A. W. Pink answers the question this way:
First, by the Word of God having come in divine power to the soul so that my self-complacency is shattered and my self-righteousness is renounced. Second, by the Holy Spirit convicting me of my woeful, guilty, and lost condition. Third, by having had revealed to me the suitability and sufficiency of Christ to meet my desperate case and by a divinely given faith causing me to lay hold of and rest upon Him as my only hope. Fourth, by the marks of the new nature within me - a love for God; an appetite for spiritual things; a longing for holiness; a seeking after conformity to Christ. Fifth, by the resistance which the new nature makes to the old, causing me to hate sin and loathe myself for it. Sixth, by avoiding everything which is condemned by God's Word and by sincerely repenting of and humbly confessing every transgression. Failure at this point will surely bring a dark cloud over our assurance causing the Spirit to withhold His witness. Seventh, by giving all diligence to cultivate the Christian graces and using all diligence to this end. Thus the knowledge of election is cumulative."
Visitor: What if someone (not myself) does not find in their life these signs that they are among the elect? Should they then conclude that they are not elect, and despair? After all, if they are not elect they are wasting their time trying to repent, according to this kind of theology. Or should they do what the Bible tells them to do, repent and turn to Christ? Should they believe the truth in it which some seem to deny, that "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved", whether or not they exhibit any signs of being elect?
Response: This listing of signs accompanying salvation could also be called "How do I know the Holy Spirit has done a work of grace in my heart?" This is not a post about predestination, as your response seems to imply, but about signs of grace. That is, signs that a work of grace has taken place in ones' heart. And these signs all point to the work of Christ, not our work.
Lets get specific here. You asked, what if persons do not have these signs, what are they to conclude. Let's take them one at a time a bit more closely:
1) self-righteousness is shattered. If someone still has confidence in the flesh, i.e.. not glorying in Christ Jesus for their salvation (Phil 3:3), then they simply should not have assurance of salvation. How can the self-righteous be assured of election?
2) the Holy Spirit convicting me of my woeful, guilty, and lost condition. The opposite of this would be persons who do not believe they are guilty or lost. Can such a person be saved? If someone believes they are innocent and without need of Christ, should we assure them of their salvation?
3) That Christ alone is suitable for salvation. If someone does not believe the mercy of Christ alone can save them, should we assure them of salvation? never.
4) That the marks of the new nature i.e.. a desire for Christ exists in the heart. Can we assure someone of salvation who has no desire for Christ?
5) resistance of new nature against old. Should we assure persons who continue unrepentantly in sinful lifestyles without any regard to the commands of Christ. When we sin, and we all do, does the Spirit convict? If not, and the person shows no regard or desire to obey but still loves and continues in their old rebellious lifestyle, should that person have assurance? Not according to the Scriptures (1 Corinthians 11)
6) avoiding that which is condemned in God's Word. The opposite would be running to everything God condemns in His word. Should we assure persons who run to sin every time it is presented to them. Or should we assure those who desire to love Christ?
These points are healthy because they take the eyes off of self and show it to be God who does the work of grace in us that we might believe. And faith is not empty. It is a faith that has no confidence in the flesh and glories in Christ Jesus. (see Phil 3) It is a faith which sees itself has having no hope save in the mercy of Christ. It is a faith that sees its own sin and desperate condition apart from Christ. A work of the Holy Spirit alone can produce these things.
If you can show how these qualities can be absent in one whom Christ has done a work of grace in then please do so. When looked at more closely, none of these signs are of self-confidence but rather, confidence in Christ. These are not signs that we SEEK to exhibit. They are signs that naturally accompany regeneration.