadful God, by whose providence, I was brought to the Parish Church in Westminster, where Mr. Dod, a very godly and reverend Divine, was preaching a Funeral Sermon, I went in, hoping to hear some comfort (giving attentive heed) his text was, With my dead body they shall arise; see here, my God did not only make a scourge of small cords, and whipped out the buyers and sellers, but he did over-turn, and over-turn, and over-turn, for this Minister did not only preach to the people, but shown me as it were in a looking-glass mine own condition, and told me that by the gates of hell many times God was pleased to bring his servants to heaven; being hungry and thirsty, I was glad of a little food, and presently catched hold of that word; Is it so thought I, then here is comfort for me, I will about my work, if it please God to assist me: In his Sermon he asked us divers questions, to which my heart made answer, so that I came home joyful, longing to hear more of his doctrine, which so fell out as if it had been on purpose for my sake, for the space of a month, or five weeks, I did hear two, three, four, or five Sermons from him constantly every week, wherein he bid me try and prove whether I had faith or no, whether I did hate my sins or no, and what have been the signs and fruits thereof: He likewise bid me search the Scriptures, for they are true, and compare my condition with the children of God there, but after he was sensible of my condition, which I made known to him privately, he was very laborious to bring my soul out of the jaws of death, and to raise it to Jesus Christ, for which pains, I hope my God will reward him to his everlasting comfort.

But one thing I had almost forgot, When I was in the depth of my spiritual dejection, I was utterly denied all outward comforts, my God hiding his face I was troubled, the Sun, the Moon and the Stars, seemed in their courses to fight against me, my neighbors fell out with me, and mocked me, my kindred deserted me, my Captain Christ offended, made me run the gauntlet, and every soldier had a lash at me, whatsoever happened unto me, brought sorrow to my heart.

But when I was persuaded that the Scriptures were true, I set myself to search them, to see what comfort I could find there, beginning at the Alpha of Genesis, I found in the beginning God created the Heaven, and the Earth, and all therein; well then, thought I, there is a God; but viewing a little further, I found that God offended, and man in a lost condition, but presently a remedy promised; going on, I found the Paschal Lamb, the brazen Serpent, the bunch of Grapes, the scape Goat, and divers other things to be types of that promised Seed; I likewise took a view of the afflictions of Joseph, David, and Job, that did much ease my grief. Coming to that place where my God spake by his Prophet, Come, let us reason together, though your sins were as scarlet, I will make them as white as snow; though they were like crimson, they shall be like wool; and though you had lain among the pots, yet shall you be like Doves wings, covered over with silver; then I thought will the Lord reason with sinners? Will he vouchsafe a Parley? O that I were able to answer him one of a thousand! O that these promises belonged unto me! O that this God were reconciled unto me! How happy should I be? How happy is that man whose transgressions are forgiven, and whose sins are covered? O, how blessed is that man unto whom the Lord imputeth no sin! I found the same Prophet prophesy of my Savior’s birth, in his ninth Chapter, and in his fifty third he lively sets forth his Passion, and in the fifty-five, the Lord inviting me with a Proclamation; Ho, everyone that thirsteth, come; then I answered, Lord, I would fain come, but how shall I come? I have nothing to bring to pacify thine anger, O that I could see thee smile upon me, as once I saw thee frown, how happy should I be: then I called to mind that I had heard, and read, that Jesus Christ shed his blood for sinners, and that whosoever believed in him should be saved; I was something encouraged to petition in his Name on this manner.

Heal me O Lord, and I shall be healed; turn me, and I shall be turned; convert me, and I shall be converted. O save me, my God, and I shall be saved; take away this stony heart of mine, and give me an heart of flesh; renew a right Spirit within me, restore me to those joys that I was wont to find in thee, for thy loving kindness is better than thousands of rivers of oil; O cast me not away with whom thou hast had so much patience withal; O cast me not away whom thou hast bought with so dear a price, O forsake me not in this my great necessity, O look upon that ever streaming fountain of thy Sons blood, which is poured forth for all them that believe; Lord I believe help thou my unbelief; O pardon, pardon I beseech thee, forgive me all my sins, my Sermon-sins, my Sabbath-sins, my every days sins, my other people’s sins, my sins of omission, my sins of Commission, my sins of ignorance, my sins of knowledge, my sins of presumption, my sins of willfulness; O Lord; forgive me my known and secret sins, O pardon the sins that I have committed this day, O speak the word only and thy servant shall be healed, Amen.

Thus when the Lord had opened my mouth to speak unto him, I gathered a great deal of strength, and had much hope that he would be entreated; but not setting so great an esteem on my Savior Jesus Christ as I ought, I thought I must bring something with me to pacify my God, I thought I must make myself all fair, and beautiful before my God would love me, but how to do this I knew not; for the space of eleven years I sought all opportunities to please him, yet when I examined my ways, works, and actions, I found they were so far from pleasing him, that they were rather motives to stir him up to anger, if he should be severe to mark what I did amiss; many times I thought upon the sad condition that I had been in, and how the Lord had restored me, then my heart was elevated, and over-joyed; I found a great deal of love in myself towards God, but was not sure of God’s love to me, which I esteemed above all the world; the honor of God was so dear unto me, that I could sometimes say unto him, Lord, if there be no way to bring honor to thy Name but by my confusion, then let me be confounded; but sure Lord, thou mayest gain more glory in saving me, then in damning me, the dead cannot so bring honor to thy Name, for who shall give thee thanks in the pit? The living, the living they shall praise thee, as I hope to do hereafter, Many times I prayed, and had my Petitions granted presently, and at other times I prayed, and was denied what I begged, but had what I desired in a better way; in all Dispensations I found my God with me, either with his preventing, assisting, or supporting Graces; I received innumerable favors from him, yet could I not be persuaded that they came from his love, but that rather they were to augment my score; I was still laboring and enquiring how I might come to be assured of God’s Love, which he was pleased at length to show me in some measure, on this manner; In the sixth of John I hear my Savior Jesus Christ telling me, that I cannot come to him except God our Father draw me, and if I come to him, he will in no wise cast me out, but will raise me up at the last Day; I am persuaded that it was my God alone, that did draw me to my Savior Jesus Christ, that will receive me, and will raise me up at the last Day. In the seventeenth of John, I hear him praying to his Father for me, whose request I am confident shall not be denied.

Nay further, by faith I see my Savior Jesus Christ suffering for me, nailed upon the Cross for me, wounded, buffeted, stripped, and spit upon for me; dead, buried, rose again, ascended into Heaven, and sitting on the right hand of his Father, and my God, making intercession for me; which gives me assurance of my God’s everlasting and unchangeable love, in, and through my Savior Jesus Christ towards me, and that not for anything that was in me, but for his sake, he said unto me, when I was in my blood live; and I know I do believe and am regenerated by the Holy Ghost:

1. Because I find such an alteration in myself, that whereas before I could not believe there was a God, now I am sure there is a Great and an Almighty God, and he is my loving Father.

2. Before I durst not lift up mine eyes to Heaven, now I can with boldness cry, Abba, dear Father.

3. Before I did not regard the people of God, now all my delight is with the Saints that are upon the earth.

4. I love to hear my God well-spoken of, it grieves me to hear, or see him dishonored.

5. I long to see my Savior, and to kiss those wounds from which issued streams of Blood, which pacified God’s anger towards me.

6. I rejoice when I think of death, knowing that it is swallowed up in victory.

7. I often hear this voice in mine ears, Arise ye dead, and come to Judgment; I rejoice to hear this saying, He that shall come, will come, and will not tarry.

8. I desire a sanctity of Life, and help from my Father to discharge my duty in that Calling wherein God doth place me.

9. I long to hear him speak, who saith in the Omega of the Revelation, Behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me; even so come Lord Jesus, come quickly. Amen, Amen.

M. K.

EXP. XX. Experiences of M. H. - By consideration that some slips he fell into, being a Professor, brought dishonor to God, and scandal to the Gospel.

About 34 years ago, (I being in my youthful age) it pleased God to give me an heart to take delight to hear the word preached at many places, but especially at Antholins at the morning Lectures, and this I did often for some time, until Satan did stir up many Instruments to call me Puritan, with many other reproachful terms, that did make me ashamed to go in public; but like to Nicodemus by stealth, as it were, in the dark: But when after it pleased the Lord to convince me of Satan’s wiles, that he was a deceiver from the first, and that in hearing the word preached, those that would be Soldiers in Christ’s school, must not be daunted for every foil; and If I did look for salvation by Jesus Christ, I must manfully fight under the Banner of Christ, and so to hold out to the end, if I would be saved.

From the consideration hereof, God was pleased to put courage into my heart, to hold on in the ways of God, professing the Gospel, which I did, though with abundance of weakness and difficulties; and thus I did continually go on, (though darkly) until about some ten years since, when it pleased God to break forth in his most glorious light by special providence I was brought to see an utter ruin to my soul without a Christ; and though I had heard much of Christ to the outward ear, yet had I no experimental knowledge of him, till about some ten years since the word of Christ shown me, that my condition was such as Paul speaks of to the Ephesians, that I was dead in trespasses and sins, and except I was quickened by the Spirit and by Faith, did hath my soul in the blood of Christ, I was an undone creature, notwithstanding all my long hearing the word preached.

Having then weighed many circumstances, and had conference with many of the people of God, both Preachers and others, I was very much strengthened in faith, and had an assurance of the love of God in Christ Jesus, whereby I did find much comfort to my soul; and about some five years since, hearing some able Ministers of the Gospel hold forth most precious truths, I found much comfort: And more particularly, hearing Mr. Bridges of Yarmouth opening that comfortable Scripture Psal. 42:11. Why art thou cast down O my soul, why art thou disquieted within me? Trust in God, &c: His Doctrine was, That a godly man had no just cause to be discouraged, whatsoever his condition was, either sense of sin, or the temptations of Satan, or trouble, or afflictions; but that a man had cause to be humbled for the least sin, but not to be discouraged at the greatest from trusting in God, but to rely upon the Lord by faith in Christ, whatsoever his discouragements were; which hath since caused me to walk in a thankful posture towards God for his unspeakable mercy, and It is my great grief, that I can be no more thankful, seeing I have received so much mercy from God, whom I do daily offend; which hath made me with Paul to cry out, O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from this body of death? But that the next words produce comfort, Blessed be God through Jesus Christ.

But yet after this, it pleased God to suffer me to fall into a sinful condition, by being too confident in my own strength, which fall did cost me abundance of tears, and sighs, and sobbing’s of heart, even to that heavy sorrowing, that as David said, Even to the breaking and drying of my bones: It made me walk sadly for many months together, even to despair of any help.

And seeing that I had brought so much dishonor to God, and scandal to the Gospel, and reproach to the Professors thereof, this did much press my soul; Considering, that such a Professor as I was before, to stand for the glory of God, in opposing all gainsayers, and then for me to fall; Oh! This did make such gashes in my soul, that the consideration thereof; caused me to walk most sadly, and sorrowfully, and with so much shame, that I could not endure to go in the streets, But that urgent necessity forced me to go out for comfort.

Then it pleased God by special providence to cast me under D. Homes his Ministry, and he treated on that subject concerning backsliding, out of Jer. 14:7. O Lord, though our iniquities testify against us, yet do thou it for thy Name-sake, for our backslidings are many. &c. Which Sermon was (by the workings of the spirit of God) effectual unto me, for I was almost under despair before now; yet the Lord was pleased to give me much comfort under this Doctrine, that Saints may be guilty of many backslidings, yet they should not despair, for that was a greater sin.

Then the Doctor made this Use, that If Saints might break their peace, Wicked and unregenerate men might break their necks.

A second Use was, that A Saint should beware of backsliding, and make all speed to go to Jesus Christ for more strength to keep and uphold him for the future.

This did give me in some comfort, and caused me to set upon the work of seeking to Jesus Christ more earnestly, because Christ told Paul, that His grace was sufficient for him; I had rested by all that little Mustard-seed-faith I had before, but now it did begin to spring and blossom, to the praise and glory of Jesus Christ, that he should (as it were) snatch my soul, as a Brand out of those burnings of Hell, and establish my poor soul by his free grace, to see all my iniquities laid to the charge of Christ, as Isa. 53:6. All we like sheep have gone astray, we have turned everyone to his own way, and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquities of us all. Which Scripture being opened by a worthy member of that Church, Mr. Feak, it did much strengthen my faith.

In the Application, when I came to consider, First, That it was iniquity that the Lord Jehovah had laid on Christ. Secondly, That it was my iniquity that was thus laid on Christ. Thirdly, That it was the Lord himself that did lay it on him. And Fourthly, That the Lord had done it already, it was not now to do.

All these points did so much comfort me, that seeing they were so backed by Scripture, and such a caution given by the Apostle Paul Heb. 3:12, saying, Take heed lest there be found in you an heart of unbelief, &c. Which is a great sin and plague to any poor soul, this wrought much with me; but then the applying of several other Scriptures, to the everlasting praise of Jehovah, and to Jesus Christ my Savior: This Scripture was produced in Psal. 68:16, compared with the Apostles word, speaking of Christ, Thou hast ascended up on high, and led captivity captive, and received gifts for men, even for rebellious ones; that the (Lord God) may dwell amongst them. And that of Ezek. 16:7-10. A precious Scripture for troubled souls, to be meditated on for comfort: That A man being in his filth and guilt, and all over with blood, nay when no eye would pity him, that then was a time of love to their souls; Oh mercy and free grace indeed!

Then again, considering The new Covenant, to open blind eyes, and to bring Prisoners out of Prison, to the glorious light and liberty of the sons of God, and with his Proclamation, Isa. 55. Ho everyone that thirsteth come: And in that of Joh. 6:37 Him that cometh to Christ, he hath promised in no wise to cast out. Though thy sins be as Crimson and Scarlet, yea of such a deep die, as that with Paul I may say, to be chief of sinners; yet it pleased God to give me in a refreshment still from the same Scripture, where it is said, This is a faithful saying, that Christ came to save such sinners as I was.

Then some two years after I did begin to hearken out, how I might be joined with the people of God in Church-fellowship, I had many invitations from loving friends to see the way, and walking under the Ordinances of Christ for the space of five or six years before, at several meetings, and in several places with people fearing God, (but yet much differing in judgment) yet holding the fundamental Truths of Jesus Christ. All this was in London; But about some two years since, or thereabouts, Providence was pleased to cast my lot at Westminster, where once I heard Mr. Henry Walker; and having observed many honest people, both at the hearing of the word public and private; at last, after I had sought to the Lord both public and private, by earnest supplication and prayer, that God would be pleased to direct me in so great and weighty a work of being a Church-member; and that the Lord would so direct me by his blessed Spirit, that my only aims might be for his glory, the good of others, and with comfort to my own soul: It pleased the Lord to direct my heart (notwithstanding all opposition of Satan, and the persuasion of some others) to resolve to break through all opposition and difficulties to be joined with this company of honest hearts joined in fellowship together to worship the Lord God of our Fathers, and to walk in his ways, according to the strictest rule of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, held forth in his word.

M.H.

EXP. XXI. Experiences of L. P. - By thoughts touching a child in her womb, when Satan tempted her to destroy herself.

About some twenty years since (I being then with child) was much troubled at some thoughts, which God put into my mind, touching my conversation; which lay so sore and heavy upon me, that I could not tell what to do; Because I saw, though I endeavored, as much as I could, to do my duty to my God, yet I was not able to live as I should; and then I began to know what the worm of conscience meant, which before I was ignorant of; I then feeling, what until then I was ignorant of: and the blackness of my spirit was such, with the burnings of my troubled and afflicted soul, that I could at that time (for the present) take no comfort in anything; and had I not been with child, and affected with natural inclination to the Babe in my womb, I had been in danger (had not God by some other means prevented me) to have destroyed myself, for I had some temptations that way; but my God strengthened me: yet before I was brought to bed, I found peace and comfort; and through grace had such settlement in my spirit, that I could with joy night and day call upon my God believingly.

But before I attained to this, I had many sore conflicts; until after some considerations that the Lord had put into my mind; as first, touching the child that I went with, because God hath said, The just and innocent slay thou not; and thus considering the innocence of the child, which the Lord put into my mind, it (through God’s mercy) became a means to stay my hand from laying violence upon myself.

But for a time I was yet afterwards much troubled in spirit, until God gave me peace in my soul from these, and other Scripture-promises, that the Lord saith, Call upon me in the day of trouble, and I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me, Psal. 50:15. Sin shall not have dominion over you, for ye are not under the Law, but under grace, Rom. 6:14, the testimonies now of my conversion, and true believing, in which I hope I have a seal of my interest in the Lord Jesus are these, and others.

1. My love to God, which is real, sincere, and hearty, desiring him above anything else whatsoever.

2. My relying upon Jesus Christ, having nothing of my own to rest upon, I fly to him, and rest on him for all, as my alone Savior and Redeemer.

3. My delight to read the holy Word of God, and to hear, or otherwise to partake thereof, in which I find much comfort.

4. The comfort which I find by enlargement of my soul, when God comes in under the means in duties, and the loathsomeness I have to be taken away from duties, or to be deprived of the ordinances.

5. The peace I find with my God in my soul, which is sweet, though not without much heaviness of spirit for my failings I do not live without waning and changes in my Spiritual life, and faith towards the Lord, for sometimes I can trust God with all, and at other times I meet with some doubting’s, yet (blessed be God) I find still more and more, my doubting’s assuaged, and my communion with Christ every day more sweet, and more full.

6. I doubt not, but the Lord Jesus Christ (my Redeemer) will so support me, through his Grace, that whatever my condition hath been, or shall be here, that I shall not fail of salvation through Christ in heaven forever.

L. P.

EXP. XXII. Experiences of F. P. - By a dream of the Death and Resurrection of Christ.

I have been troubled at the thoughts of Original sin, and at my corruptions, and wretched condition.

I have formerly had some doubting’s touching the Scriptures, whether they were truth or not; but I have been since troubled, that I made those foolish doubting’s to question God’s Word, and was so wounded in my Conscience for my sin therein, that I feared I should be damned for it, because I thought it was a sin that God would not pardon.

I have also strange thoughts about the sinful ways of ungodly people, and considering how loosely people live, I had temptations to persuade me, that surely there was some easier way to Heaven then the Scriptures had laid down, or then I had learned.

But for these evil thoughts of mine, I have been so afflicted in my spirit, that I thought surely I was a damned wretch.

I have been tempted by blasphemous thoughts against the Lord, which have so afflicted me, that sometimes I feared that the Devil would fetch me away, and carry me to Hell; and I have thought sometimes, that surely God could not in Justice pardon such sins as I have committed.

I have also been tempted to make away myself, but the Lord God put it into my mind to consider, that that would not give me ease or comfort, but be the way to enter into endless miseries.

And thus I lay afflicted with a most sad and troublesome spirit, for about the space of a whole year, yet (though with little hope of my present sense then) I had desires that God would save me, and some groanings I had after him. And in his time (which is best) I began to find some enlargement of heart from God, to a great longing for Christ, which increased so much (through the working of his glorious power) that (me thought) I could have been content, to have gone through all the miseries in the world to have enjoyed him.

And in my sleep in the night, I dreamed that I saw my Savior the Lord Jesus lying in a Grave, and after again, I saw him risen from death; when I awaked, and had taken in some thoughts into my mind about my dream, I found comfort in my soul, and begun more sweetly to hope, that Christ Jesus hath died for my sins, and is risen again for my justification; yet the Devil (who goes about like a roaring Lion, did still so tempt me, that I was again ready to despair for my former evil thoughts, and I was afraid that Satan would have me; and I doubted that God had no part in me, which caused me to weep much, and I was exceedingly troubled, and sometimes thought, that verily I heard the Devil coming in a Whirlwind for me, and (so terrified was my Conscience, that from the thoughts of the wrath that I feared, I could have wished myself a beast, a Dog, or anything; because their misery would have an end.

But after many comfortable discourses from friends, and my reading of some godly books that came to my hands, the Lord God in time delivered me from those temptations, and hath since comforted me with these promises, to the great joy of my heart, though sometimes since, I have not been without some doubting’s.

The Lord hath said, Be content with such things as ye have, for he hath said, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee, so that I may boldly say, the Lord is my helper, Heb. 13:5,6. The Lord saith, Sin shall not have dominion over you. Rom. 6:14. That hath often given me much comfort, and kept up my soul when I have been ready to despair: And Christ saith, I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another comforter, that he may abide with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, Joh. 14:16,17.

And I have this testimony of my interest in Christ, by faith wrought by his blessed Spirit in me.

1. I see such a frailty in my flesh, that except the Lord send his holy Spirit to enable me, I cannot do anything of my duty to God of myself; it is the spirit of the Lord, and not anything in me, that is the foundation of my comfort.

2. I have had many times (if my heart deceive me not) clear testimonies and evidences that I do love God more than anything else, and desire him above all.

3. I desire much to hear the Word, and am troubled that sometimes it doth not so pierce into my heart, as I desire.

4. I have sometimes such sweet comforts and enlargements in my soul, by God’s blessed Spirit, that I find much peace with God thereby; which I prize above all things in the world.

5. I desire to serve the Lord in all things, and am troubled when anything obstructs those desires.

6. I hope for salvation and true blessedness from Jesus Christ my redeemer, and from him alone.

F. P.

EXP. XXIII. Experiences of C. M. - By trouble about some miscarriages towards her children.

I have had much sorrow for my sins, because I know God hath been displeased therewith, and my trouble of spirit hath been so great for them, that it hath often fetched tears from mine eyes, and it hath been the greatest trouble to my soul, that ever I had for anything,

And some particular things, wherein I was seduced, touching my children, that hath brought some trouble upon them, by my parting with them, hath much afflicted me, fearing that God would damn me for it, and this with my other offenses against the Lord, hath often much grieved me.

But my hope is in my blessed Savior, and that for his sake God will forgive me, for he hath promised, Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts, and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and to our God for he will abundantly pardon, Isa. 55:7. Christ shed his blood for sinners, and he saith, his grace is sufficient for us; The Lord hath promised to save all sinners that repent and turn to him by faith, Ezek. 18:30. I am a great sinner, and God hath given me sorrow and repentance for my sins, therefore I believe God will save me, and my iniquity shall not be my ruin.

And as an evidence that I have faith, and thereby an interest in Christ, and that he hath given me Experiences of his love to me, I have these testimonies.

1. I love the Lord better than anything in the whole world, without his love, whatsoever it is.

2. I bless God, he hath through his grace, so settled my heart in him, that I do trust in God for my salvation, and for all; and could be willing to part with all for Jesus Christ.

3. I find my heart (drawn forth by God) to be much affected with the hearing of the word, and partaking of the Ordinances, which do more comfort me, then all my enjoyments which I have all the week besides.

4. Blessed be the Lord, I find my heart in that quiet frame, and peace towards man, that I have no desire of evil against anyone.

5. I hope that I am not deceived in this; that the Lord is at peace, through Christ, with me, and hears my prayers, and will save me through the Lord Jesus forever.

C. M.

EXP. XXIV. Experiences of T. H. - From consideration that every one of his sins offended the Lord, and deserved his eternal curse.

My sins have much grieved me, and I have wept and been much troubled for them, so that sometimes I have thought it would burst my heart, in that I offended the Lord; and this hath often afflicted my soul, so that many times despairing thoughts have made me fear, I have been in danger to be damned for my sins: And I have been thrown down low, considering that every sin deserveth death, and the eternal curse of God.

But I have since (through God’s goodness and mercy) had an eye to the Lord’s gracious promises revealed in his holy word to comfort poor sinners; as That salvation is to be found by those that by faith lay hold upon Jesus Christ; for by grace are ye saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, as Paul saith, Eph. 2:8. I have gone to Christ, and pleaded this promise with comfort. And God hath promised, that if sinners repent and turn to him, he will have mercy on them, in which, together with other promises, I have found much comfort.

And I do believe that the Lord in mercy will save me by the blood of Christ: And as a testimony from God thereof,

1. I find in mine heart, that I love God far better than anything else, and account the world, and the things thereof, as nothing in respect of him, who is the Creator and governor of the world, and giver of all good things.

2. I can with all my heart (I hope) be content with any portion in this world, so I have God to be at peace with me, and can say with Job, or at least desire it, if afflictions and losses should be fall me, to say as he said, The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh blessed be the name of the Lord.

3. I find my heart (I bless God) much enlarged towards hearing the word, and to prayer and godly conference, and daily find more and more comfort in duties.

4. I desire to discharge my duty with a good conscience towards all men, in all things, and submit to God’s will in crosses, desiring to enjoy peace in my conscience, where I bless God I do find much peace with God, that if I should presently die, I make no doubt, but through God’s mercies in Jesus Christ to go to heaven.

T. H.

EXP. XXV. Experiences of E. B. - By laying to heart that she had not served God as she ought to do.

I have had trouble for sin; and for that I have found in my heart and conversation that I have not served God; as I ought to do, it hath been a great grief to me; and looking upon myself, as I am in myself, and my own strength, I can see nothing that is good, but that I am a sinner, and I look upon myself as the worst of sinners, that can hope for salvation, and I see myself an undone wretch without Jesus Christ.

But (to God be all the glory) I have been often comforted from divers sweet and precious promises, as that the Lord Jesus Christ saith, He will never leave me nor forsake me; and there is my comfort, and my rock where I hope to be safe, if I gain Christ (as I trust I shall) to be my Savior forever. Also Christ saith, Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled, Matth. 5:6. I have thought of God’s love and his goodness, and have found my heart enlarged in the pleading of this promise, and the Lord hath said, He will dwell with a broken and humble heart, to revive the hearts of the humble and to revive the spirits of the contrite ones; from these and divers other promises I have found much comfort.

And touching my propriety in Jesus Christ, I have these testimonies, sealed from heaven unto my soul.

1. I really love God with all my heart, and above all things, with all my soul, and with all my spirit; I value not anything in the world in comparison of Jesus Christ, my Savior and my God.

2. My affection and delight is much in hearing of the word, and partaking of Ordinances, desiring to live more closely to the Lord Jesus Christ daily, and I find much comfort in the word, and a joyful fellowship and union with the spirit of the Lord in duties.

3. I find a cheerfulness in my spirit in the Lord in all my crosses, so that through the comforts I find in him (blessed be God) they are not crosses to me, because I find a sufficiency in the strength of the Lord to bear me up.

4. I find peace in my conscience (blessed be my Savior) and I am fully persuaded, that whenever I shall die, I shall, through Christ, go, to God Almighty, and enjoy eternal life and salvation.

E. B.

EXP. XXVI. Experiences of G. D. - From trouble of spirit, that Satan was very busy with her.

God hath given me a sense of my sin, and it hath wrought such a sorrow upon my heart, as shall, I hope, never be repented of: worldly sorrow must be sorrowed over again, but I hope Christ hath borne my sorrow for me, because it hath been for offending him. I have found much trouble of spirit, and Satan hath been very busy with me, and I have been much troubled in conscience, and the devil would have drawn me to desperation, but my God hath supported me; and through God’s enlightening me, I knew that despair brought hell and destruction, but those that trust in him do never miscarry.

And I have found comfort from these promises, and divers others; Christ saith, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. I have pleaded this promise with God; having found sin my greatest burden, and nothing hath troubled my spirit more. And I have found God’s grace and goodness given in to me in flying to this promise. Christ hath promised, That all that come to him, he will receive, and in no wise cast them out; And he chides us when we do not come to him, that we may be saved; therefore in all humble obedience I have by faith relied on the free grace and mercy of my God in Christ for salvation, and am greatly grieved that I can serve him no better.

And as a testimony of the experiences of my faith in Jesus Christ my Savior, and my love to God,

1. I desire to incline my heart more to God then to anything else.

2. The Lord and his name, is the chiefest object I have, aiming more at the glory of God, then at anything in the world.

3. I have a great desire and thirsting after the Lord and his Ordinances, and find that by faith the Lord giveth my heart great joy in receiving of the word.

4. There is no name under heaven by which I can be saved, but only by Jesus Christ, and he is my rock, and my hope.

5. I believe that the Lord is at peace with me.

6. The Lord hath inclined my heart to serve him, though I come far short of my duty, and that troubles me.

7. My hope is in God’s mercy through Jesus Christ, and in him alone; to be saved in him, and for his sake.

G. D.

EXP. XXVII. Experiences of A. B. - From consideration in temptations, and of that destruction which would befall her, if she forsake her God.

I have had many conflicts and troubles, and many checks of conscience for my sins, which hath been so bitter to me, and the burden thereof so great, that I have had many temptations to despair of God’s mercies, which did arise from the consideration of my neglect to serve the Lord as I should do; and in my prayers and best actions I have had wandering thoughts.

My sin hath sometimes been so terrible in mine eyes, that I have often thought, that had God been severe in justice towards me, I should have perished every moment, and been thrown to destruction.

And these considerations caused many fears, and doubting’s to arise in my thoughts, insomuch, that because of sins, and also of my imperfections in prayer and duties, I have feared that God would not hear me, so that sometimes I have thought it would be in vain to pray, because I thought surely, God would not hear me, and every cross that befell me (for I had many afflictions) I thought God laid them justly upon me, for not performing my duties to God in that measure which I should have done.

Yet the Lord (by his grace) put me in mind to consider of that destruction which would befall me, if I did forsake my God, and the Lord hath since given me a sight of sufficiency in Christ for me.

And I have found comfort from these and other promises, That the Lord hath said, A bruised reed shall he not break, and smoking flax shall he not quench, till he send forth judgment unto victory, Matth. 12:20. And Christ hath bidden all that are weary to come to him, and promised that in him they should find rest, Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest, Matth. 11:28. And Christ saith, Him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out, Joh. 6:37. I have found great comfort from God to my soul in these promises, and I do verily believe, that I am one of those that Christ Jesus will save, and whom he shed his blood for.

And as a further testimony of my interest in God, by the effects of my faith,

1. I do desire to spend my life to serve the Lord for the time to come.

2. I love God above all the world, with all my heart and soul, and could be content to leave all for his sake.

3. I do chiefly desire of all actions in the world to be in duties, and in communion with the Saints and people of God, and to partake of the Ordinances of God in a spiritual manner, esteeming that comfort above all worldly delights.

4. Sometimes I have doubts upon my spirit, and at other time my faith is more clear, and my soul satisfied that God is at peace with me.

5. I do believe that God doth love me in Christ, and will save me through him.

A. B.

EXP. XXVIII. Experiences of W.C. - Being satisfied with nothing in his soul but the Lord Christ.

I have been so troubled in conscience for sin, that I have sometimes been in great despair, and it hath brought me very low, finding nothing in me to satisfy me, but there is enough in Jesus Christ: But I have had many doubting’s and troubles of spirit, and that for many years, fearing that Christ would not save me, because of my own unworthiness, and disability to serve God; and sin was a very great load upon my spirit.

But I found comfort in these promises, and divers others, (viz.)

That, whereby Christ Jesus doth invite us saying, Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest, Matth. 11:28. Also Christ saith, Let not your hearts be troubled, ye believe in God, believe also in me, Joh. 14:1. And he saith afterwards, I will send you the Comforter: and I will pray the Father (saith Christ) and he shall give you another comforter, that he may abide with you forever, ver. 16. And Christ hath promised that he will save us, if we believe in him. He that believeth in the son hath everlasting life Joh. 3:36. Therefore with comfort I have trusted in Christ and applied these promises to my soul, and I have found peace in God through my Savior.

And I have found these fruits of the spirit of God working in my heart.

1. In that I love the Lord my God with a greater love then all other things.

2. I have much affection to the people of God, and love them upon that account.

3. I take great delight in the Worship and Ordinances of God, and I find much comfort from God in duties; and sweet refreshments from communion with God in duties.

4. I am troubled that I cannot walk up more close to God, but I do sincerely desire, (in all things) to keep a good conscience, both towards God and towards all men.

5. In times of my afflictions and trouble, I find much peace and content in God, and in all things I desire to submit to the Lord’s will.

6. I find much peace in my heart, in that I believe God is at peace with me, and will bring me to heaven and glory through Jesus Christ.

W. C.

EXP. XXIX. Experiences of A. C. - By seeing herself undone without Christ.

I have had a trouble for my sins, which hath been very great, in so much that I had sometimes thoughts, that God would never pardon such a sinner as I was; but that he would surely damn me; and when I looked or thought on my original sin, there I saw nothing but the wrath of God abiding upon me; and I saw myself altogether undone without Christ.

But after a great deal of trembling for sin, I did receive a great deal of comfort in these promises; As it is said, Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven, Matth. 5:3. And Christ saith, He that comes to me I will in no wise cast out, Joh. 6:37. And Christ saith Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest, Matth. 11:28. In these and such like promises I have found a great deal of comfort when I was much troubled. And God saith, Call upon me in the day of trouble, and I will hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me, Psal. 50:15. And I have found this promise made good to me many a time, for when I have been very much troubled for sin, the Lord God (blessed be his holy name) hath brought me out of it.

And I now do believe, (I praise my God) that he hath regenerated me by his holy spirit, of which I have these testimonies.

1. My love to God, for I do love him above the whole world, and I see such an excellency in my Savior, that it draws my soul out exceedingly to love him, and to have a high esteem of him.

2. I am heartily willing to part with everything that offends my blessed Savior.

3. It doth grieve me that I can serve God no better than I do; because he so loved me, that he gave his only begotten son, who died for me, So that herein is my great comfort, that Christ will not cast me out, though I am a vile sinner.

A. C.

EXP. XXX. Experiences of N. B. - A Papist, by his being persuaded to come into Protestant meetings.

We read in the eight of the Acts, that Ananias and Sapphira his wife sold a possession and laid part of the price at the Apostles feet, Rom. 5-7. But therein they dissembled with God (and Ananias forthwith died) I shall not any way retain anything that hath lain on my conscience, but empty myself of myself, least that I now speaking in the presence of God, might be inflicted with the same punishment that Ananias was.

We also read in the 19th of the Acts, 18th, 19th ver., many that believed came confessing their deeds, and those which used curious arts burnt their books, &c. mistake me not, my meaning is not, according to the Church of Rome, to think; that a bare auricular confession can be satisfactory with the good intention of the party confessed, or that a mere acknowledgement in public, in the outward Ordinance, can save the soul; but to give the Church satisfaction, I will unfold myself.

I was born a Protestant, and in the pale of the profession of England, and so continued till I was eighteen years of age, at which time, diversities in opinions being in the Land, as concerning Church-government, and the like, I knew not which party to take, but fell to the Church of Rome, in which I firmly continued for the space of four years or thereabouts; but at length, being married, by my wives persuasions, and frequenting the Protestant meetings, I was somewhat softened, and then I began to contemplate with myself in what a most sad condition I was in: at last I besought the Lord earnestly with prayers, but for a time felt no answer to my troubled spirit from him, which drove me into, almost, a despairing condition; but such was the great goodness of God, that with often seeking to the Lord, I found, as it were, a certain assurance within myself, that God would be yet merciful to me.

Then I applied myself to the book of God, as to that oracle which should resolve my doubting, drooping spirit, where I found many sweet promises.

Joh. 3:14-17. And as Moses lifted up the Serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of man be lifted up. That whosoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have eternal life. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world: but that the world through him might be saved.

Ezek. 18:21,23,32, where he saith, But if the wicked will turn from all his sins and keep my statutes, he shall live and not die, &c. In the 32nd ver., For I have no pleasure in the death of him that dieth, wherefore turn ye and live, Ezek. 36:25-28. Then will I sprinkle clean water upon you, and ye shall be clean from all your filthiness, and from your Idols, I will cleanse you, a new heart will I give you, &c. Isa. 55:1. Ho! Everyone that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money, come ye, buy, and eat; come, buy wine and milk without money, and without price: Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. But one place seemed most remarkable to me, Acts 10:43. To him gave all the Prophets witness, that through his name, all that believe in him, shall receive remission of sins.

Having believed these and many other promises, my part I thought was to be done, which was, a true contrition for sins past; and sincere determination, never to commit the like sins in time to come, and to look more narrower after my own ways: As Paul speaketh to the Corinthians, 2nd Epistle, 7:11. For behold this thing, that ye have been godly, so ye see what care it hath wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, yea, what fear, how great desire, &c.

Although I had this desire, yet I still had some doubting’s, and conflicts within me, whether God would be merciful to me, that ever had the enjoyment of the Gospel, yet to be an Apostate, and fall from the truth.

But then I straight fled to God by these promises, as to a Physician for a remedy: And such was the love of God towards me, to rouse me from this bed of sin, wherein I lay, as it were, secure, and so might there, with that multitude have perished; but the lost sheep is (blessed be God) brought back again to the sheepfold, whereof Christ Jesus is the Shepherd; and now I will with David say, What shall I do, I am in a straight, (what requital to make to God) I will, with David, take up the cup of salvation, and call on the name of my God, &c.

My conscience is now satisfied by the effects that the word hath wrought in me, even

1. A newness of life, in relying on him whom my soul loveth, Jesus Christ, without whom there is no salvation; There is no other name under heaven, whereby we can be saved, but by the name of Jesus.

The Prophet saith, There is no peace to the wicked saith my God, But they are like the raging sea, casting up mire and dirt.

2. I thank God, that I have through Christ, found some peace with God, and am fully assured of his mercies unto me in the Lord Jesus, that he will save my soul, notwithstanding all my sins past; and as the faithful are one body in Christ, Rom. 12:5. I would not as Balaam, desire to die the death of the righteous, and still live impiously, but to his glory.

And I desire, that I may walk with this Church so, in his fear, that when I die I may die in his favor, and so reign with him world without end.

N. B.

EXP. XXXI. Experiences of A. H. - By terror of Conscience, and fear that the Devil would fetch her, was converted from Popery.

My condition hath been very sad; I have been drawn away to Popery, and have partaken of all their vile Idolatry and abominable superstition, for about half a year, through the persuasions of the Papists; but afterwards I had a very great terror of conscience; and one night was fearful to sleep, least the devil should fetch me away. I was much distempered in my mind, and in a sad condition; and after I had slept, I thought (upon my awaking) that I had been dead and was risen again; when I was up, I was in a great amaze, and thought that when I saw the fire, that they would burn me in it; and I feared to eat anything least they should poison me: and the Devil appeared to me, and stood before me, and did exceedingly terrify me; And he tempted me to make away myself. And I was thus exceedingly distracted for about six weeks, having in that time several temptations, by the devil to murder myself, and sometimes to drown myself; but the Lord still hedged my way with thorns, and mightily preserved me, so that I may say, it is a wonderful mercy that I was not destroyed in hell many a time.

But I afterwards found comfort in many promises: As in that the Lord Jesus said, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth, Mar. 9:23. And he saith, That the Son of man is come to save that which was lost, Matth. 18:11. And he bids us, go ye, and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice; for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance; From these, and many other promises, I praise God, I found much comfort.

And I have these evidences of my interest in God.

1. That my love is such to God that I would forsake all to follow him, and am resolved to wait upon him, and to be content with anything for him.

2. The Lord hath wrought in me a great affection to the hearing of the Word, which works much upon my heart, and is sweeter than honey or the honeycomb to me,

3. The love of God draws my heart to love him again; But I can do nothing of myself, but through him I can do all things.

4. Though I have many doubting’s, yet sometimes I have more full assurance, and believe from my Experiences of God, that surely, if God did not intend to save me, he would never have done so much for me, and even when I have doubted, God hath afterwards given it me in, to conclude, that he doth it out of love to make me to cling the more close to him.

A. H.

EXP. XXXII. Experiences of D. C. - From thoughts for offending so good a God.

I have had great conflicts of soul for my sins, and against sin, and have shed many tears by night and by day, I have been much troubled at the consideration of such things, as have been at any time a clog to me to hinder me from enjoying spiritual communion with God, which I have desired. It is the greatest grief I have ever had, that I have offended so good a God; And indeed my sins have been a very great trouble to me, and especially, in that God hath given me such a measure of knowledge, and I have not walked up to it, to live according to the light I have received.

But I have received comfort in God’s promises; Christ saith, All that the father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out, Joh. 6:37. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing, and I will receive you, and will be a father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty; the Lord will receive us if we repent and believe; and Christ calls, Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest, Matth. 11:28.

And as a testimony of my regeneration, I have these Experiences, whereof to give account of the hope that is in me.

1. That all my desires are chiefly to seek God in Christ.

2. I find much comfort in duties, and to join with the Saints in Ordinances, and to partake of the things of God.

3. I find my heart really at peace with all the world.

4. I believe that the Lord God is at peace with me, and will save me forever through Jesus Christ.

D. C.

EXP. XXXIII. Experiences of A. H. - By falling into a sin she feared.

About eight years since I was convinced of the sinfulness of sin, and of it in myself; and I was thereby much troubled in soul to see my estates therein, which did seem very black and dolorous, to the terror of my conscience, and yet I used the means, and frequently heard the word preached, but did not grow nor profit thereby; which caused me to walk very sadly for many years together, And Satan was so busy with me, that when I have gone into any room alone, he hath so tempted me, that I have had it often in my mind to make myself away; But then hath that promise, and sweet saying, come into my mind, which Paul saith to the Church of Corinth, There hath no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man, but God is faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also, make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it, 1 Cor. 10:13.

And (through mercy) I went on using the means, though very heavy and sad, so that about four years since, being much perplexed in my spirit, and my condition being wavering, and not knowing what to do; I was at that time in a great fear of falling into a sin, which I then prayed against, and sought to God with many tears to preserve and deliver me from: And one night (in my sleep) being in a great perplexity of spirit, me thought I heard, as it were, a voice that said unto me, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

And yet to my great shame, and sorrow, I fell into that sin which I so much feared, which caused me afterwards to lie under so great horror of conscience, that I could not rest night nor day, my load being greater, and more pressing on my spirit then before, so that I could have no rest for a long time after.

Yet at the last I found comfort from diverse promises, as that Christ saith, Daughter, be of good comfort, thy faith hath made the whole, Matth. 9:22. And Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the Palsy, son, be of good cheer, thy sins be forgiven thee, Matth. 9:2. And he saith, I will have mercy and not sacrifice, for I am not come to call the righteous but sinners to repentance, Matth. 9:13.

I know I am a sinner, a great sinner, that there is no salvation to be had, but in Christ alone, and though I have had many doubts, yet I have hope in God’s mercies.

And I have these Evidences of my regeneration, and testimonies that God is at peace with me through Christ Jesus.

1. In that the Lord hath hitherto supported me to bear all my so many, and so great troubles.

2. Whatever troubles I have met withal, yet now after all I find peace in God, and in him alone.

3. I find my heart really to desire to love God above all, and am jealous over myself, least my child, or any worldly thing should withdraw my love from my God, to love something else too much, and him too little.

4. I find that the Lord hath wrought in my heart a great desire of affections to duties, and am much troubled for my deadness and dullness, which I find to be a great burden to me.

5. I desire that the Lord would search, and reform, and purge, the bottom of my heart, and am glad when I find any truth of God piercing to my soul; I have found my heart too often deceitful, and do therefore desire, that every truth of God may discover it, and conform me to his will.

6. I do believe that Christ died for my sins, and do trust that he will be my Savior forever.

7. I admire free grace, that God should snatch me as a brand out of the fire of hell.

8. It is my souls desire to walk with those, who walk most close to the rule of the Gospel, least I should be drawn into errors.

A. H.

EXP. XXXIV. Experiences of F. D. - By longing for Jesus Christ.

I have been often smitten with sorrow for my sins, and am troubled that I cannot serve God as I should, I have no hope of salvation, but only in Jesus Christ, whom I long for, knowing that I cannot be saved without him.

And I have found comfort from the promises in God’s word; The Lord saith, If the wicked turn from his wickedness, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall live thereby, Ezek. 33:19. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon, Isa. 59:7. And Christ saith in the Gospel, Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest, Matth. 11:28.

And I have these Experiences of God’s grace and workings in me, by his holy and blessed spirit.

1. God hath given me a heart to desire God to forgive me my sins.

2. I desire God above all things, and to enjoy God whatever becomes of the world.

3. I find a trouble of spirit, that I cannot serve God better than I do; And I desire the Lord so to dispose of me, that I may (in his strength and power) cast off all things that hinder my communion with him.

4. I have often called to mind a covenant made with God in my sickness (upon deliverance) to walk more near to God then before, and I do often call upon the Lord to assist me, and lead me, and guide me by his spirit.

5. I have often had much comfort in contemplation with God.

6. I do rest on God’s mercy for salvation by Christ.

F. D.

EXP. XXXV. Experiences of H. W. - By his trouble for deadness of heart.

Having formerly given my Experience to that Church, from which I am by consent transmitted to you; I shall only add this; that I am a sinner, I have been much troubled in spirit for my sins, and I have much wrestled against sin; I have had many slips, and failings; yea, and sometimes in some measure backslidings; I have been often troubled at the deadness of my heart, and my too much neglect of that obedience I owe to God; and my not walking so close to the rule of the Gospel, as I have often promised.

My sins have at sometimes caused tears, and at other times sorrow for want of tears.

I am very sensible that I have been the greater sinner, because I have mis-improved so many precious mercies, as I have done; And this hath been very tiresome to my troubled spirit, that I, whom divine providence hath done so much for, discovered so much too, and hath so much enlightened, should be so unfruitful.

But the comfortable promises of God in his holy Word, have been cordials to my drooping soul, for the Lord saith, A new heart also will I give you; and a new spirit will I put within you; and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh; and I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments and do them, Ezek. 36:26,27, also God saith, I will cleanse them from all their iniquity whereby they have sinned against me; and I will pardon all their iniquities, whereby they have sinned against me, and whereby they have transgressed against me. And it shall be to me a name of joy, a praise, and an honor before all the nations of the earth, which shall hear all the good that I do to them, Jer. 33:8,9. And, The Lord hath spoken it, and it shall be said in that day, to, this is our God, we have waited for him, and he will save us; this is the Lord and we have waited for him, we will be glad, and rejoice in his salvation. Isa. 25:8,9. And the Lord Jesus Christ crieth saying, Behold I stand at the door and knock, if any man open to me, I will come in to him, and sup with him, and he with me, Rev. 3:20.

And as the fruits of my faith, I bless God (though I have many failings, yet)

1. My desire is, that so far as is possible, I may not sin.

2. God hath the chief seat in my heart.

3. My affections are great to duties, and chiefly to be spiritual in duties, whereby the life of my faith appeareth the more clear.

5. It is as meat and drink to my soul to do the will of my father which is in heaven.

5. All my hope of salvation is in free grace by faith, in God alone through Jesus Christ.

6. I delight to do all the good l can to the people of God, and in things that tend to the glory of God.

7. My greatest trouble is for sin, and my greatest comfort is in my interest in God.

H. W.

EXP. XXXVI. Experiences of M. W. - By earnest prayer in trouble of spirit.

I have been much humbled for sin, ready to despair, and therein I had many temptations, and great troubles of spirit for those temptations, and many doubting’s, wrestling’s, and conflicts; l put up many prayers, and shed many tears, before I could find comfort; But through God’s mercy, I found a settled peace from his blessed spirit in his time, which is always best.

These promises did give me much comfort, That, the Lord said to Paul, My grace is sufficient for thee, The Lord saith, He will not break the bruised reed, nor quench the smoking flax: Also, that he that endureth to the end shall receive a crown of life; and Christ saith, Matth. 5. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted. Though I did then mourn, yet the Lord gave me faith to believe that I should be comforted; and I was comforted, I bless God, in so much that the Lord hath discovered himself so fully to me, that I have much peace in my soul; that I have said in mine heart, with good Simeon, Lord now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, for mine eyes have seen thy salvation.

And as a further manifestation of the workings of God by his grace in me, I bless God I can truly say,

1. I do love God above all things.

2. I desire to deny myself in all things below and without Christ.

3. I desire to be wholly taken up with the love of Christ, and enjoy as full a communion with him as possibly I may.

4. My love to God’s people is in an especial manner.

5. I desire to do my duty both to God, and to all with a good conscience, that my heart may never reproach me as long as I live.

6. I have great affections to holy duties, and (I bless God) find much comfort in them.

7. My hope is in Jesus Christ, and in him alone for salvation.

M.W.

EXP. XXXVII. Experiences of J. H. - By being thrown down so low, that he thought it almost impossible for God to save him.

I am very unworthy that Almighty God should deal so bountifully and graciously with me as he hath done: my sense of sin hath brought me so low, that I have thought it almost impossible for God to save me, which wrought a great trouble and fear upon my spirit, and brought me to a very low, and begging condition; and I besought the Lord for grace, and for his holy spirit, to enable me to keep his commandments, I had an aching heart for my sins, which drew some tears from mine eyes, and the trouble hereof lay very heavy upon me, and raised great doubting’s in me for about a quarter of a year; and I find some part of that trouble yet remaining upon me.

But I have had comfort from several promises out of God’s Word; as that, where Christ saith, He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out; And he also saith, verily, verily, I say unto you, he that heareth my word, and believeth on him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall not come into condemnation, but is passed from death unto life, Joh. 5:24. And it is said in the Revelations, The spirit and the Bride say, come, and let him that heareth say come, and let him that is a thirst come; and whosoever will, let him take the water of life freely, Rev. 22:17. From these and many other promises, I have found much comfort.

And I have these evidences of my interest in Christ, as fruits of that faith which I have received touching my interest in these promises, and in Christ my Savior, in whom all the promises are yea, and amen.

1. God is in my love higher than all, not only because he saveth, but because he is gracious, and undefiled, and his ways and word is holy.

2. I have also this testimony, that I do love God, because I love the brethren, the children of God.

3. I look upon all comforts as flowing from Christ, and desire to partake of them as mercies from him.

4. I account holy duties so good to me, that my heart desires to hear all good doctrine; and I find my heart many times much ravished, when I hear of good things touching God, that I sometimes weep for joy.

5. The hope of my salvation is in Christ.

6. I do believe and hope that God through Christ is reconciled to me, and at peace with me, through his free grace and mercy in Christ Jesus my Savior.

J. H.

EXP. XXXVIII. Experiences of H. N. - From his hearing of Paul’s words, that all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.

I Was for a time in a very sad and wilderness condition upon hearing of that place of Scripture, 2 Thess. 2:12. That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness, This so wrought upon me, that I was much, and sore troubled in my spirit.

Yet at last the Lord made me to leave my old companions, and gaming on the Lord’s Day, and other follies, and God drew forth my heart to long after Christ.

And I found comfort from the promises of the Gospel; It is said, God filleth the hungry with good things; and nothing in mine eyes was comparatively to God and his grace, and I had comfort in that sweet text, where it is said in Isaiah, O thou hope of Israel, and the Savior thereof in the time of trouble. And that, where it is said, God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life, Joh. 3:16.

Then God gave me a heart to join to the society of godly people, and I found much comfort and a great deal of experience, passing many troubles in the Bishops Court in Wells, but the Lord appeared to my great comfort.

And as a further testimony of my hope in God.

1. God inclines my heart so to love him, and my Savior Jesus Christ, that I desire rather to die, then to live to dishonor God.

2. I have great affections to the people of God, and to do good for them.

3. I find my heart so affected to depend only upon God, that I know whom I have trusted.

4. I have sometimes much comfort in ordinances in public and in private, many ravishments with God, and have received many returns of prayer.

5. I have sweet hopes of salvation in Christ, and in him alone, and all is nothing to me below Jesus Christ.

H. N.

EXP. XXXIX. Experiences of W. F. - From consideration of his sinful condition he wrestled with God by prayer, and would not let him go until he found comfort.

I know we are always in the presence of God, he knoweth the secrets of all hearts, for all things are naked and open to his all-seeing eye, and therefore shall beg a belief, that what I here give in, is from the sincerity of my heart.

And first, I bless God, he hath given me a heart to forsake all my former evil ways, and to take up a full resolution to become a new creature; and to join myself in communion to a select number of the Church militant, the children and family of God: I confess (if I look upon myself, and upon my former life and conversation) it hath been as if there were no God in heaven, only in a state of nature, having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof in my life and conversation: But it pleased God of his free grace and rich love in the Lord Jesus to give me a heart to consider of my condition, and to beget in me a love to the ways of holiness; and to that end, with earnest and hearty prayer, and with many tears. I besought the Lord, and would not let him go, till I found comfort from him upon my spirit; I saw I could do nothing as of myself, and therefore I made it my study to get an interest in Christ, to be engrafted into him, For without him I could do nothing. I found many gracious promises, in the word of God, that He would not the death of a sinner, that he was stow to wrath, and abundant in mercy and truth, he is gracious and ready to forgive, that Christ died for sinners, even when we were dead in sins and trespasses then Christ died for us, by grace we are saved, this infinite love melted me into tears, that I rested not, striving with God, until he was pleased to assure my heart that all my sins were pardoned in the blood of the Lord Jesus.

And this I found, 1. By the spirit of God rejoicing and refreshing my soul, witnessing unto my spirit that I was the child of God, and this assures me of my adoption, and emboldens me to call God [father.]

2. Let the world value me at as low a rate as they please, if they say, my wisdom is folly; I can say Christ is my wisdom: I have food to feed on which they know not of, when they shall want their husks to feed on, I shall find bread enough in my father’s house, and love enough in my father’s heart to satisfy my eternal soul.

3. I bless the Lord, I value my union with Christ above ten thousand worlds, and know there is no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus: I know God hath freely given me Christ, and with him all things; the world is an addition and over-plus.

4. I rejoice in my interest in the living God. Our God is a holy God, and therefore Christ by his love constrains the death of sin, and my heart is lifted up to live in the spirit.

5. It is the rejoicing of my heart, that I can behold myself an heir of glory, and co-heir with Christ, and therefore am persuaded neither persecution, shame, reproach, or scorn of the world, or anything whatsoever, shall be able to separate me from the love of God: and (if my heart deceive me not) I could suffer the loss of all, yea, even of life for Christ and his Gospel.

6. I am persuaded tis not duties, Church-fellowship, Ordinances, or anything that we conceive or propose to ourselves, which can of themselves give a soul rest, without living upon God in the spirit.

7. Behold (saith the Apostle) what manner of love the father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God; the consideration of this infinite and unspeakable love hath wrought in me a holy jealousy over all my ways, that therefore I have humbly besought the Lord to keep my heart upright, that I might not at any time wittingly or willingly offend so gracious a God, that I might not dare to return him evil, for all the good he hath done for my poor soul, that no wicked thoughts or corrupt communication should proceed out of my heart or mouth, whereby I should grieve that good spirit of God.

8. And as for things temporal, I confess, I have formerly been very subject to distrust God’s providence to me, notwithstanding all my life long have I had many signal testimonies of his love and care over me. But now the Lord hath been pleased to give me a heart to rest upon him, and he hath comforted me with this and many other sayings out of his holy word, viz. The Lord is a sun and a shield, the Lord will give grace and glory, and no good thing will he with-hold from them that live uprightly, godliness hath the promise of this life, and of that which is to come, I know (saith David) that it shall go well with them that love the Lord, It is grace in God that dispenses all conditions unto me.

9. I have a fountain can never be drawn dry; that God in all his dispensations to me is my father, and I stand as a son in his presence, begotten by his own love in Christ.

10. And for all this exceeding kindness, I desire to declare my thankfulness, by a humble, just, and holy conversation, and by a sweet contentedness of spirit; he will assuredly lead me by the hand in this my pilgrimage, and journey through the wilderness of this perishing world; and having Christ I have all, I shall at last appear with him in glory. This life is but a moment, and yet upon this moment depends all eternity of good or evil, the dark clouds we are under will be blown over, and Christ the Sun of righteousness will break forth in his splendor and glory, and we with him to all eternity.

11. And now my hearty prayer to God is, that in life and death, I may wholly seek to advance the glory of God, that I may walk closely with him, and have holy communion with him all my days, that my life may be a pattern of holiness unto others, that those that are without may be won by our godly conversation; The hope of the righteous is gladness.

12. I could wish with Paul (if God saw it good) To be dissolved, and to be with Christ, which is much better for me then all I can enjoy here.

W. F.

EXP. XL. Experiences of T. G. - By solemn engagement to God, as he loved God, his word, or his own soul, to leave his sins.

It hath pleased the Lord God of his own free mercies and love in Christ Jesus to protect and keep me ever since I was borne, from many thousand dangers, and yet I, like an unruly colt have kicked at his fatherly protection, and run into many gross and vile sins.

The first gross one was, many kinds of unlawful gaming, which held me as a bondslave some thirty years or thereabouts, to the great endangering both of my body and soul; but yet it pleased the Lord to look graciously upon me, and to give me afterwards a hatred against this vice, and withal, he put into my mind a resolution, which I confirmed with a vow as followeth:

That as I loved God, his word or my own soul, I would never play at any game for money so long as I lived.

The Lord was pleased to accept of my good will, and blessed me and mine in my lawful calling many years, until at the last, that old Serpent the devil, envying my happy proceedings in this reformation.

He drew me into a liking of Tobacco, and with it into many other sins, which had almost brought me to as bad an end as the first.

But the Lord out of the lowest extremities gives in remedies to his children, and he gave me a hatred against this vice also, and a resolution, Never to take any Tobacco more; and I give God thanks for it, I have kept this vow ever since, which was,

That as I loved Christ Jesus my Savior, I would never take more Tobacco.

Blessed be the God of my father’s forever more, Amen.

But yet about two or three years afterwards (again) that old enemy of mankind, Satan, that roaring lion seeking whom he may devour, came again with turnings to destroy me, persuading me, that to drink with my neighbors, was acceptable to God, (which may be used with restraint of excess, but) I gave will the full reins, which brought me back again from my former courses, and withal annexing wrath and anger with my house and family, persuading me, that I must rule in my house, which had almost brought me besides myself, had not God helped, who never fails those whom he loves, and that put their trust in him: for presently upon this extremity, he sent this remedy.

First, a sight of my sins: secondly, a grief and sorrow for them: Thirdly, a resolution to leave them: And fourthly, The Lord set me, and carried me through a way to leave them, which was thus.

I began to call to mind what was the greatest thing I loved in this world, and in the world to come, besides those that I named before, which I set opposite to these two monsters: then I vowed before the Lord, desiring his assistance, That as I loved the holy Ghost the comforter, or ever looked to have comfort from the blessed communion of the body and blood of Christ Jesus to cleanse my sins, so if I did remember or was in perfect sense, I would never drink above two reasonable glasses, or cups of Wine, or four cups of Beer in any one place, or at any one time, without any Equivocation, And that when I came at any time into the doors of my house, if there were any controversy between my Mother and my Wife, or between the Servants and them, That then I would with gentle persuasions do my best endeavor to end the controversy; And this with God’s help I would perform.

And I prayed, O Lord my God, bless my hand and my heart to perform thy will, that when any temptation to gaming or drunkenness, or lust shall assault me, either by thought or any other means, that then presently I may fly unto thee in the name of Christ Jesus my Savior.

And I do still fly unto God, confessing and sorrowing for my sins, desiring the Lord to help and assist me to perform and keep all these, and in all things serve God as long as I live.

I cannot be humbled for my sins so as I desire, yet I have had much trouble for sin, and have shed tears many a time, and I have been much troubled that my heart cannot be broken enough; Yet I have had many crosses, and I know it is the hand of God, and I desire to lie low before him.

When God first discovered my sins to me, I was much terrified and feared, as if every bush was a thief.

But I have found much comfort in that glorious promise, which God made when Adam had sinned, that The seed of the woman should break the Serpents head, Gen. 3. And also that sweet promise declared by the Lord Jesus, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest, Matth. 11:28. And Peter declareth saying, Repent and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord. I have pleaded these and several other promises with God, and have by faith trusted in God, who bids us to cast our care on him, and he will care for us, 1 Pet. 5:7. And I do believe in God, and cast myself upon him, knowing all the promises to be yea, and Amen in Christ.

And I have these effects of God’s gracious spirit, working regeneration in my soul.

1. In that the Lord (blessed be his holy name) hath so settled my heart on himself, that I could leave all friends, relations, and all things for God.

2. I find in my heart a real affection and love strongly carried on to all the children of God, and I love to do good to the people of God.

3. I take much delight to hear the word of God preached, and to partake of duties with the people of God, and communion with God in private duties.

4. I am troubled when my heart is cold in duty, but much comforted, when my heart is enlarged towards God.

5. I believe that God will save me through Christ forever.

T. G.

EXP. XLI. Experiences of E. D. - By being much troubled, that she could not serve God as she should.

I have had much sorrow, and been much troubled for my sins, and often craved pardon of the Lord: I know myself to be by nature a sinner, and so cannot be saved but by Jesus Christ, upon whom alone I depend for all the good I hope for.

It is a great trouble to me that I cannot serve God as I should do, and I am troubled in my spirit that I cannot grieve more for sin, then I have done, and I desire a frame of spirit to serve God according to the rule of the Gospel, and that the Lord would be pleased to create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me.

But I have found comfort in the Lord through Jesus Christ, by applying of several promises to my soul, and that as the word of the Lord saith, Psal. 51:17. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God thou wilt not despise. So, Behold the days come, saith the Lord, that I will raise unto David a righteous branch, and a King shall reign and prosper, and shall execute judgment and justice in the earth: in his days Judah shall be saved, and Israel shall dwell safely, And this is his name whereby he shall be called, the Lord our righteousness, Jer. 23:5,6.

And I have these Experiences of God’s graces wrought in me by his spirit.

1. I love God better than anything whatsoever.

2. All my joy is in God, and I enjoy what I partake of in him.

3. I love to partake of the Ordinances with the Saints.

4. My heart is much drawn forth by prayer to desire the Lord to strengthen me, to profit by hearing the Word, and that the Lord would print that which I do hear in my heart.

5. In hearing the word and in prayer, I often find my heart enlarged and much comforted by God’s blessed spirit, revealing Jesus Christ in me.

6. When my heart is dead, I do much desire the Lord to send his holy spirit to quicken me, and I do often find a sweet return from God therein.

7. I believe God is at peace with me; and that all my sins are pardoned in Christ, on whom alone I depend for salvation.

8. I do highly value and esteem of the Church and people of God, knowing as David saith, A day in thy Courts (O Lord) is better than a thousand, I had rather be a door-keeper in the house of my God, then to dwell in the tents of wickedness, Psal. 84:10.

9. I have really given up myself to serve the Lord, desiring his divine grace, that I may do it in truth and sincerity, for Christ saith, except we be converted and become as little children, we cannot enter into the kingdom of heaven.

E. D.

EXP. XLII. Experiences of W. W. - From the considerations of God’s gracious dealings towards him, and many deliverances.

Having from my youth upward tasted of the gracious dealings of God towards me, in his manifold deliverances of me from many eminent dangers both of soul and body; wherein the great tempter of mankind went about by his subtleties to destroy me, not being only content, as a malicious enemy, to draw me (by sin) into his deluding paths, the end whereof is naught but bitterness, and death forever.

I say, he had no sooner performed this his work, but finding, as it were, an inclination in me, wrought upon my heart by the spirit of God, to return out of the shadow of death, and those abominable ways wherein he had led me: He then immediately, like a sharp accuser, steps in upon my poor drooping soul, laying in her sight the wrath of God in his justice for sin, and with that testimony which the spirit declares in the 18 of Ezekiel, Surely, the soul that sinneth it shall die, with many more judgments and terrors for sin, being in my spirit (for some time) very much dejected and brought low, laden with mine iniquities and over-pressed with my sins, I cried unto the Lord and he heard me in his most holy place, and was pleased in his most righteous love, to break in upon my poor soul, even in these words of comfort; Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will refresh you: and Ezek. 18:21. But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful, he shall surely live. Upon consideration of these and some other Gospel-consolations, the Lord was pleased to give unto me a hungering and a thirsting after the meat that never perisheth; having that testimony of God within me, that I could own the Lord Jesus Christ as my Savior, taking up those words of the Apostle, Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, whereof I am the greatest. And hereby find we the love of God to us, because he laid down his life for us. And my desire is, that since the Lord hath dealt so graciously with me, as not only to give me a sight of my sins, but a sense of my sins, in humility I do humbly implore his aid, in the carrying out of my spirit to love him above all; and having this, I hope for blessed opportunities in the being planted with a people, whose hearts are towards God in a righteous way: my prayers shall be, That the strong may be endued with those graces to bear with the infirmities of the weak, building each other up in the most holy Faith of the Lord Jesus, and shall conclude with that of the Prophet Daniel, O Lord do good to Zion, build up the walls of Jerusalem.

W. W.

EXP. XLIII. Experiences of A.F. - By discovery of some particular sins when God took away several near relations.

The thought of my sins hath much troubled my Conscience, especially some particular actions which God discovered to me, upon the loss of several near relations, that God took away from me by death; and I mourned above seven years under great terror of spirit for my sins, and was in danger to have despaired, had I not received comfort from God, in partaking of duties with the people of God.

And therein God comforted me with several Promises, which he delivered to me out of his holy Word, who saith; Though your sins be red like scarlet, yet shall they be as white as snow; and though they be as crimson, yet shall they be as wool, if ye be willing and obedient. And the Lord saith in another place, I will remember your sins and your iniquities no more. And again, I will love you freely for mine own names sake. And the Lord Jesus saith, that he is our Portion, our Interest, and our Advocate, if we believe.

And I hope I have an interest by faith in Christ; for,

1. I have a higher esteem of God, and the graces of his Spirit, then of all things; all the world is nothing to me in comparison of God.

2. I love God’s Ordinances, and desire nothing more than the Word, and to partake of the Spirit of Christ in the Ordinances.

3. I find much comfort from the Word, and enlargement of heart by the Spirit of Grace, refreshing my soul in duties.

4. I love the people of God.

5. I rejoice in the fellowship and society of the godly.

6. I hate the ways of evil men, and it troubles me to the soul, when I see God dishonored.

7. I trust for Salvation in Christ, and in him alone.

8. I do believe, That God is reconciled to me through Christ.

9. I am troubled when Satan puts evil thoughts before me, and in calling upon God, I find help and strength therein.

10. My chiefest comfort is in my communion with, and interest in God.

A. F.

EXP. XLIV. Experiences of G. R. - By being brought near to despair for some things that touched her conscience.

The Lord hath wrought sore upon my heart, and I have been brought nigh to despair, for some things that have sorely troubled my conscience; I have wept, and been in a great agony, and did lie so dejected about half a year.

But then, and since I have found comfort from several promises, which have eased my soul by degrees, the Lord saith, Isa. 1:18,19. Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord, though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool, if ye be willing and obedient. And the Lord saith elsewhere, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.

And as a testimony of my interest in God, through Christ, I have these effects of my conversion:

1. That the Lord hath set it upon my heart, to love God above all things.

2. I desire to serve him according to the rule of his Word.

3. I love him because he loved me, and gave his Son, who shed his blood for me; and because of his glory and holiness.

4. I desire from my heart to partake of duties with the people of God, and find great joy and comfort in my heart in duties, and therefore do desire more and more thereof.

5. I desire to be in fellowship with the Saints, not for any by-ends, but for God’s glory.

6. I believe that through Christ all my sins are done away, and God is at peace with me; and I hope, that should I presently die, I should be happy, and my soul be received into bliss with my God, in Christ Jesus my alone Savior.

G. R.

EXP. XLV. Experiences of J. G. - By being troubled at that place of Scripture, The wages of sin is death, which made him for a quarter of a year, meet with temptations by Satan to despair, but proved his conversion.

I have been troubled at the consideration of that place of Scripture, The wages of sin is death. Rom. 6, last, I then began to be very sensible of my sinful estate, and I thought that if I was not helped out of that condition, that I must be damned unto all eternity.

I also thought of that place where it is written, To be carnally minded is death, Rom. 8, and about two years since (for the space of about a quarter of a year) I was so troubled in my soul, that sometimes I could not rest upon my bed, and thought, that where I was, the Devil was with me, and when I did seek to fly to God, I found a temptation of great resistance to hinder me.

But I after (through the goodness of God) found comfort in several Promises; as first, that the Lord saith, I will take away your stony hearts, and give you an heart of flesh; and in this I had very much comfort, yet I was tempted to lie in an unbelieving condition, touching this promise, as to think that it was not the Word of God, but my own word: but the Lord then gave in to me, that which he saith in Ezek. 16. I said unto thee when thou wast in thy blood, live.

I thought I was in a banished condition, and that God had hidden his face from me, by reason of sin, but I find comfort in that promise, where God saith in Isaiah, Though a woman forget her sucking child, yet will not I forget thee.

And as a further testimony of my faith in the Promises, as the effect of my communion with God, I can say (I bless God) from my heart;

1. That the Lord is the chiefest of ten thousand, the only object of my love, because he hath so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth should not perish, but have everlasting life.

2. I love the Lord for his great wisdom, and glorious holiness.

3. I am much affected to holy duties, and communion with the people of God.

4. I find comfort in the breathings of God’s Spirit in duties.

5. I find the testimony of God’s Spirit in my heart, that he will save me through Christ.

J. G.

EXP. XLVI. Experiences of A. G. - By God’s smiting the Conscience from her sense of sin.

I have found sin a great burden to me, and the weight of it hath troubled me a great while, and I have had many trials and troubles upon me; sometimes I have wept, and at other times I have been troubled that I could not weep, and I have had a long and great sorrow for my sins, and the sense of them hath so smitten my Conscience, that sometimes I have been very fearful that I could not be saved.

But I have found much comfort and my spirit much settled from diverse promises; as that the Lord saith, Though your sins be as scarlet, I will make them as white as snow, and though they be as crimson, I will make them as wool, if ye be willing and obedient, Isa. 1. Also the Lord saith, Though a woman forget her child borne of her body, yet will not I forget you, and they that believe in Jesus Christ shall be saved, Joh. 3.

And I find this fruit of my regeneration.

1. That my love is more fixed to God then anything, and above all things.

2. I desire to partake of duties for the spiritual sweetness I find in them.

3. I love to be in the company of the people of God.

4. I find many refreshments in hearing the Word preached.

5. I have content in God, and peace with him, which is sweeter than anything in the world.

6. I desire to live above the world, and though I cannot as I should, yet I do believe that Christ is my righteousness, and hath made up what is wanting in me for me.

7. I do believe that God is reconciled to me in Christ, and for his sake will pardon all my sins, and save my soul.

A. H.

EXP. XLVII. Experiences of A. T. - By so great sorrow as made his heart ready to break, from the consideration of the hardness of his heart.

The sense of my natural condition hath been a great trouble to me, and my sins are every day more and more grievous to my soul; while sin was pleasant, I was quiet; but since it came to be a trouble to me, I cannot rest without help therein.

I am so troubled herein, that sometimes when I go to bed, it so grieveth me that I know not what to do;

I have been sometime heartily sorry, that I could not be brought to weep, insomuch that sometimes my heart hath been ready to break, from the consideration of my deadness and dullness to God, through the hardness of my heart.

But I have been comforted out of God’s Word, who hath promised, That if a sinner turn from his sins, and repent from the bottom of his heart, he will blot them out of his remembrance: Christ saith also, Come unto me, all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will ease you; And the Lord saith, That whensoever two or three are gathered together in his name, there he will be in the midst of them.

And as a testimony of my experiences of God’s love, and my interest in Christ by regeneration I praise God I can say without dissembling, or halting,

1. That I value not the world, nor anything therein, in comparison of God, and had rather be without all then without God; and I desire only such enjoyments of the world as may help me, and not hinder me in my service to God.

2. My desire is so to follow God, and his Word, and to have communion with the people of God, that I may thereby walk the more close to God.

3. I desire exceedingly to have my faith strengthened by the Spirit of God, to rest upon him, and to serve him, and to use all means to be taught, and to practice the things of God.

4. Whatever I strive for in the world, I do in a more especial manner seek to get to heaven, and to be with God.

5. I have much comfort in prayer, in pouring out my soul to God.

6. I would part with Iife, or anything for God, who hath done so great things for me.

7. I love God for his purity, and holiness, and his commands are pure, holy, and desirable to me, because of that beauty and comeliness which in my judgment I see, and by experience find in them.

8. I hate all sin for the evil thereof, the thought thereof is hateful to me.

9. And I do believe, that though in myself I am a great sinner, and deserve nothing but damnation, yet that God will save me, of his rich mercy and goodness, through Christ Jesus.

A. T.

EXP. XLVIII. Experiences of S. P. - By a Sermon at Norwich.

The bitterness of the wrath of God for sin is very sharp unto me, and I do behold, as in a glass, the odiousness of sin in my Conscience, I was not once sensible of the sinfulness of sin for twenty-four years space, but walked loose, like a wild Heifer; but in the year of our Lord, 1642. I was by a Sermon preached by Master Hall, then one of the Assembly, as I take it, when he was at Norwich, I was brought to such a feeling of sin, that it wrought great sorrow, and I saw myself to be a vile wretch, and undone without Christ, whom I could not find, except I returned to the Lord, and that I had nothing but Christ to depend on for Salvation.

And I found comfort in some promises that the Lord put into my mind out of his holy Word, as Heb. 13:5. Be content with those things which ye have, for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. And Heb. 10:23. Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering, for he is faithful that promised.

And in the Psalms David saith, Trust in the Lord, be strong and he shall comfort thine heart, and trust in him. And it is said, The mighty God casteth away none that is mighty and valiant of courage.

And the Lord hath so wrought by faith upon my heart, that

1. All my delight and glory is wrapped up in the love of God, through Christ.

2. All the world, and all afflictions, cannot, I hope, beat my heart off from God.

3. I enjoy a heaven upon earth in the enjoyment of God, in the graces and life of his Spirit.

4. I have passed many trials, but God hath kept me up.

5. I do thirstingly, and joyfully, with a longing desire, thirst after duties in public and in private, and am much troubled when I fail in any.

6. In duties I desire, that God would come in by his Spirit, knowing that I cannot hear savingly except the Lord open my heart, nor ask anything of God by prayer, except he speaks in me by his Spirit.

7. I have found such comfort in duties, as are to me tokens, and pillars to my faith.

8. I have found miraculous returns of prayer.

9. I have taken much comfort in the remembrance of those wonderful things the Lord hath wrought for me.

10. The Lord alone is my stay.

11. I find assurance of the love of God to me, testified by his Spirit in me.

S. P

EXP. XLIX. Experiences of E. L. - By following the hearing of the Word, though with a dead heart, until God quickened her.

I had for a time profited but little under the means, and was very dead under the Word, and the Lord hath given me a sight and sense of my dullness, and of my sins, and thrown me very low under the sight thereof; I have been so troubled for my sins, that I feared I was not converted to God, in that I did follow the hearing of the Word, and profited so little; and the sense I have had of the greatness of my sins, hath caused me to pour out many a tear to God, by humble and hearty repentance, but in all this I have had hope, that God would come in by his grace in his own time to save me.

And my heart hath been much refreshed from the Promises that God hath revealed to me out of his holy Word, where Christ saith, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee; and, whosoever cometh to me (saith Christ) I will in no wise cast out. Also he calleth, Come unto me all ye that are weary, and heavy laden, and I will ease you.

And I have found much experience of God’s love to me, and his grace wrought in me to raise me up, when I was lowest cast down, and I have great testimonies thereof.

1. My union with God in Christ is so firm, that I hope there is nothing will be able to separate me from the love of God.

2. My confidence is in the Lord, whom I love above all.

3. I have a great desire after the Word, and Ordinances, and with great joy I do embrace the Word.

4. I have a great affection to be among the people of God in duties.

5. I find great comfort and refreshment in the hearing of the Word of God, and the Lord Jesus Christ set forth in his glory; the joy of my heart therein I cannot express.

6. I do believe, That the Lord Jesus Christ hath shed his blood for me, and will save me at the last Day; he saveth all those that trust in him, and I doubt not but I shall be saved by him, for I do trust, and rely for Salvation upon him, and him alone.

E. L.

EXP. L. Experiences of J. F. - From the sense of her natural condition, and her sins, and offending God, laying it to heart.

I Have had many turmoiling’s in the world, but the sense of my natural condition, and my sins, my offending God is my greatest trouble, the thing I would do, I do not; and what I hate, that do I; ) this troubles me, my sins scare me, and my corruptions stagger me; I groan under my spiritual burden, and was not God with me to hold me up, I should sink under it and never rise again.

Yet I have comfort in many sweet promises, as that the Lord saith, I will not leave thee, nor forsake thee, when our parents and all leave us, he hath promised, then he will take us up, he hath promised to be a God, to the humble, meek, and lowly in spirit, and to bind up the broken hearted with his love; This broken heart of mine is not for worldly things, but for sin, and as the fruits of my faith,

1. I wish that I could love God and Jesus Christ as I should do.

2. I have a great willingness to partake of duties, and find much of sweetness in duties, and am grieved that I cannot profit in them more.

3. I am a poor simple woman, and have nothing in myself but do trust in Jesus Christ; I know I can undo myself, but cannot of myself do for myself any good, Jesus Christ is all, and above all, and in us all.

4. I do cast myself down at the footstool of mercy, and all my comfort and hope is in Christ alone.

5. I could be content to give up myself and all I have to God, and for the honor of his name.

6. I am weary of sin, and desire to serve God, not only with my lips, but in heart, and in my whole life, and that I may set the law of the Lord always in my sight to love it and obey it.

J. F.

EXP. LI. Experiences of S. P. - From his experience of God’s deliverance to him from his enemies, against which he had engaged in the field.

I was called out to be a Soldier, and having had much experience of God’s deliverance from enemies in the high places of the field, it brought me to a consideration of my ways, and of the evil of sin, and the danger thereof; and what a sad condition it is to be in the state of sin, and the sense of my sins troubled me very much both night and day, and it was a great grief to me to consider, how I had trifled away my time, and neglected the ways of God, and sin was a great burden to me, and I was not sensible for the present, how I might get out of that condition.

But I found comfort from the Lord, who refreshed me with several promises, Christ saith, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest, and my yoke is easy, and my burden light, saith he, the consideration whereof hath been of great comfort to me.

And because I cannot come to Christ except the father draw me, therefore Christ hath promised in John, that He that cometh to him, he will in no wise cast out, but will raise him up at the last day; And it is said in the Hebrews, that walking according to the rule of the Gospel, and being content with what we have, the Lord hath promised, that he will not leave us nor forsake us, Heb. 13, And the Lord hath said, that he that hideth his sin shall not prosper, but he that confesseth his sin, and turneth to the Lord shall be saved: And I desire not only to confess, But

1. With all my heart to turn to the Lord from every sin, and to serve him in every duty. And the Lord doth beseech us, as the Apostle saith, by his free grace to be reconciled, and though the poor creature can do nothing of himself, yet God accepts it, if there be but a real willing mind; and God works that also in us both to will and to do, so that all is of the free grace of God, By grace we are saved, and that not of ourselves, it is the gift of God, we are all by nature the children of wrath.

2. It must be by a spiritual eye that we see God, and I hope God will teach me, and give me faith to see him, and my interest in him, there is a beginning and a growth in grace, as well as in nature.

3. My desire is, with all my heart to seek after the truth that is in Jesus, the truth of the Gospel.

4. I desire in all things to deny myself, and that God may be all in all, and above all, over me, and in me.

5. I desire by faith and repentance to mortify sin daily in my members, and my sins make me many times to cry out, that if the Lord should enter into judgment with us what could we do: But the promises and goodness of God are my stay and comfort.

S. P.

EXP. LII. Experiences of P. P. - By outward straits, and afflictions, and inward temptations of Satan.

I am a poor ignorant creature, and have so continued a long time, sin is a burden to me, and I desire to lie low for it; I can do nothing of myself, but I desire to wait upon the Lord, and to follow the rules of the Scripture. I have been in very great straits and trials by inward temptations, as well as outward afflictions, and Satan hath tempted me to low thoughts of God, and sometimes to despair, so that I have been sorely perplexed.

But God hath comforted me by several promises, as that the Lord promiseth to strengthen the weak, the Lord hath also promised, to be found of them that seek him. And Christ saith, Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven, and blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted, Matth 5.

And I trust the Lord hath converted me to him: For,

1. I love God with all my heart, and it is my whole desire to be drawn nearer and nearer to him, and to lie at the foot of Jesus Christ.

2. I desire in all things to deny myself, that Christ may be all in all.

3. I have been much comforted, in that though Satan hath often tempted me, yet God hath not suffered him to overthrow me; I have been tempted to make away myself by a knife brought to me, and Satan hath appeared in a visible shape to tempt me, and promised me many things; but then the Lord appeared, and said, is there not enough in me? And so the Lord hath carried my soul safe through all temptations,

4. I do much delight in the word, and desire the spirit of the Lord to subdue sin, and mortify lusts in me.

5. I believe in Christ, and through him alone, I hope to find salvation.

P. P.

EXP. LIII. Experiences of M. T. - By coming to hear with a gathered Church.

I have been much troubled for sin, and have been more sensible of it, since I came to duties with this Church; and I have wept for sin, and in the society of this Fellowship I have been smitten for sin, and mourned for it, with great trouble of my spirit.

Nothing one way is greater in mine eyes then sin, and yet another way nothing is greater in mine eyes then God’s mercy, who hath promised to my comfort, That at what time a sinner doth repent, and turn from his sins, he will receive him to mercy. And he saith, Call upon me in the day of trouble, I will hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me. And I have found much comfort from God in these promises to my soul; and moreover,

1. I love God above all.

2. I have nothing but that comes from God, whom I desire to serve, that he may have the glory of all I have, and am.

3. I desire to serve the Lord, not for fear of punishment, but out of heavenly love, I would not offend so good a God, and Savior.

4. I find comfort from the Scriptures, and in duties.

5. I have had much comfort in God, since I have heard Mr. Walkers Ministry.

6. I hope for salvation only by Jesus Christ.

M. T.

EXP. LIV. Experiences of E. R. - By a dream of Christ as a Child, carrying her over Hell, when she lay under despair for telling a lie, and was tempted of Satan to murder herself.

I was born and bred up of godly Parents, yet Satan so far tempted me to commit that detestable sin of telling a Lye, about eleven years of my age, against a Sister of mine, and my Sister was shrewdly and severely corrected by my Parents for that fault, and that none of hers, but mine, and I had not grace at that time to lay it to heart; but within some three months after I had a fit of Sickness, and a grievous touch in my Conscience for that sin committed against God, and my Sister, as that I saw nothing but desperation, and feared that the horrors of Hell-fire would seize on my soul and body for this sin, and Satan told me, that there was no salvation for me, for God knew me not, neither would he own me; but if I would either hang myself, or cut my throat, or take the bed-staff to thrust down my throat, then I should never be tormented more, but look how an Ox died, so should I.

Then I cried out to my parents, and said, that I was damned, and that there was no salvation for me, but that I must go to hell; then my parents watched me, and did search narrowly to see what instruments I had prepared: Then the devil did tempt me to rend the pillow, and pick out some of the feathers to swallow them down, which I did, which had like to have cost me my life, for I was very nigh dead by this means.

Then it pleased God that my parents did send for a Doctor to administer some things to me, which he did, and after that, when I was a little recovered, my parents did send for Mr. Newstub’s a Minister in Edmunds bury, and one Mr. Rogers another Minister of Deddam, who took a great deal of pains with me, and asked me whom I did believe in; and I told them that I did believe in God that he would damn me; and they asked me, if God would damn me because I did believe in him; I answered no, but it was for that sin committed against God, and my innocent Sister; and they asked me, whether I was not sorry for that act, and I told them yes, for I had cause enough to be sorry, for I must be damned for that sin; then they asked me whether I was sorry with all my heart for my offenses, and I told them I had great reason to be sorry, for by this, I had lost the love of God, and my interest in Jesus Christ; they replied, that Christ had left sweet comforts for penitent sinners, and they were to administer it unto them: But I replied, it was not for such a sinner as I was; for there could be no salvation for me: And they told me Christ died for sinners, and such sinners as I was, for they said I was a penitent sinner; but I replied, Christ never died for such a one as I was, neither could his mercy save me; then they bad me have a care how I did presumptuously go about to judge my own soul, for God did it, and that I was not fit to judge myself in that condition I was under, for they told me, that it was a greater sin in so doing, then to commit that sin of Lying against God, for God was a God of mercy, but I had no mercy, thus so rashly to judge my own soul. Then I replied, that they were as bad as I, for they came to help to carry my soul into Hell head-long; but they told me no, but they would engage their souls for my soul, that I should find comfort from them in Christ Jesus; with that I cried out, O happy day would that be that I might find comfort before my departure; and they told me, that Christ was a Christ of tenderness, that I was a beloved Christian, a dear Christian, and Christ was a preparing comfort for me, and it was Christ that had opened my eyes to see my sin, and he would also open my heart to loath sin, and he would pardon my sin; and yet I told them no, that he would never open my heart but with terror, for I was borne to be damned, and must be damned, and that Christ never died for such a sinner as I was; this I spoke with great sighing, and they asked me what made me to think so, and I told them that I saw nothing but Death, and Hell, and confusion of body and soul; and they asked me why I sighed, and wept, and groaned so sore; and I told them, because now I was a going into Hell, for the Devil with his chains was ready to throw me into the utter pit of darkness; and they said, Wherefore? And I told them for offending the Lord my Creator, and did wish myself to be in Hell, that I might be out of my misery, and that I might no longer see the vengeance of God; with that they went to prayers, each of them an hour, and when the last Minister prayed I cried out, O Lord my God, my King, and Savior, have mercy upon me a poor distressed sinner; then Master Rogers came unto me, and took me by the hand, and said, That he was glad to hear me call upon the Lord, yet I said I should be damned, for I was none of his, and that the Lord was none of my God.

But yet the next morning, I had some comfort but that left me again, and I was under the same condition of ebbing’s and flowing’s for sixteen weeks together, before I had any assurance of my salvation; and having taken no rest a long time, I fell into a slumber; and in my sleep there did appear unto me a little child in white, with an apple in one hand, and a white wand in the other: and he carried me until I came into a place where I did see much terror of fire, and shrieking, and a great deep ditch where was nothing to hold by, yet there I must go over that burning lake; and he took the white wand and laid it over the Ditch, and bad me to tread upon it, and fear not, but that I refused; then he came unto me, and took me by the hand and trundled his apple on the wand, which bowled over very level, and with that I said, It is the Lord, therefore I will venture, and did venture over with this Child in my hand; and when I came to the shore I cried out with fear, my Lord, my God, and my Savior, am I in Hell, or am I redeemed out of Hell? With that I awaked, being in a great passion and fear, and there being my friends about me, they told me, that I was redeemed out of Hell; and I asked, How could they tell? Had they been there? For I told them that I had newly been there; then I cried out, Oh, where is that sweet Babe that was with me; and they asked me what Babe, and what was the shape of it; and I declared unto them as before, and they told me, That it was Jesus Christ that had appeared in the shape of a Child, and that he had overcome Death, and Hell, for me; and I cried out, and said, Blessed be Jesus Christ for evermore, and did entreat those people that were there with my Father, that they would go to prayers for me, that those comfortable revelations which I had seen, and my faith in Christ, might never depart from me; yet for three years space after I had much foiling’s, and many ebbing’s and flowing, and much fear possessed me, that Satan would tell me that I was more afraid of Hell, then of offending God; but boldly I sat up in my Bed, and told Satan, That he was a Liar, and that I would rather be damned then to deny Jesus Christ, and so Christ did appear very comfortably to me all along, and hath, and doth deliver me out of very many troubles very often, and how to speak of them I do know no end; yet Satan like a cunning Sophister hath been tampering with me to despair in Christ, yet it pleased the Lord to bring many promises into my mind, and that example also of Mary Magdalene, and also of the Woman of Canaan believing; that as Jesus Christ had been gracious to them, so he would also be to me; and Christ hath often times revealed unto me, that his grace was sufficient for me, as Christ said unto Paul; I can speak but little of Jesus Christ, but yet I am fully persuaded in my soul, that I should think myself very happy, if the Lord please, even to give up my life for the glory and honor of his Name, if the Lord would count me but worthy of such a favor, and I would not for all the Kingdoms in the world, and the pomp thereof, be in such a condition again; and now my soul doth desire to give up itself unto God, and to walk with the people of God in the strictest course that his Word doth prescribe, and for many years together I have had longings to join with the people and Saints of God in a Church-fellowship, but still Satan hath been a means to hinder me, but now I am resolved, through the strength of Christ, to wade through all opposition, desiring to be admitted into this Church.

E. R.

EXP. LV. Experiences of T. M. - By a dream of Christ like a Child, and a Dragon, and other Beasts.

About the fourteenth year of my age I was put out to be an Apprentice, but was placed with a Master in whom I saw little of God, his ways were contrary to the ways of God, which was a great trouble to my spirit; and the more, because some rude people would drink, swear, and be very deboyst with him.

About three or four years after, there grew great Disputes amongst some persons about Episcopacy, Presbytery, Independency, and the like, which made me question with my own thoughts, which was the true way to worship God.

I applied myself to Mr. Till the Minister, and others, but was not satisfied, but after great perplexity of spirit, I meditated with myself, and wondered what would be the end of my troubles, for they had been many, especially temptations to despair of salvation.

But afterwards being returned back from my Master to my father’s house, lying down once upon a bench I fell asleep, and dreamed that I was in a green Meadow, where I saw various forms of Creatures, some furious and fell, others very pleasing, yet all of them seemed monstrous, and changed their shapes often.

And beholding myself alone in the midst of them, I was grievously troubled, and then there appeared a great red Dragon; before it came at me, there appeared a little Child, and it was put into my arms, which was so beautiful and comely that I admired it, and for the present was so taken with beholding it, that it put the fear of the Dragon for the present out of my mind.

But the Dragon afterwards drew near, and sorely affrighted me, but both myself and the child were taken away, and carried up an high hill, and the Dragon pursued us; and being often ready to fall in running up the hill, I feared that the Dragon would catch me, but my strength being come to me, I got up to the top of the hill, and the Dragon made up the hill after me.

When I was got to the top of the hill there appeared a brightness from Heaven, which gushed forth like a flash of Lightning, and split the Dragon in pieces, at which I rejoiced exceedingly.

Then the Child was put into my arms again, and I asked it what was its name; it said, Immanuel; I asked it, who was its father; it said, I am; I asked, who was its Mother; it said, Eternity; I asked, from whence he came, he said, from my Father out of Heaven; I asked to whom he came, and what was his errant here; he said, to save that which was lost, and return again; I asked him, if he would dwell with me while he stayed, he said, he could not be detained according to that frame and figure he was in, but after death he would dwell with me in another frame; the thought of death grieved me, but the child bid me not to weep at it, for in this world, that which is beauty must be destroyed, and that which is contemptible must be exalted.

I saw myself very contemptible, and poor, and troubled, and in these thoughts the child was taken away from me.

Then my father coming into the room made a noise, whereat I awaked. I was after this much Distracted, and troubled in my thoughts, and so perplexed that I knew not what to do, and the more, by seeking to understand what I had seen; and the rather, because I knew not how to be satisfied, in some doubts that lay very sad and heavy upon my soul.

But I have since found much comfort out of God’s Word, where Christ saith, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. And the Lord saith, I have called thee by name. And again, he saith in another place, I will bear in thee a poor and afflicted people, and they shall serve me. And in Isaiah he saith, I will gather my Lambs with my arms, and gently lead those that are with young. And he hath promised, That he will never lay more upon his people then he will enable them to bear. And I have these effects of my faith;

1. My heart is led out to love God, who is eternal, and invisible, and incomprehensible, I love him in all his dispensations towards me, and in the meanest Creature, though never so despised; I desire to own God where ever I see him.

2. I find my heart very full in duty, yet I have been sometimes troubled by some choleric distempers that have transported me in some disputes which I am very sorry for, and resolve to leave.

3. I love the Lord, who hath heard my prayer, and now at last satisfied me in every scruple of my conscience.

4. My desire is, to walk in fellowship with the Saints, desiring to be a Member of this Church, resolving through God’s assistance to submit to the discipline of this Church, according to the rule of the Gospel.

T. M.

EXP. LVI. Experiences of J. H. - By hearing the Word, and his conference with a Minister.

That about four and thirty years ago I had some yearnings after the truths of Jesus Christ, and I being in the Country, and hearing of Mr. Young a Minister at Cathey in Leicestershire, and hearing him preach twice a day, the word wrought so on my heart, that I took great delight to hear him; but being jeered by the people for a Puritan, I did leave off hearing for a time.

And I living in the Town near Mr. Young, sometime as I went abroad I did meet him, and Mr. Young would ask me whether I did know Jesus Christ or not, and what I did think him to be, I told him that I had read in the Scriptures, and they held him out to be the Son of God, and that he came to seek and to save that which was lost: Then said Mr. Young unto me, why do you draw back in not coming to hear the word; I told him, it was because of the deriding’s of the people; I but said Master Young, you must persevere, and that was to hold on in a continuance, and he opening some Scriptures, as that of the Hebrews, that being once enlightened and tasted of the good word, and of the powers of the world to come, if that soul should fall away, then there would be nothing but a fearful looking for of the fiery indignation of God. And this did much trouble me, that I was very fearful to be damned.

Then Mr. Young did open that Scripture in 1 Thess. 1:4,5. (You say that you know Jesus Christ to be your Savior, therefore take heed, for Jesus Christ shall appear in flaming fire, against all those that know him not, nor obey not his Gospel;) This put me in a great fear and horror, worse than before. Then I did entreat Mr. Young to tell me, what the Gospel was, and he bad me to read in the first of Matthew, and there it was this, that The Gospel was that glad tidings to the shepherds, that it was the good will of God to send Jesus Christ to save sinners, whereof, I did confess with the Apostle Paul, that I was chief.

Then Mr. Young at his parting with me, did give me these Instructions, That I should be very careful of what company I did go into, and that I should always remember my Creator in the days of my youth, and this was very fresh in my memory, and did strengthen me very much against the temptations of Satan, and kept me from frequenting those companions that I did formerly use; and if that at any time, I should meet with their Company, and hear their idle words, then this Scripture did often come into my mind, Remember thy Creator in the days of thy youth, and this did very much cheer my spirits, and did carry me along for many years, until it pleased God to bring me to London, and coming to Black-Friars under the Ministry of Doctor Gouge, I was very much built up for two years together.

And then coming to live at Westminster, I did profit but little again, until it pleased God to send Mr. Marshall and hearing of him speaking out of the fourteenth of Jeremiah, of the famine being in the outward man, but this was the famine of the Word of God at Westminster, which made me to be very attentive to the Doctrine that Master Marshall did hold forth, and he complaining what a barren place Westminster had been, and now he did hope that the Word of God would take effect in the hearts of some of his Hearers, and truly so it did on my heart, for I was a constant hearer of him, and then going to a friend’s family, I did hear them repeat the Notes that they had taken from Master Marshall, and since I did continue with that Company of Godly people, and I could have been content to have been joined to them, but that they did want the use of the Ordinances, and having no Pastor I could not look upon them as a Church, but as a gathered People to seek the Lord, and this was my judgment; therefore now it is the desire of my soul to have the fellowship with the Father and the Son, that my soul may thrive in Grace, and in the knowledge of that great love of God, that God, that so loved the world, that he gave his Son to die to save such as I am, and that whosoever doth come to him should not perish, but have eternal life; and now it is the desire of my soul to be joined unto this Body to seek the Lord, and to walk in a more close way then heretofore I have done, for as the Apostle saith, as he that is joined unto the Lord is one Spirit, so he that is joined unto a Church is one Body, whereof Christ is the Head.

J. H.

EXP. LVII. Experiences of I. H. - By hearing Doctor Gouge, and prayer.

About twenty years ago I dwelt in Black Friers, and using to hear the Word opened by Doctor Gouge, though it was but seldom, by reason that I was a servant, yet the Word wrought so much upon my soul, that I saw my condition under sin was very sad, and I knew not what to do to be delivered, but that I heard much of the mercies of God unto poor sinners, and that without I might partake of some drops of this love of God, my soul was undone; then my souls desire and labor was, how to find out a way to come closer unto the service of God; then I said, that I blessed God that he had given me a sight of my undone estate, and I did earnestly desire both in public and private to use my endeavors to seek the Lord by prayer, for my sin was a great burden unto me, and Satan did often tempt me unto sin; but by the goodness of God I did beg, and entreat the Lord to keep me, and not to leave me to myself, nor to Satan’s temptations, but by hearing of the Promises read, and held forth, I was comforted; as in that of the Hebrews, God said, that he would never leave me, nor forsake me; and that Christ saith, All ye that are weary and heavy laden with sin, come unto me and I will give rest unto your souls. Many troubles I have had in my spirit, but I praise God that still he gave me an heart to pray, and that he would give me the assistance of his holy Spirit, to keep me in all his ways, for I did find that my sins were a great burden unto me, and then it pleased the Lord to give me still in some comfort in this, that I had great hopes his loving kindness should not be taken from me, and indeed I had many refreshments from the Spirit of God, which did carry me many times cheerfully in the hearing of the Word, and I am still troubled in my spirit, that I cannot pray unto God as I ought to do, but my desires are to do better than I do; I have been often amongst godly people, and I have had an earnest desire that the Lord would make my way to be joined unto Mr. Walkers Fellowship. 2. Because I have found much comfort under his Ministry, and now I do humbly pray, That I may be admitted into this Society, and to walk with this People, thus joined together in the fear of the Lord.

I. H.

EXP. LVIII. Experiences of T. R. - By several experiences of God’s deliverances to him.

At the age of two and twenty years being in the Straits, I was taken by the merciless Turks, and there kept Captive, but by the great power of the Lord I was delivered out of captivity by a miraculous way unexpected, the Lord giving me grace to call on him, gave me a gracious answer, That he would never leave me, nor forsake me.

Experiences in a voyage to Gyne.

In the time of our last War with France, on the Coast of Gyne, I was taken by the French Men of war, wherein I was greatly afflicted, outwardly in body for want of food, and raiment, and other hard afflictions which they laid on me, to have turned to their Catholic Religion, yet the Lord still promised me, that he would give me a deliverance out of their merciless hands; who made good his promise to me in a short time, blessed be his holy name.

Experiences on a Voyage from Lishborne to Brazil in the year, 1648.

For the Portugal’s, in a Ship of London, and at our being there, and our ship laden, we did intend for Portugal, but they detained us one year, so that our ship was all eaten with worms, that we were fain to keep our Pump pumping for the space of nine months, but the longer the worse, for in our passage home-ward we could not tell which death to choose, either to starve, or to be drowned, for our Victuals was so small, that for one year and more we had no bread in our ship, but we did eat the roots of Trees, made into a substance like Oatmeal, and for Beef, one ounce for a man for a day, which stunk so, that none could have eat it but men in our case; for Drink, we were glad of a pint of water a day during the time of our passage, which was seventeen weeks; but in this passage we saw the wonderful work of God, for he sent us for the space of three weeks, in seasonable times, Fish called Dolphins, sometimes two or three in a day, and as we grew near within three hundred leagues of the Coast of Portugal, and that provision we had near spent, only three or four days left, and all our men sick, and weak, and almost starved, it pleased God of his great mercy to send us a ship of Flushing, a Man of War, who proved to us as Joseph to the Children of Israel, for they brought us victuals which saved our lives, and after they had taken our ship, they were fain to put on board forty men to keep our ship from sinking, for it pleased God the next day after they took us, that we had a great violent storm, and a great Sea broke upon he, that we thought she would never have recovered herself again, for our goods did shut all to one side, and so she was fain to go until she came to Flushing, but we poor Creatures were in great peril and danger of our lives, and yet the Lord appeared unto me by his promise, That he would bring me to shore, and would deliver my life from death, and my eyes from tears; and he hath done graciously with me above my deserts, and enabled me above my strength, and delivered me above my hope, therefore will I praise him without measure, and magnify his name without end.

Experiences of a voyage to Ireland of late, on the fourteenth day of Jan. 1651.

Being on the Coast of Ireland, it pleased the Lord to raise a violent storm, and in the morning by the dawning of day, we were so near the shore, that to man’s judgment there was nothing but death approaching, for we knew no place of that Land by reason of the Fog, and Rain that we had all the day, and knew not where to go, but as the Lord, who is the Pilot of Pilots did carry us, until four a clock at night, which at that time a year is dark, and then we came to a great high head-land, and a little without that lay a great Sand, so that we could not go any other way but betwixt them; so that then past all hopes of life, we forced her through the Sea, so that it brake over our heads, insomuch that we could not tell whether we were in the Sea or the Bark, but by our feet and hands, for we could not see for the violence of the water; only he that was at the helm: And yet in the space of a quarter of an hour we were in a safe place, newly taken out of the jaws of death. So that I of all men have great cause to be always rendering thanks to my God, for his continual and most sweet favors unto me, sinful wretched, and empty man, void of all spiritual goodness.

Experiences on the Coast of Virginia.

I being in a Ship of the burden of three hundred tons, and lying on the Coast of Virginia, being wind-bound the space of seven weeks, it pleased God to visit our people with the Pestilential Feaver, and the Calenture, which is a violent Feaver, or Madness at first, and we had in our ship two hundred thirty five souls at that time, and of them it was the will and pleasure of God that we had a hundred of them sick at one time, so that we had but few to look to the sick; and we were in great want of provisions, so that we knew not whither to go, but it pleased God to raise a great storm, so that we received a great Sea, that brake into our main Saile, and we had two foot water between our Decks, so that our poor sick people cried out, they were drowned, but within one hour after, by the mercy of God, we had fair weather, and fair wind, and within three or four days God set us safe on Land, to our great joy and comfort, that before were almost past all hopes, so that he caused us to say with the Prophet David, It was good for me that I was afflicted.

And yet I have another choice mercy, to make known what God hath done for me, for he hath now called me out of the world, but not out of the Land, of the living; and he hath also opened my eyes, and made clear my understanding, with Mary, to choose the better part; and whatsoever the world, or Satan can cast upon me, it shall all turn to my good; for I know that my Redeemer liveth, and him my soul desires to bless and praise, which I trust I shall do till my change cometh, and therefore my desire is to join with this Congregation, and walk humbly with them, as God shall enable me, and the Lord strengthen my faith.

T. R.

EXP. LIX. Experiences of J. S. - By sense of a dead heart.

It hath been so with me, that sometimes my spirits have been much cast down, and that the burden of my sins is great upon me, having lived carelessly in many great sins committing them with greediness; yea, many times known sins presumingly: Yet hath God sometimes touched my heart with remembrance and sorrow, in the sense of them, which afterwards again, forgetting all good resolutions I have behaved myself perfidiously to God, and the innumerable account so terrifies me, even to despair: But having learned that God is good and gracious, and believing that he who hath commanded us to forgive seventy times our brother offending, will also pardon them that faithfully seek him.

In my course of sinning I have continued hitherto without that due contrition for them, nor in the midst of great sins, have I been able to seek God, but rather in the forgetting them could sometimes pray, yet but with small fervency and no repentance, as I ought, which is a continual daily trouble to me, and cause that I cannot look up as I ought.

In this my said most sad condition, I cannot see any help but in Christ Jesus: I see I am in a lost condition without Christ, and I go pressed down by my sins; and it grieves me, but not sufficiently, that the troubles and cumbering’s of the world do too much put these things out of my mind, and I could wish that I could live with less troubles about the things of the world, that I might more mind the things of God.

And it is a great trouble to me that my heart is so dead and dull, and that I have not more knowledge of God’s commandments, which I have cast behind me. And I do much pray to the Lord to touch my spirit, and then I know I shall be enlightened: The greatest part of my wickedness is the least part that I can confess:

And my dead and dull heart hath not so quickened me as I could have wished; But I have had some comfort in flying to some promises, As Christ saith, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest; take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest to your souls; I have desired to take up the yoke of Christ, for my sins are a burden, and so great a wound to me, that they are putrefied, and one sore putrefies another; And crying for help, I am a poor languishing soul lying as quite dead, gasping for life. I would I could weep that I cannot weep. But I take comfort in the Apostles words, who saith, Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners, of which he saith, he is chief.

God said, walk before me, and be upright, and I will be thy God All-sufficient.

And my comfort of hope in Jesus Christ is, from these things wrought by his spirit in me.

1. It is my desire faithfully to serve the Lord, for he is gracious, and an infinite glorious God.

2. I desire that the Lord will take away my sins, and that the new birth may be formed in me, that I may become obedient to his spirit, and not unto the flesh.

3. I desire the Lord to give me faith and true repentance for all my sins, and it is my confidence that God can clear up to me, and I desire from my soul, that he will say to me, thy sins are forgiven thee.

4. My love to God is such that I could give my body to be burnt, and my flesh to be massacred, were it for God’s sake, and I desire to draw near unto God, he hath been near unto me: O that I could remember and be mindful of his mercies! I desire to lay aside all to enjoy God.

5. My resolutions (through grace) are chiefly to seek God above all things, and desire to serve him with my whole heart in all his commands.

6. I am a fiend of perfidiousness, because of former backslidings after weak resolving’s.

7. My resolutions are through grace, that the Lord shall be my God, and to serve him to the uttermost I can, as he shall enable me, begging his Divine grace and strength therein.

8. My hope of salvation is only in God’s free grace in Jesus Christ.

9. I have found comfort from the ministry of Mr. Walker your pastor, and see such walking by this Church according to the rule of God’s word, that I do much desire to be a member with you; and the rather because I lived in a place where is much ignorance and profaneness, that so I may partake of your prayers, and fellowship, to the comfort of my soul, and building me up through grace in Jesus Christ.

J. S.

EXP. LX. Experiences of E. P. - By outward crosses.

That the trouble for sin hath been the greatest trouble I have had, that I have been so great a sinner against so good a God; That I have deserved all shame, misery and torment that can be inflicted on me for my sins, and had despaired had I not hope in God’s mercies, that my heart hath been much hardened that I have not so grieved as I should, and I desire the Lord to soften my heart, that I may mourn for my sins more than I have done; and I have been much troubled that I have been no more humbled for my sins, and that my condition would be sad if the Lord did not change my heart: but my hope is in God who giveth grace to all that he saveth; and I have, from the consideration of my outward crosses, been the more sensible of my sins, knowing that I have deserved many greater afflictions, and I hope that the Lord will give me in a larger portion of his grace, and make me an humble penitent.

And I have found comfort in several sweet promises, as that the Lord saith, Call upon me in the day of trouble, and I will hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me; And Christ saith, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest; And therefore I do call upon God, and wait on him, believing that he will hear me, and that Jesus Christ will give me rest, and Christ saith, Whosoever shall forsake Father, or Mother, or Wife, or Relation for his sake and the Gospels, shall receive of him much more. And God hath wrought in my heart a resolution to forsake all for Christ and the Gospel, and rely on God alone.

And I have these sweet seals from God, of my interest in Christ.

1. That my heart is willing and ready to obey God’s commandments in all things, so far as a poor sinner can.

2. That I do rely wholly upon God’s mercy, and put my trust and confidence in him, and in him alone.

3. That the love of God hath wrought in my heart a love to him, and a desire to Jesus Christ, and to know God in him.

4. That I have a love to the word and duties, and I desire nothing more than to find Christ in duties, and I find a joy and comfort in duties, and I wish to dwell with God’s people all the days of my life.

5. That I hope for salvation by saith in Jesus Christ, and by him alone.

E. P.

EXP. LXI. Experiences of G. S. - By coming to a private meeting.

That I have had a great desire to serve Jesus Christ, and to serve God in truth as near as I can, but I have had many occasions to keep me back, and I do see that not to go forward is to go backward; that I have a great burden upon my conscience for sin, and have been much cast down, and I see by the troubles that are upon me that the Lord doth humble me, and that I am resolved to make or renew my repentance, and fly to God whose mercy is above all; and I see that I am a great sinner, I have ever had a great desire to serve Jesus Christ, but I see I cannot do it as I ought, but my soul longs after Jesus Christ, and without him I cannot live, that I have been many times much troubled in conscience, but have found comfort from the word, in hearing the word preached. That I once received a very great comfort, a year since, in hearing a private conference amongst Christians, since which I have been much affected with private meetings, and desired to walk with a Church.

That I have received much comfort from several promises, as that Christ saith, Come to me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest; also he saith, whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name I will give it you. And again that he saith, I will never leave thee nor forsake thee. And this promise I have much stuck to, and found much comfort in. Also he hath promised, Ask and ye shall have, seek, and ye shall find, knock and it shall be opened to you. And the Lord saith, If the sinner return unto me, I will have mercy upon him.

And God hath further wrought upon my heart, so that

1. I see that I have much neglected my duty to God, and have just cause to fear that God will be angry with me; But I hope in his mercy.

2. That I love God.

3. That I love God’s word, and his Servants, as my life, and to hear the people of God derided and scorned is a great trouble to me, and a very sore grief to my spirit.

4. That I had rather live with bread and water to be with Christ, then to enjoy the Kingdoms of the world.

5. That I grieve and can weep to consider of those ways that I have taken contrary to the word of God, for I know God will honor those that honor him, and despise those that despise him.

6. That my resolutions are (the Lord enabling me, with his grace and strength) to serve God constantly for the time to come.

7. I have had very great comforts in hearing of the word, and in my greatest afflictions have found such comfort with the people of God in duties, that I desire the sincere milk of the word, that I may grow thereby.

8. That I desire to walk with this Church, because I believe they be such as God owns, who saith, that where two or three are gathered together in his name, he is in the midst of them.

9. That I am confident, if I should die, that I shall be found in Jesus Christ, who hath satisfied the justice of God.

10. That I desire to grow up in the grace of God, more and more, to perfection in Christ.

G. S.

APPENDIX. The Practice of Gathered Churches in the City of London, and other parts of England.

Stated and proved to be rightly constituted according to the Rule of the Gospel: With a Covenant taken by each Member. And a Confession of Faith, Professed. With an abbreviate of their whole Practice. And some Papers presented by the Assembly of Divines to the Parliament, touching the right Constituting of particular Churches.

The Practice of the Gathered Churches in the City of London, and other parts of England.

Those that enter into Church fellowship, are to have some knowledge of each other, before they go about the work, that they are in the judgments of men fit materials to make a Church, for how can they walk together except they be agreed, Amos 3:3.

When they go about this great work, it is the practice of the gathered Churches, first; to set a part a day of humiliation to pray unto the Lord for his directions, and assistance therein; and for a blessing upon the work, 1 King. 8:28,29; Phil. 4:6,7.

Then they have consultations with several Pastors, and the Members of other Churches that are rightly constituted, and have communion with the rest of the godly Churches. They have many debates in several meetings; and put up many prayers in public and private, and send to the Churches to desire their prayers also, Act. 15:41; Act. 16:4,5; 1 Cor. 7:17; 2 Cor. 8:18.

After all which, so many of them as are satisfied in the godly conversation, and piety of each other, set a part a day of humiliation, on which they make a register of their names, as persons propounded to enter into Church-fellowship together; if they shall be fully satisfied, touching the piety, and experiences of each other, on a day appointed for that purpose; for which work they propound a day, wherein to give up themselves, first, to the Lord, and then to one another by the will of God, and so become a Church by the conjunction of them, or so many of them as shall be satisfied, touching the conversation of each other, in faith, utterance, knowledge, and in all diligence and love, 2 Cor. 8:4-7.

And again, at another day of humiliation, they proceed to join themselves together in Church-fellowship some other Pastors, or members, or both, of other Congregations; being present, and bearing testimony of their conjunction.

And after some time that day spent in prayer to God, and something spoken by the Officers or Members of other Churches then present, touching the occasion they proceed, thus.

1. So many of the persons, propounded before, as are fully satisfied touching the conversation of each other, draw together, and choose out one amongst themselves, or some other Church-member present, to take their names, to which they all make answer one after another, that they are satisfied as to matter of conversation touching each other, Eph. 4:15,16.

2. They then each of them, one after another, give an account of their faith and experiences of the grace of God by his spirit wrought in them, 1 Pet. 3:15; Mal. 3:16.

3., So many of the said persons approved for godliness of life as aforesaid, as shall receive such satisfaction touching each other’s faith, as that to them they appear visible Saints, and such as God will save, they then proceed to enter into fellowship as a Church of Christ, Act. 2:47; 1 Cor. 1,2.

The Covenant of the Churches is in these or the like words.

We do promise and covenant in the presence of the Lord, that the Almighty Jehovah shall be our God; we do give up ourselves to serve him in spirit and in truth, and do promise to walk together as a Church, according to the rule of the Gospel, and to watch over one another, and continue in fellowship together, and be helpful to each other, as God shall enable us, according to our duties expressed in the word of God.

Every branch of this Covenant is grounded upon the word of God, as appears, Rom. 9:4; Act. 3:25; 1 Cor. 3:8; 2 Cor. 8:5; Jos. 24:15; Prov. 3:1; 2 Thess. 2:13; 2 Thess. 1:1,2. &c; 1 Tim 3:15; 1 Cor. 16:13; Matth. 18:15,16,17; Gal. 6:10.

For the lawfulness of this way of gathering Churches, here unto is asserted several papers presented by way of humble advice from the Assembly of Divines to the Parliament; and the places of Scripture, by them collected, for their proof of the same.

By the Assembly of Divines. Touching particular visible Churches.

1. Particular visible Churches, members of the general Church are held forth in the New Testament, Gal. 21:22; Rev. 1:4,20; Rev. 2:1.

2. Particular Churches in the Primitive times were made up of visible Saints, viz. of such as being of age, professed faith in Christ, and obedience unto Christ, according to the rule of faith and life, taught by Christ, and his Apostles, and of their children, Act. 2:38,41; Act. 2, ult. compared with 2 Cor. 9:13; Act. 2:39; 1 Cor. 7:14; Rom. 11:16 &c; Mar. 10:14 compared with Matth. 19:13,14; Luk. 18:15,16.

By the Assembly of Divines. Touching Pastors of Churches.

The Pastor is an ordinary and perpetual Officer in the Church, Jer. 3:15,16,17. Prophesying of the time of the Gospel, 1 Pet. 5:2,3,4; Eph. 4:11,12,13.

It belongs to his office;

To pray for, and with his flock, as the mouth of the people unto God, Act, 6:2,3,4, and 20:36. Where Preaching and Prayer are joined as several parts of the same Office, Jam. 5:14,15. The Office of the Elder, that is the Pastor, is to pray for the sick, even in private, to which a blessing is especially promised, much more therefore ought he to perform this in the public execution of his Office as a part thereof, 1 Cor. 15,16.

To read the Scripture publicly; For the proof of which;

1. That the Priests and Levites in the Jewish Church were trusted with the public reading of the Word, as is proved, Deut. 31:9,10,11; Neh. 8:1,2, and 13.

2. That the Ministers of the Gospel have as ample a Charge and Commission to dispense the Word, as well as other Ordinances, as the Priests and Levites had under the Law, proved, Isa. 66:21; Matth. 23:34. Where our Savior intituleth the Officers of the New Testament, whom he will send forth by the same names of the Teachers of the Old.

Which Propositions prove, that therefore (the duty being of a moral nature) it followeth by just consequence, that the public reading of the Scriptures belongeth to the Pastors Office.

To feed the Flock by preaching of the Word, according to which, he is to teach, convince, reprove, exhort and comfort, 1 Tim. 3:2; 2 Tim. 3:16,17; Tit. 1:9.

To Catechize, which is a plain laying down the Principles of the Oracles of God, Heb. 5:12, or of the doctrine of Christ, and is a part of preaching.

To dispense other divine mysteries, 1 Cor. 4:1,2.

To administer the Sacraments, Matth. 28:19,20; Mar. 16:15,16; 1 Cor. 11:23,24,25, compared with 1 Cor. 10:16.

To bless the people from God, Num. 6:23-26, compared with Rev. 14:5, (where the same blessings and persons from whom they come are expressly mentioned, Isa. 66:21, hereunder the names of Priests and Levites to be continued under the Gospel, are meant Evangelical Pastors, who therefore are by office to bless the people, Deut. 10:8; 2 Cor. 13:14; Eph. 1:2.

To take care of the poor, Acts 11:30, and 4:34-37, and 6:2,3,4; 1 Cor. 16:1-4; Gal. 2:9,10.

And he hath also a ruling power over the flock as a Pastor, 1 Tim. 5:17; Acts 20:17, and 28; 1 Thess. 5:12; Heb. 13:7,17.

For the lawfulness of visible Saints entering into Church-fellowship, see these places of Scripture following, viz.

Acts 2:47; 1 Cor. 12:18; Eph. 4:1,12,13; Math. 28:19,20; Isa. 59:21; 1 Tim. 4:14; Acts 15:2,4,6; Rom: 12:7,8; 1 Cor. 12:28; Acts 6:2; Acts 11:30; Acts 15:4,6,22; Act. 21:17,18; Act. 20:31; Act. 19:10,17-20; 1 Cor. 16:8,9; Act. 18:19,24,26.

Rules for the Union and Peace of Churches.

The Lord Jesus, gives an express rule to act by, against disorderly members, Matth. 18:15,16,17.

The Apostle Paul hath laid down excellent rules to be observed for the orderly walking of Church-members, Rom. 12.

A Confession of Faith, Professed by the Church-Members at the Humiliation at Summerset-house Chapel.

Approved of by all the Pastors and Ministers then present.

I. We believe, That the Scriptures contained in the Old and New Testament are the Word of God, written by the Prophets, and holy men as they were inspired by God, to be the rule of faith, and life, to his people.

II. We believe in God, the eternal immense, incomprehensible Unity, who doth manifest himself from eternity to eternity by the Trinity.

III. We believe, That God the Father is from himself the Almighty, and excellent glory, creator of heaven and earth, and from eternity to eternity doth whatsoever he will.

IV. We believe that Jesus Christ is the only son of God begotten of the Father, and is the eternal brightness of his glory, and express image of his person, and in his divine nature, in all things equal with God the Father.

V. We believe, That the holy ghost is the eternal Spirit of glory, proceeding from the Father, and the Son.

VI. We believe, That through the guilt and corruption of Adams sin, he and all his posterity, are by nature the children of wrath.

VII. We believe, That there is an eternal Covenant, between the Father and the Son, carried on by the spirit for the salvation of the elect.

VIII. We believe, That God the Son took upon him the nature of man, but without sin, was conceived by the holy ghost, borne of a virgins, suffered for our sins, satisfied God’s justice due to us, bore the burden of God’s wrath in his soul by heaviness in his agony, and satisfied the justice of God in his body, which was crucified till he died; and was buried, and the third day he rose again from the dead, and having conquered sin, death, and hell for believers, ascended into heaven, and is become a glorious mediator between God and Man, anointed of God to be an eternal King, Priest, and prophet to the Saints, and having made their peace with God, is sat down on the right hand of the majesty on high; from whence he shall come at the last and dreadful day to judge the world, when the Saints shall meet him in the clouds, and sit with him upon Thrones to judge all the hypocrites, wicked, and unbelievers, to eternal damnation, who shall be thrown with the devils to everlasting torment, both soul and body into hell: where the worm dieth not, and the fire never shall be quenched.

IX. We believe, That Christ hath a spiritual and invisible Church, gathered from all parts of the world, into spiritual fellowship with himself, consisting of all God’s Elect; of whom he is the Head; who shall sing praises and hallelujahs to God with him (in bliss) in heaven to all eternity.

X. We believe, that Christ hath particular Churches here upon earth, consisting of visible Saints in communion, who give up themselves by covenant, first to God, and then one to another, by the will of God, to serve the Lord and to walk according to the rule of the Gospel unto whom Christ hath given the ministry, oracles and Ordinances of God, for gathering and perfecting of the Saints, and doth by his own presence and spirit (according to his promise) make them effectual to the elect, that at the day of the Lord Christ he may gather those that believe into his Garner.

XI. We believe, that the promise made to believers, doth give their children a right to Baptism, by sprinkling clean water upon them, as a seal from God, that he hath gathered them from the Idolatrous Heathen, and will certainly save them if they believe.

XII. We believe, that through Christ Jesus our Redeemer and Savior, and by him alone, without anything that we can call ours, all our sins shall be forgiven us, our souls shall be in bliss when our bodies are dead, and we shall reign with him, at the day of Judgment, both in our souls and bodies (together with all the Elect) in eternal life, and blessedness.

Amen.

A Letter from a Church newly gathered (of their Constitution with the putting out of a scandalous Member) sent to other Churches.

To the Churches of Jesus Christ, rightly constituted, according to the order of the Gospel, in and about the Cities of London, and Westminster. The Church of Christ at _____ walking with their Pastor, sendeth greeting,

Dearly beloved in the Lord Jesus,

We being by the grace of Christ, a new constituted Church body, settled with all Gospel Order, by testimony from other Church Officers, and in the presence of other Church Members (as Witnesses) with Election and ratification of the said _____ our present Pastor, and having by God’s goodness walked together _____ in much peace, love and mutual edification.

We thought it our duty, that having had just cause (to our grief) to cast out from us _____ for his notorious crimes and disorderly walking, to give you advertisement thereof, least he should creep into your Communions, and thereby pollute your fellowship, and the holy things of God, subverting Gospel Order, and bolstering up himself in his sinful obstinacy; which is the ground of this our sending to you, who subscribe ourselves

Your Servants in the Lord Christ.

FINIS.

Table of Contents

PREF. To the Sober and Spiritual Readers of this Book.The special, and unspeakable love, and care of our good Lord, and great Master, Jesus Christ, hath so manifestly appeared to his people (especially of late years) that out of his fullness he hath communicated so bountifully, that many of them, (like good Scribes) out of their Treasuries have been able to bring things new and old, for the refreshing, comforting, and supplying of many poor souls, which otherwise had been in extreme want and distress. Also amongst the various ways of God’s teaching, Experience is one of the chiefest; for that is the inward sense and feeling, of what is outwardly read and heard; and the spiritual and powerful enjoyment of what is believed.Experience is a Copy written by the Spirit of God upon the hearts of believers. It is one of Faiths handmaids, and attendants, and Hopes usher, Rom. 5:3.And when Christ is with-drawn within the veil, and the wings of faith clipped, and the floods of temptation over-flo

EXP. I. Experiences of T. A. - Converted after three years terror upon his Conscience, and then rolling himself on Christ.I Shall briefly give you my Experiences touching the graces of God’s Spirit in me. 1. Touching humiliation for sin, which I take to be for one to have the feeling of a burden of sin lying heavy upon him, and throwing himself down at the feet of Christ for mercy, with a broken heart. And it is not right, if it be only for fear of Hell, but in regard of sinning against the Love of God.For myself, I found the terror of sin upon me so, that in my apprehension I could not be fit to take part of any good thing with the people of God; and thus it was with me three years, so that I partook of no Ordinance with profit. I heard the Word, but with little joy, only sometimes some short flashings, but could not be thoroughly resolved; yet I was troubled, that God should so lovingly send his Son, and I be so vile a sinner.2. Touching Repentance, which I think to be not only a sor

EXP. II. Experiences of T. P. - The terrors of Hell laid hold on him, for offering wrong against the people of God, that he cried out he was damned many years.I have had some thoughts concerning my Spiritual condition, and made search into my Soul touching my estate in relation to God; and what testimony I can find of my interest in God, and conversion to God; and I have found this to be the way of God’s working to bring me to himself, through his great mercy in the Lord Jesus. It hath pleased God ever since I was borne, to place me under the means of the Gospel, the neglect whereof hath been a great trouble and a grief unto my soul; this with many sins more, lay heavy upon my Conscience, especially some offense and wrong offered against the People of God, insomuch that the terrors of Hell laid hold upon me, and I began with Cain to cry out, that my burden was more then I was able to bear; I was a damned creature, I was out of the presence, and out of the favor of God, and never like t

EXP. III. Experiences of M. W. - By a Sermon at Liverpool and after great afflictions, with a piece of a Bible in a barn.When I lived in Ireland, and was in fullness of outward enjoyments, I had my thoughts much taken up about the things of the World, but little seriously touching the salvation of my soul; but about nine years since, being in the Church at Liverpool in Lancashire, I heard a Sermon preached by Mr. Thompson; his Text was, Redeem the time because the days are evil: Many things he spake so home to my soul; that I was very much troubled that I had spent so many days in evil. That I have been covetous, and proud, and impatient in the former days of my life. Yet it pleased the Lord, that I had an Husband that was an honest man, and one that feared God, who had often before given me good counsel, and sometimes persuaded me to make him some promises of amendment; but I had Children, and Servants, and Cattle, and lived plentifully in Ireland, from whence I had lately come with m

EXP. IV. Experiences of I. I. - By waiting upon the ordinances.When I was in the midst of my wealth, and worldly enjoyments, I was vain, covetous, and wholly had my heart taken up with the things of the world, little or nothing minding the things of God, or thinking of a change, but went on in a presumption, putting the evil day far off, minding only for the present what pleased the flesh; until about eight years since, I had many outward crosses befell me, and was in some want; and then being under that dispensation, I was much troubled, and full of griefs, I sought to the Lord, and begged deliverance from the affliction of my distresses, as to outward wants, but had not an heart to consider what was the cause, or to seek out the mind of God in it, until about two years and an half since, I heard D. Holmes, showing sin to be the cause of all our crosses. The consideration hereof did come close unto my spirit, and I had a clear conviction of my vanity, and foolish doting on worldly thi

EXP. V. Experiences of E. C. - After seven years temptation to kill herself, for neglecting to come to the ordinances, she threw herself upon Christ.About some nine years ago at the birth of a Child I had very great temptations, of destroying myself, and have had oftentimes a Knife put into my hand to do it, so that I durst not be left by myself alone; and when I had considered what the causes of it might be, my Conscience did hint most my neglecting of duties, (the which I had many opportunities to have performed) they being the Ordinances of God. Thus I continued till two years ago I buried a Child, which was a very great trouble to me to part with, and then was I more fully convinced of sin, which caused my burden to be the greater, so that I could seldom have any other thoughts but of desperation; but the Lord kept me by his great mercy, so that sometimes I could pray with devotion, and discern the Lord to remove this great trouble from me, I did plainly find that those great tempt

EXP. VI. Experiences of D. M. - By a young infant, when she went to a Pond to drown herself.About forty years since, through many crosses increasing upon me, like an armed man. I flew unto God to seek his mind by prayer, and he discovered to me that it was my sins, which were then set before me; which caused me to feel the hand of God by afflictions upon me, that sin was the cause of my sufferings, which lay very heavy upon me, and terrified me, so that I thought I had been in the way to damnation: and that if I had been in the way to salvation, every affliction would not come so upon me, greater than I thought I could be able to bear. In particular, The Lord discovered to me, that I had too much loved my Husband in a fleshly love, making an idol of him, and therefore he justly became a great terror to my spirit, first he became an enemy to goodness, and so a hindrance to me in coming to Christ. And also, that while I thus doted on him, he went away from me: I feared, through the sense

EXP. VII. Experiences of AE. L. - By being driven through afflictions to go to the meetings of godly people.I had about three years since, some great grief upon my spirit about a Daughter, which was brought to great sufferings, and by reason of her going away in her affliction, I thought she had made away herself: God put it into my thoughts to remember my sins; and that God had laid this affliction upon me, for neglecting my duty to him, and not serving him as I ought. This caused great sorrow in me, and abundantly to shed tears: my sins I thought was the occasion that the Lord made her so great a cross to me, for which I had deserved it, so that both became a great grief to my soul; and thus I lay languishing in very great sorrow: Then I began to think with myself that there is no refuge but only in Christ: and I consulted my thoughts, how to go to good company, and meetings, where I might find comfort from the people of God. And about two years and a quarter since, one morning I cam

EXP. VIII. Experiences of J. B. - By a Son, a little child of six years of age.About seventeen years since, a Child of mine about six years of age, when I have bid him go forth to play, he hath come in again very solitary because other Children would swear, and some be deboyst; I would ask him, Robert, what aileth you, why do you not go to play? He would answer, That he had no fellows to play withal, but such as would swear, and the like, and they could not be (said he) God’s children. I would say, Why not Child? Then he would say, No Mother, though I am but a little way in my Book, yet I have learnt, that God will not pardon such sins, as swearing; I have sometimes said, Yes Child, I hope God will pardon them, else God help thy Father, and God help us all: Then he hath replied, Mother, with great repentance God can forgive, for his mercies are great; but good Mother, let us forbear that which is evil. And many times I had such conference with that Child, that seeing me troubled about

EXP. IX. Experiences of A. J. - By waiting on the ordinances after loss of a precious Husband, and that in affliction of spirit for near a year’s time.When it pleased God to call my husband from me, which was about eight years since, I was (for a time) exceedingly cast down, and troubled, as I think any poor creature could be; in which I was so overwhelmed, that I did not know which way to turn myself, nor what to do, yet seeking the Lord, to find out what was his mind in the thing: I had lost a good estate, had nobody to look after my business, had many injured me, and had lost (above the rest) a precious husband, whom I entirely loved, yet the Lord put it into my heart, that all this was to wean me from my sins, and too much doting upon an Husband, and other worldly enjoyments, which my heart was too much taken up with, therefore the Lord was pleased to strip me of them in a great measure, to bring me nearer to himself. I went to diverse places to hear several Ministers, by waiting u

EXP. X. Experiences of A. A. - In the loss of Children, and great buffetings for sin, by waiting upon God by prayer.About two years since, my Husband was sore wounded, which I took as a great trial, not having above a month to go with child at that time, and I was troubled at it. And about a quarter of a year after I was up, all my children were sick together of the small pox. Yet all this did not work upon me inwardly so sensibly, as about a month afterwards, when one of my children died suddenly, when I thought he had been near well, then I said, the wages of sin is death, thinking that the Lord had warned me by threatening’s fatherly before, but I did not hearken to him, and therefore I thought he smote me now, by the death of my child. But yet I could not enter into any particular sins that God should strike at, only in general; I sought the Lord, that God would lay open my sins to me, I was very much troubled, that the Lord took my child so suddenly from me: but I was comforted se

EXP. XI. Experiences of E. C. - By repulsing the Devil when he appeared to her, and tempted her.About thirty years since, being about sixteen years of age, though I did not understand the word, yet I had a great desire to the word, and to go to hear, because they served God therein that did so, knowing that there is a God that ought to be served. And I sat often in corners studying what way I might come to God, if I should die, having a very great affection wrought by the Lord upon my spirit, praying as well as I could, that myself, and my father, and mother, and friends might go to God, when we die. And I was very much set upon duties, thinking to find God there; but I afterwards lived in a family, where I was much hindered from the Ordinances, or partaking of anything of God, which was a great grief unto me. Yet sometimes I have had thoughts then towards worldly things, and pondering how to be rich or fine as others, but God wrought in my heart a remorse to check those temptations. A

EXP. XII. Experiences of A. O. - By a quarter of a year’s despair, fearing that a Lie told knowingly had been the sin against the Holy Ghost.I have been many years since very sensible of my natural estate, and did lie long under the sense of my sins, which were so great a burden to me, that they made me almost to despair, in so much that I could scarce either eat or drink, but had my spirits dried up with the anguish thereof, as a bottle in the smoke. For I was brought up under the means, and from a child, to frequent the hearing of the word. And the first cause of my so great torment was, for that I once told a lie against my conscience, which so lay upon my spirit afterwards, that I could receive no comfort; I went to hear the word, and did read the Scriptures, but all did but increase my horror.Several Ministers and godly people came to me, and used great means to comfort me, but all in vain for a time; and when I read the Scriptures, I found every threatening and judgment therein,

EXP. XIII. Experiences of M. M. - By fearing Hell, and applying every cross to be a judgment of God for sin.I have many times had a desire to hear the word of God, when I have been employed about my calling. But I then thought to myself, that I had nobody to provide for me, but if God would bestow on me so much of these outward things, as upon others in the world, then I would spend more time in hearing, prayer, and reading the word. And accordingly, as these outward things have ebbed or flowed, so hath my joy been less or more. But now God hath given me a sight of my sins, and why I had formerly no assurance; It was because I had not faith in my heart. Before God wrought that in me, instead of making use of those comforts, which the word holds forth, I spent my time in mistrusting God’s providence, who therefore justly during that time, held the sense of his spiritual consolations from me.Sometimes I was in despair (so low) that I could not apprehend anything to be my portion but hell

EXP. XIV. Experiences of H. W. - By much prayer night and day against a dead heart, and that God would give him grace to live in a sincere conversation.When my God appeared, through his grace, to shine by his sacred spirit into my dark soul, my thoughts were much taken up in consideration of my sad and deplorable condition under the curse by nature, yet so, that I did withal see enough in Christ to deliver me from all, if I did attain to true belief. But my perplexed soul drank deep of the bitter dregs of a sorrowful cup, before I could taste of the sweet cordials my blessed Savior had prepared for me; wherewith I have since been often refreshed.My conscience told me, that (if I ever expected deliverance from sin, death, and hell, and to have favor with God) I must devote my heart to him alone.But yet I found the love of some worldly vanities rooted so fast in my affections, that I did often put God off, and had an eye to some worldly contents, which deprived me (for that time) of enjo

EXP. XV. Experiences of D. R. - In fear of reprobation, seeing an emptiness in herself, and casting herself upon God, as his workmanship, to do what seemed good to him.It hath pleased the Lord ever since I knew a difference between good and evil, to give me a heart to seek after those things which savored most of God. And it was my delight always to frequent the society of those whom I thought were truly Godly: And upon this account, I thought myself to be something, when being seriously weighed, I became nothing; for I knew God but as a natural man doth, even by way of discourse; I being, as I conceive since, much in the posture of the proud Pharisee, I could say, I thank God, I was not such a person, as was given to lewdness or ill vices, as others were: And being thus in my natural condition, I thought I had need of nothing, when I was as the Church of the Laodiceans, wretched, miserable, and poor, and blind, and naked, and that which was worst, I knew not that I was thus in ignoran

EXP. XVI. Experiences of A. O. - In two year’s temptations to despair, by seeking God by prayer, and waiting upon his ordinances.I have undergone sad troubles of spirit for my sins; which I have had a great sight and sense of, and shed many tears for, and desire to be truly sorry for them, and hate them, and to have no more communion with them. About five years since, and for some two years space I lay under very great temptations, and was ready to despair, and for several nights could not take any rest in my bed; but was very weak with weeping, and much grieved for my evil thoughts, yet the Lord drew forth my heart to call upon him, and hope in him for mercy. But I had many sore conflicts, insomuch that I could not lie in the chamber alone; I made what use I could of opportunities to desire comfort from such godly Christians as I could meet withal to counsel me in the ways of God, and I labored to hearken to them, but found my heart very dull and heavy for that time, until about three

EXP. XVII. Experiences of M. W. - When Satan tempted her, that she had committed the sin against the Holy Ghost, she protested before the Lord, though she should see nothing but Hell before her, yet she would trust in God.I have from my child-hood desired to serve the Lord, and to make his commandments my rule to walk by; and I thought once that I could have said with the young man in the Gospel, All these have I kept from my youth. But it pleased the Lord above three years since, to visit me with a grievous sickness, even unto death; and then my heart told me that I was a great sinner, and my conscience accused me, that I had loved the world more than I had loved Jesus Christ.Then I was afflicted in my spirit with fear, because I could not believe that Jesus Christ had died for me. I besought the Lord by earnest prayer, that he would be pleased to spare me, for I found myself to be very unfit for death. I made promises to the Lord, that if he did please to spare me, I would lead a new

EXP. XVIII. Experiences of H. C. - By being persuaded she was a Hypocrite.At the beginning of these late troubles I, as well as others, was much frighted; and when it was said that such a day the City should be destroyed, I was amazed, I had been a hearer (a great while) of very eminent Ministers in the City of London, yet profited very little by what I heard. For if they preached the mercies of God, I feared they did not belong to me, because I could not find those qualifications in me which I thought I ought to have, if I expected to receive mercy. I could rejoice in hearing of the promises, but could not lay hold on them as belonging to me; but still I went to hear though with much trouble of mind:That day wherein it was said, the City should be destroyed, I began to call myself to account what should become of my soul, if it should be so: I was almost amazed, but did much desire of God that he would give me faith, and with the Publican I said, Lord I believe, help my unbelief; I th

EXP. XIX. Experiences of M. K. - By a dream of weapons to revenge by murder, and several other things that followed.When I take a view of my life upon the stage of this world, I may very well compare it to a comical Tragedy, or a tragical Comedy, or a labyrinth from one sin to another, from one affliction to another. I was indeed the daughter of very godly and honest parents, who diligently brought up their children in the fear of God. My mother who in her days was notified for a godly virtuous and religious Gentlewoman, she, I say, from amongst twelve children, chose me to set her love and affection upon, she told me, it was because she saw something a more tractableness and diligence to please her then in the rest, which when I perceived, as then not being seven year old, I laid myself forth the more to give her content, who took great delight to instruct me, to hear me read, and ask her questions. She allotted me a portion of Scripture every day, as likewise a part of Erasmus Rotter

EXP. XX. Experiences of M. H. - By consideration that some slips he fell into, being a Professor, brought dishonor to God, and scandal to the Gospel.About 34 years ago, (I being in my youthful age) it pleased God to give me an heart to take delight to hear the word preached at many places, but especially at Antholins at the morning Lectures, and this I did often for some time, until Satan did stir up many Instruments to call me Puritan, with many other reproachful terms, that did make me ashamed to go in public; but like to Nicodemus by stealth, as it were, in the dark: But when after it pleased the Lord to convince me of Satan’s wiles, that he was a deceiver from the first, and that in hearing the word preached, those that would be Soldiers in Christ’s school, must not be daunted for every foil; and If I did look for salvation by Jesus Christ, I must manfully fight under the Banner of Christ, and so to hold out to the end, if I would be saved. From the consideration hereof, God was pl

EXP. XXI. Experiences of L. P. - By thoughts touching a child in her womb, when Satan tempted her to destroy herself.About some twenty years since (I being then with child) was much troubled at some thoughts, which God put into my mind, touching my conversation; which lay so sore and heavy upon me, that I could not tell what to do; Because I saw, though I endeavored, as much as I could, to do my duty to my God, yet I was not able to live as I should; and then I began to know what the worm of conscience meant, which before I was ignorant of; I then feeling, what until then I was ignorant of: and the blackness of my spirit was such, with the burnings of my troubled and afflicted soul, that I could at that time (for the present) take no comfort in anything; and had I not been with child, and affected with natural inclination to the Babe in my womb, I had been in danger (had not God by some other means prevented me) to have destroyed myself, for I had some temptations that way; but my God

EXP. XXII. Experiences of F. P. - By a dream of the Death and Resurrection of Christ.I have been troubled at the thoughts of Original sin, and at my corruptions, and wretched condition. I have formerly had some doubting’s touching the Scriptures, whether they were truth or not; but I have been since troubled, that I made those foolish doubting’s to question God’s Word, and was so wounded in my Conscience for my sin therein, that I feared I should be damned for it, because I thought it was a sin that God would not pardon.I have also strange thoughts about the sinful ways of ungodly people, and considering how loosely people live, I had temptations to persuade me, that surely there was some easier way to Heaven then the Scriptures had laid down, or then I had learned.But for these evil thoughts of mine, I have been so afflicted in my spirit, that I thought surely I was a damned wretch.I have been tempted by blasphemous thoughts against the Lord, which have so afflicted me, that sometimes

EXP. XXIII. Experiences of C. M. - By trouble about some miscarriages towards her children.I have had much sorrow for my sins, because I know God hath been displeased therewith, and my trouble of spirit hath been so great for them, that it hath often fetched tears from mine eyes, and it hath been the greatest trouble to my soul, that ever I had for anything, And some particular things, wherein I was seduced, touching my children, that hath brought some trouble upon them, by my parting with them, hath much afflicted me, fearing that God would damn me for it, and this with my other offenses against the Lord, hath often much grieved me.But my hope is in my blessed Savior, and that for his sake God will forgive me, for he hath promised, Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts, and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and to our God for he will abundantly pardon, Isa. 55:7. Christ shed his blood for sinners, and he saith, his grace is s

EXP. XXIV. Experiences of T. H. - From consideration that every one of his sins offended the Lord, and deserved his eternal curse.My sins have much grieved me, and I have wept and been much troubled for them, so that sometimes I have thought it would burst my heart, in that I offended the Lord; and this hath often afflicted my soul, so that many times despairing thoughts have made me fear, I have been in danger to be damned for my sins: And I have been thrown down low, considering that every sin deserveth death, and the eternal curse of God. But I have since (through God’s goodness and mercy) had an eye to the Lord’s gracious promises revealed in his holy word to comfort poor sinners; as That salvation is to be found by those that by faith lay hold upon Jesus Christ; for by grace are ye saved, through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God, as Paul saith, Eph. 2:8. I have gone to Christ, and pleaded this promise with comfort. And God hath promised, that if sinners rep

EXP. XXV. Experiences of E. B. - By laying to heart that she had not served God as she ought to do.I have had trouble for sin; and for that I have found in my heart and conversation that I have not served God; as I ought to do, it hath been a great grief to me; and looking upon myself, as I am in myself, and my own strength, I can see nothing that is good, but that I am a sinner, and I look upon myself as the worst of sinners, that can hope for salvation, and I see myself an undone wretch without Jesus Christ. But (to God be all the glory) I have been often comforted from divers sweet and precious promises, as that the Lord Jesus Christ saith, He will never leave me nor forsake me; and there is my comfort, and my rock where I hope to be safe, if I gain Christ (as I trust I shall) to be my Savior forever. Also Christ saith, Blessed are they that hunger and thirst after righteousness, for they shall be filled, Matth. 5:6. I have thought of God’s love and his goodness, and have found my h

EXP. XXVI. Experiences of G. D. - From trouble of spirit, that Satan was very busy with her.God hath given me a sense of my sin, and it hath wrought such a sorrow upon my heart, as shall, I hope, never be repented of: worldly sorrow must be sorrowed over again, but I hope Christ hath borne my sorrow for me, because it hath been for offending him. I have found much trouble of spirit, and Satan hath been very busy with me, and I have been much troubled in conscience, and the devil would have drawn me to desperation, but my God hath supported me; and through God’s enlightening me, I knew that despair brought hell and destruction, but those that trust in him do never miscarry. And I have found comfort from these promises, and divers others; Christ saith, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. I have pleaded this promise with God; having found sin my greatest burden, and nothing hath troubled my spirit more. And I have found God’s grace and goodness gi

EXP. XXVII. Experiences of A. B. - From consideration in temptations, and of that destruction which would befall her, if she forsake her God.I have had many conflicts and troubles, and many checks of conscience for my sins, which hath been so bitter to me, and the burden thereof so great, that I have had many temptations to despair of God’s mercies, which did arise from the consideration of my neglect to serve the Lord as I should do; and in my prayers and best actions I have had wandering thoughts. My sin hath sometimes been so terrible in mine eyes, that I have often thought, that had God been severe in justice towards me, I should have perished every moment, and been thrown to destruction.And these considerations caused many fears, and doubting’s to arise in my thoughts, insomuch, that because of sins, and also of my imperfections in prayer and duties, I have feared that God would not hear me, so that sometimes I have thought it would be in vain to pray, because I thought surely, Go

EXP. XXVIII. Experiences of W.C. - Being satisfied with nothing in his soul but the Lord Christ.I have been so troubled in conscience for sin, that I have sometimes been in great despair, and it hath brought me very low, finding nothing in me to satisfy me, but there is enough in Jesus Christ: But I have had many doubting’s and troubles of spirit, and that for many years, fearing that Christ would not save me, because of my own unworthiness, and disability to serve God; and sin was a very great load upon my spirit. But I found comfort in these promises, and divers others, (viz.)That, whereby Christ Jesus doth invite us saying, Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest, Matth. 11:28. Also Christ saith, Let not your hearts be troubled, ye believe in God, believe also in me, Joh. 14:1. And he saith afterwards, I will send you the Comforter: and I will pray the Father (saith Christ) and he shall give you another comforter, that he may abide with you foreve

EXP. XXIX. Experiences of A. C. - By seeing herself undone without Christ.I have had a trouble for my sins, which hath been very great, in so much that I had sometimes thoughts, that God would never pardon such a sinner as I was; but that he would surely damn me; and when I looked or thought on my original sin, there I saw nothing but the wrath of God abiding upon me; and I saw myself altogether undone without Christ. But after a great deal of trembling for sin, I did receive a great deal of comfort in these promises; As it is said, Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven, Matth. 5:3. And Christ saith, He that comes to me I will in no wise cast out, Joh. 6:37. And Christ saith Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest, Matth. 11:28. In these and such like promises I have found a great deal of comfort when I was much troubled. And God saith, Call upon me in the day of trouble, and I will hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me,

EXP. XXX. Experiences of N. B. - A Papist, by his being persuaded to come into Protestant meetings.We read in the eight of the Acts, that Ananias and Sapphira his wife sold a possession and laid part of the price at the Apostles feet, Rom. 5-7. But therein they dissembled with God (and Ananias forthwith died) I shall not any way retain anything that hath lain on my conscience, but empty myself of myself, least that I now speaking in the presence of God, might be inflicted with the same punishment that Ananias was. We also read in the 19th of the Acts, 18th, 19th ver., many that believed came confessing their deeds, and those which used curious arts burnt their books, &c. mistake me not, my meaning is not, according to the Church of Rome, to think; that a bare auricular confession can be satisfactory with the good intention of the party confessed, or that a mere acknowledgement in public, in the outward Ordinance, can save the soul; but to give the Church satisfaction, I will unfold mys

EXP. XXXI. Experiences of A. H. - By terror of Conscience, and fear that the Devil would fetch her, was converted from Popery.My condition hath been very sad; I have been drawn away to Popery, and have partaken of all their vile Idolatry and abominable superstition, for about half a year, through the persuasions of the Papists; but afterwards I had a very great terror of conscience; and one night was fearful to sleep, least the devil should fetch me away. I was much distempered in my mind, and in a sad condition; and after I had slept, I thought (upon my awaking) that I had been dead and was risen again; when I was up, I was in a great amaze, and thought that when I saw the fire, that they would burn me in it; and I feared to eat anything least they should poison me: and the Devil appeared to me, and stood before me, and did exceedingly terrify me; And he tempted me to make away myself. And I was thus exceedingly distracted for about six weeks, having in that time several temptations,

EXP. XXXII. Experiences of D. C. - From thoughts for offending so good a God.I have had great conflicts of soul for my sins, and against sin, and have shed many tears by night and by day, I have been much troubled at the consideration of such things, as have been at any time a clog to me to hinder me from enjoying spiritual communion with God, which I have desired. It is the greatest grief I have ever had, that I have offended so good a God; And indeed my sins have been a very great trouble to me, and especially, in that God hath given me such a measure of knowledge, and I have not walked up to it, to live according to the light I have received. But I have received comfort in God’s promises; Christ saith, All that the father giveth me shall come to me; and him that cometh to me, I will in no wise cast out, Joh. 6:37. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing, and I will receive you, and will be a father unto you, and ye shal

EXP. XXXIII. Experiences of A. H. - By falling into a sin she feared.About eight years since I was convinced of the sinfulness of sin, and of it in myself; and I was thereby much troubled in soul to see my estates therein, which did seem very black and dolorous, to the terror of my conscience, and yet I used the means, and frequently heard the word preached, but did not grow nor profit thereby; which caused me to walk very sadly for many years together, And Satan was so busy with me, that when I have gone into any room alone, he hath so tempted me, that I have had it often in my mind to make myself away; But then hath that promise, and sweet saying, come into my mind, which Paul saith to the Church of Corinth, There hath no temptation taken you, but such as is common to man, but God is faithful who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also, make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it, 1 Cor. 10:13. And (through mercy) I went o

EXP. XXXIV. Experiences of F. D. - By longing for Jesus Christ.I have been often smitten with sorrow for my sins, and am troubled that I cannot serve God as I should, I have no hope of salvation, but only in Jesus Christ, whom I long for, knowing that I cannot be saved without him. And I have found comfort from the promises in God’s word; The Lord saith, If the wicked turn from his wickedness, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall live thereby, Ezek. 33:19. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon, Isa. 59:7. And Christ saith in the Gospel, Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest, Matth. 11:28.And I have these Experiences of God’s grace and workings in me, by his holy and blessed spirit.1. God hath given me a heart to desire God to forgive me my sins.2. I desire God above all things, and to enjoy God

EXP. XXXV. Experiences of H. W. - By his trouble for deadness of heart.Having formerly given my Experience to that Church, from which I am by consent transmitted to you; I shall only add this; that I am a sinner, I have been much troubled in spirit for my sins, and I have much wrestled against sin; I have had many slips, and failings; yea, and sometimes in some measure backslidings; I have been often troubled at the deadness of my heart, and my too much neglect of that obedience I owe to God; and my not walking so close to the rule of the Gospel, as I have often promised. My sins have at sometimes caused tears, and at other times sorrow for want of tears.I am very sensible that I have been the greater sinner, because I have mis-improved so many precious mercies, as I have done; And this hath been very tiresome to my troubled spirit, that I, whom divine providence hath done so much for, discovered so much too, and hath so much enlightened, should be so unfruitful.But the comfortable pro

EXP. XXXVI. Experiences of M. W. - By earnest prayer in trouble of spirit.I have been much humbled for sin, ready to despair, and therein I had many temptations, and great troubles of spirit for those temptations, and many doubting’s, wrestling’s, and conflicts; l put up many prayers, and shed many tears, before I could find comfort; But through God’s mercy, I found a settled peace from his blessed spirit in his time, which is always best. These promises did give me much comfort, That, the Lord said to Paul, My grace is sufficient for thee, The Lord saith, He will not break the bruised reed, nor quench the smoking flax: Also, that he that endureth to the end shall receive a crown of life; and Christ saith, Matth. 5. Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted. Though I did then mourn, yet the Lord gave me faith to believe that I should be comforted; and I was comforted, I bless God, in so much that the Lord hath discovered himself so fully to me, that I have much peace in

EXP. XXXVII. Experiences of J. H. - By being thrown down so low, that he thought it almost impossible for God to save him.I am very unworthy that Almighty God should deal so bountifully and graciously with me as he hath done: my sense of sin hath brought me so low, that I have thought it almost impossible for God to save me, which wrought a great trouble and fear upon my spirit, and brought me to a very low, and begging condition; and I besought the Lord for grace, and for his holy spirit, to enable me to keep his commandments, I had an aching heart for my sins, which drew some tears from mine eyes, and the trouble hereof lay very heavy upon me, and raised great doubting’s in me for about a quarter of a year; and I find some part of that trouble yet remaining upon me. But I have had comfort from several promises out of God’s Word; as that, where Christ saith, He that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out; And he also saith, verily, verily, I say unto you, he that heareth my word, and

EXP. XXXVIII. Experiences of H. N. - From his hearing of Paul’s words, that all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness.I Was for a time in a very sad and wilderness condition upon hearing of that place of Scripture, 2 Thess. 2:12. That they all might be damned who believed not the truth, but had pleasure in unrighteousness, This so wrought upon me, that I was much, and sore troubled in my spirit. Yet at last the Lord made me to leave my old companions, and gaming on the Lord’s Day, and other follies, and God drew forth my heart to long after Christ.And I found comfort from the promises of the Gospel; It is said, God filleth the hungry with good things; and nothing in mine eyes was comparatively to God and his grace, and I had comfort in that sweet text, where it is said in Isaiah, O thou hope of Israel, and the Savior thereof in the time of trouble. And that, where it is said, God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whos

EXP. XXXIX. Experiences of W. F. - From consideration of his sinful condition he wrestled with God by prayer, and would not let him go until he found comfort.I know we are always in the presence of God, he knoweth the secrets of all hearts, for all things are naked and open to his all-seeing eye, and therefore shall beg a belief, that what I here give in, is from the sincerity of my heart. And first, I bless God, he hath given me a heart to forsake all my former evil ways, and to take up a full resolution to become a new creature; and to join myself in communion to a select number of the Church militant, the children and family of God: I confess (if I look upon myself, and upon my former life and conversation) it hath been as if there were no God in heaven, only in a state of nature, having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof in my life and conversation: But it pleased God of his free grace and rich love in the Lord Jesus to give me a heart to consider of my condition, a

EXP. XL. Experiences of T. G. - By solemn engagement to God, as he loved God, his word, or his own soul, to leave his sins.It hath pleased the Lord God of his own free mercies and love in Christ Jesus to protect and keep me ever since I was borne, from many thousand dangers, and yet I, like an unruly colt have kicked at his fatherly protection, and run into many gross and vile sins. The first gross one was, many kinds of unlawful gaming, which held me as a bondslave some thirty years or thereabouts, to the great endangering both of my body and soul; but yet it pleased the Lord to look graciously upon me, and to give me afterwards a hatred against this vice, and withal, he put into my mind a resolution, which I confirmed with a vow as followeth:That as I loved God, his word or my own soul, I would never play at any game for money so long as I lived.The Lord was pleased to accept of my good will, and blessed me and mine in my lawful calling many years, until at the last, that old Serpent

EXP. XLI. Experiences of E. D. - By being much troubled, that she could not serve God as she should.I have had much sorrow, and been much troubled for my sins, and often craved pardon of the Lord: I know myself to be by nature a sinner, and so cannot be saved but by Jesus Christ, upon whom alone I depend for all the good I hope for. It is a great trouble to me that I cannot serve God as I should do, and I am troubled in my spirit that I cannot grieve more for sin, then I have done, and I desire a frame of spirit to serve God according to the rule of the Gospel, and that the Lord would be pleased to create in me a clean heart, and renew a right spirit within me.But I have found comfort in the Lord through Jesus Christ, by applying of several promises to my soul, and that as the word of the Lord saith, Psal. 51:17. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God thou wilt not despise. So, Behold the days come, saith the Lord, that I will raise unto David a r

EXP. XLII. Experiences of W. W. - From the considerations of God’s gracious dealings towards him, and many deliverances.Having from my youth upward tasted of the gracious dealings of God towards me, in his manifold deliverances of me from many eminent dangers both of soul and body; wherein the great tempter of mankind went about by his subtleties to destroy me, not being only content, as a malicious enemy, to draw me (by sin) into his deluding paths, the end whereof is naught but bitterness, and death forever. I say, he had no sooner performed this his work, but finding, as it were, an inclination in me, wrought upon my heart by the spirit of God, to return out of the shadow of death, and those abominable ways wherein he had led me: He then immediately, like a sharp accuser, steps in upon my poor drooping soul, laying in her sight the wrath of God in his justice for sin, and with that testimony which the spirit declares in the 18 of Ezekiel, Surely, the soul that sinneth it shall die,

EXP. XLIII. Experiences of A.F. - By discovery of some particular sins when God took away several near relations.The thought of my sins hath much troubled my Conscience, especially some particular actions which God discovered to me, upon the loss of several near relations, that God took away from me by death; and I mourned above seven years under great terror of spirit for my sins, and was in danger to have despaired, had I not received comfort from God, in partaking of duties with the people of God. And therein God comforted me with several Promises, which he delivered to me out of his holy Word, who saith; Though your sins be red like scarlet, yet shall they be as white as snow; and though they be as crimson, yet shall they be as wool, if ye be willing and obedient. And the Lord saith in another place, I will remember your sins and your iniquities no more. And again, I will love you freely for mine own names sake. And the Lord Jesus saith, that he is our Portion, our Interest, and ou

EXP. XLIV. Experiences of G. R. - By being brought near to despair for some things that touched her conscience.The Lord hath wrought sore upon my heart, and I have been brought nigh to despair, for some things that have sorely troubled my conscience; I have wept, and been in a great agony, and did lie so dejected about half a year. But then, and since I have found comfort from several promises, which have eased my soul by degrees, the Lord saith, Isa. 1:18,19. Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord, though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool, if ye be willing and obedient. And the Lord saith elsewhere, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.And as a testimony of my interest in God, through Christ, I have these effects of my conversion:1. That the Lord hath set it upon my heart, to love God above all things.2. I desire to serve him according to the rule of his Word.3. I love him because he loved

EXP. XLV. Experiences of J. G. - By being troubled at that place of Scripture, The wages of sin is death, which made him for a quarter of a year, meet with temptations by Satan to despair, but proved his conversion.I have been troubled at the consideration of that place of Scripture, The wages of sin is death. Rom. 6, last, I then began to be very sensible of my sinful estate, and I thought that if I was not helped out of that condition, that I must be damned unto all eternity. I also thought of that place where it is written, To be carnally minded is death, Rom. 8, and about two years since (for the space of about a quarter of a year) I was so troubled in my soul, that sometimes I could not rest upon my bed, and thought, that where I was, the Devil was with me, and when I did seek to fly to God, I found a temptation of great resistance to hinder me.But I after (through the goodness of God) found comfort in several Promises; as first, that the Lord saith, I will take away your stony he

EXP. XLVI. Experiences of A. G. - By God’s smiting the Conscience from her sense of sin.I have found sin a great burden to me, and the weight of it hath troubled me a great while, and I have had many trials and troubles upon me; sometimes I have wept, and at other times I have been troubled that I could not weep, and I have had a long and great sorrow for my sins, and the sense of them hath so smitten my Conscience, that sometimes I have been very fearful that I could not be saved. But I have found much comfort and my spirit much settled from diverse promises; as that the Lord saith, Though your sins be as scarlet, I will make them as white as snow, and though they be as crimson, I will make them as wool, if ye be willing and obedient, Isa. 1. Also the Lord saith, Though a woman forget her child borne of her body, yet will not I forget you, and they that believe in Jesus Christ shall be saved, Joh. 3.And I find this fruit of my regeneration.1. That my love is more fixed to God then any

EXP. XLVII. Experiences of A. T. - By so great sorrow as made his heart ready to break, from the consideration of the hardness of his heart.The sense of my natural condition hath been a great trouble to me, and my sins are every day more and more grievous to my soul; while sin was pleasant, I was quiet; but since it came to be a trouble to me, I cannot rest without help therein. I am so troubled herein, that sometimes when I go to bed, it so grieveth me that I know not what to do;I have been sometime heartily sorry, that I could not be brought to weep, insomuch that sometimes my heart hath been ready to break, from the consideration of my deadness and dullness to God, through the hardness of my heart.But I have been comforted out of God’s Word, who hath promised, That if a sinner turn from his sins, and repent from the bottom of his heart, he will blot them out of his remembrance: Christ saith also, Come unto me, all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will ease you; And the Lord

EXP. XLVIII. Experiences of S. P. - By a Sermon at Norwich.The bitterness of the wrath of God for sin is very sharp unto me, and I do behold, as in a glass, the odiousness of sin in my Conscience, I was not once sensible of the sinfulness of sin for twenty-four years space, but walked loose, like a wild Heifer; but in the year of our Lord, 1642. I was by a Sermon preached by Master Hall, then one of the Assembly, as I take it, when he was at Norwich, I was brought to such a feeling of sin, that it wrought great sorrow, and I saw myself to be a vile wretch, and undone without Christ, whom I could not find, except I returned to the Lord, and that I had nothing but Christ to depend on for Salvation. And I found comfort in some promises that the Lord put into my mind out of his holy Word, as Heb. 13:5. Be content with those things which ye have, for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. And Heb. 10:23. Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering, for he

EXP. XLIX. Experiences of E. L. - By following the hearing of the Word, though with a dead heart, until God quickened her.I had for a time profited but little under the means, and was very dead under the Word, and the Lord hath given me a sight and sense of my dullness, and of my sins, and thrown me very low under the sight thereof; I have been so troubled for my sins, that I feared I was not converted to God, in that I did follow the hearing of the Word, and profited so little; and the sense I have had of the greatness of my sins, hath caused me to pour out many a tear to God, by humble and hearty repentance, but in all this I have had hope, that God would come in by his grace in his own time to save me. And my heart hath been much refreshed from the Promises that God hath revealed to me out of his holy Word, where Christ saith, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee; and, whosoever cometh to me (saith Christ) I will in no wise cast out. Also he calleth, Come unto me all ye that ar

EXP. L. Experiences of J. F. - From the sense of her natural condition, and her sins, and offending God, laying it to heart.I Have had many turmoiling’s in the world, but the sense of my natural condition, and my sins, my offending God is my greatest trouble, the thing I would do, I do not; and what I hate, that do I; ) this troubles me, my sins scare me, and my corruptions stagger me; I groan under my spiritual burden, and was not God with me to hold me up, I should sink under it and never rise again. Yet I have comfort in many sweet promises, as that the Lord saith, I will not leave thee, nor forsake thee, when our parents and all leave us, he hath promised, then he will take us up, he hath promised to be a God, to the humble, meek, and lowly in spirit, and to bind up the broken hearted with his love; This broken heart of mine is not for worldly things, but for sin, and as the fruits of my faith,1. I wish that I could love God and Jesus Christ as I should do.2. I have a great willing

EXP. LI. Experiences of S. P. - From his experience of God’s deliverance to him from his enemies, against which he had engaged in the field.I was called out to be a Soldier, and having had much experience of God’s deliverance from enemies in the high places of the field, it brought me to a consideration of my ways, and of the evil of sin, and the danger thereof; and what a sad condition it is to be in the state of sin, and the sense of my sins troubled me very much both night and day, and it was a great grief to me to consider, how I had trifled away my time, and neglected the ways of God, and sin was a great burden to me, and I was not sensible for the present, how I might get out of that condition. But I found comfort from the Lord, who refreshed me with several promises, Christ saith, Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest, and my yoke is easy, and my burden light, saith he, the consideration whereof hath been of great comfort to me.And because

EXP. LII. Experiences of P. P. - By outward straits, and afflictions, and inward temptations of Satan.I am a poor ignorant creature, and have so continued a long time, sin is a burden to me, and I desire to lie low for it; I can do nothing of myself, but I desire to wait upon the Lord, and to follow the rules of the Scripture. I have been in very great straits and trials by inward temptations, as well as outward afflictions, and Satan hath tempted me to low thoughts of God, and sometimes to despair, so that I have been sorely perplexed. But God hath comforted me by several promises, as that the Lord promiseth to strengthen the weak, the Lord hath also promised, to be found of them that seek him. And Christ saith, Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven, and blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted, Matth 5.And I trust the Lord hath converted me to him: For,1. I love God with all my heart, and it is my whole desire to be drawn nearer and nearer

EXP. LIII. Experiences of M. T. - By coming to hear with a gathered Church.I have been much troubled for sin, and have been more sensible of it, since I came to duties with this Church; and I have wept for sin, and in the society of this Fellowship I have been smitten for sin, and mourned for it, with great trouble of my spirit. Nothing one way is greater in mine eyes then sin, and yet another way nothing is greater in mine eyes then God’s mercy, who hath promised to my comfort, That at what time a sinner doth repent, and turn from his sins, he will receive him to mercy. And he saith, Call upon me in the day of trouble, I will hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me. And I have found much comfort from God in these promises to my soul; and moreover,1. I love God above all.2. I have nothing but that comes from God, whom I desire to serve, that he may have the glory of all I have, and am.3. I desire to serve the Lord, not for fear of punishment, but out of heavenly love, I would not offend s

EXP. LIV. Experiences of E. R. - By a dream of Christ as a Child, carrying her over Hell, when she lay under despair for telling a lie, and was tempted of Satan to murder herself.I was born and bred up of godly Parents, yet Satan so far tempted me to commit that detestable sin of telling a Lye, about eleven years of my age, against a Sister of mine, and my Sister was shrewdly and severely corrected by my Parents for that fault, and that none of hers, but mine, and I had not grace at that time to lay it to heart; but within some three months after I had a fit of Sickness, and a grievous touch in my Conscience for that sin committed against God, and my Sister, as that I saw nothing but desperation, and feared that the horrors of Hell-fire would seize on my soul and body for this sin, and Satan told me, that there was no salvation for me, for God knew me not, neither would he own me; but if I would either hang myself, or cut my throat, or take the bed-staff to thrust down my throat, then

EXP. LV. Experiences of T. M. - By a dream of Christ like a Child, and a Dragon, and other Beasts.About the fourteenth year of my age I was put out to be an Apprentice, but was placed with a Master in whom I saw little of God, his ways were contrary to the ways of God, which was a great trouble to my spirit; and the more, because some rude people would drink, swear, and be very deboyst with him. About three or four years after, there grew great Disputes amongst some persons about Episcopacy, Presbytery, Independency, and the like, which made me question with my own thoughts, which was the true way to worship God.I applied myself to Mr. Till the Minister, and others, but was not satisfied, but after great perplexity of spirit, I meditated with myself, and wondered what would be the end of my troubles, for they had been many, especially temptations to despair of salvation.But afterwards being returned back from my Master to my father’s house, lying down once upon a bench I fell asleep, a

EXP. LVI. Experiences of J. H. - By hearing the Word, and his conference with a Minister.That about four and thirty years ago I had some yearnings after the truths of Jesus Christ, and I being in the Country, and hearing of Mr. Young a Minister at Cathey in Leicestershire, and hearing him preach twice a day, the word wrought so on my heart, that I took great delight to hear him; but being jeered by the people for a Puritan, I did leave off hearing for a time. And I living in the Town near Mr. Young, sometime as I went abroad I did meet him, and Mr. Young would ask me whether I did know Jesus Christ or not, and what I did think him to be, I told him that I had read in the Scriptures, and they held him out to be the Son of God, and that he came to seek and to save that which was lost: Then said Mr. Young unto me, why do you draw back in not coming to hear the word; I told him, it was because of the deriding’s of the people; I but said Master Young, you must persevere, and that was to hol

EXP. LVII. Experiences of I. H. - By hearing Doctor Gouge, and prayer.About twenty years ago I dwelt in Black Friers, and using to hear the Word opened by Doctor Gouge, though it was but seldom, by reason that I was a servant, yet the Word wrought so much upon my soul, that I saw my condition under sin was very sad, and I knew not what to do to be delivered, but that I heard much of the mercies of God unto poor sinners, and that without I might partake of some drops of this love of God, my soul was undone; then my souls desire and labor was, how to find out a way to come closer unto the service of God; then I said, that I blessed God that he had given me a sight of my undone estate, and I did earnestly desire both in public and private to use my endeavors to seek the Lord by prayer, for my sin was a great burden unto me, and Satan did often tempt me unto sin; but by the goodness of God I did beg, and entreat the Lord to keep me, and not to leave me to myself, nor to Satan’s temptations

EXP. LVIII. Experiences of T. R. - By several experiences of God’s deliverances to him.At the age of two and twenty years being in the Straits, I was taken by the merciless Turks, and there kept Captive, but by the great power of the Lord I was delivered out of captivity by a miraculous way unexpected, the Lord giving me grace to call on him, gave me a gracious answer, That he would never leave me, nor forsake me. Experiences in a voyage to Gyne.In the time of our last War with France, on the Coast of Gyne, I was taken by the French Men of war, wherein I was greatly afflicted, outwardly in body for want of food, and raiment, and other hard afflictions which they laid on me, to have turned to their Catholic Religion, yet the Lord still promised me, that he would give me a deliverance out of their merciless hands; who made good his promise to me in a short time, blessed be his holy name.Experiences on a Voyage from Lishborne to Brazil in the year, 1648.For the Portugal’s, in a Ship of Lo

EXP. LIX. Experiences of J. S. - By sense of a dead heart.It hath been so with me, that sometimes my spirits have been much cast down, and that the burden of my sins is great upon me, having lived carelessly in many great sins committing them with greediness; yea, many times known sins presumingly: Yet hath God sometimes touched my heart with remembrance and sorrow, in the sense of them, which afterwards again, forgetting all good resolutions I have behaved myself perfidiously to God, and the innumerable account so terrifies me, even to despair: But having learned that God is good and gracious, and believing that he who hath commanded us to forgive seventy times our brother offending, will also pardon them that faithfully seek him. In my course of sinning I have continued hitherto without that due contrition for them, nor in the midst of great sins, have I been able to seek God, but rather in the forgetting them could sometimes pray, yet but with small fervency and no repentance, as I

EXP. LX. Experiences of E. P. - By outward crosses.That the trouble for sin hath been the greatest trouble I have had, that I have been so great a sinner against so good a God; That I have deserved all shame, misery and torment that can be inflicted on me for my sins, and had despaired had I not hope in God’s mercies, that my heart hath been much hardened that I have not so grieved as I should, and I desire the Lord to soften my heart, that I may mourn for my sins more than I have done; and I have been much troubled that I have been no more humbled for my sins, and that my condition would be sad if the Lord did not change my heart: but my hope is in God who giveth grace to all that he saveth; and I have, from the consideration of my outward crosses, been the more sensible of my sins, knowing that I have deserved many greater afflictions, and I hope that the Lord will give me in a larger portion of his grace, and make me an humble penitent. And I have found comfort in several sweet prom

EXP. LXI. Experiences of G. S. - By coming to a private meeting.That I have had a great desire to serve Jesus Christ, and to serve God in truth as near as I can, but I have had many occasions to keep me back, and I do see that not to go forward is to go backward; that I have a great burden upon my conscience for sin, and have been much cast down, and I see by the troubles that are upon me that the Lord doth humble me, and that I am resolved to make or renew my repentance, and fly to God whose mercy is above all; and I see that I am a great sinner, I have ever had a great desire to serve Jesus Christ, but I see I cannot do it as I ought, but my soul longs after Jesus Christ, and without him I cannot live, that I have been many times much troubled in conscience, but have found comfort from the word, in hearing the word preached. That I once received a very great comfort, a year since, in hearing a private conference amongst Christians, since which I have been much affected with private m

APPENDIX. The Practice of Gathered Churches in the City of London, and other parts of England.Stated and proved to be rightly constituted according to the Rule of the Gospel: With a Covenant taken by each Member. And a Confession of Faith, Professed. With an abbreviate of their whole Practice. And some Papers presented by the Assembly of Divines to the Parliament, touching the right Constituting of particular Churches. The Practice of the Gathered Churches in the City of London, and other parts of England.Those that enter into Church fellowship, are to have some knowledge of each other, before they go about the work, that they are in the judgments of men fit materials to make a Church, for how can they walk together except they be agreed, Amos 3:3.When they go about this great work, it is the practice of the gathered Churches, first; to set a part a day of humiliation to pray unto the Lord for his directions, and assistance therein; and for a blessing upon the work, 1 King. 8:28,29; Ph